Bad Luck with Men?

Next year so not this autumn? In this case, it might be a good idea to look for interest groups locally. It may be at university or maybe some more public groups. For example, my city has a facebook group on which amateur musicians make announcements when they want to join a band or lack a band member. There is also a facebook group that is about second hand book exchange. There are some cultural events like film weeks or lectures or author evenings (this is a literal translation, I hope you get what I mean) or exhibition openongs. And so on. I am less involved in that kind of things, but some of my friends are. I personally like the language courses.

 

I wonder why you are so focused on finding a man? could it be that you are focusing on men so much because you are in the closet so trying to find one that suits, even if it seems impossible is still easier than coming out and being with a woman?

You remind me a lot of me 4 years ago, before coming out. Acknowledging that women made so much more sense yet holding onto men.

So I personally did go on a quest for "The man" and I found more than one. I of course went through many "toads" but did find great guys, guys who on paper (and even probably in reality) were perfect and I know would be perfect boyfriends, husbands, father, maybe even lover, just not perfect for me.
That gut feeling, it never leaves you. With women it's easier, I don't have to overthink, I don't even have to try actually.

I still have those moments where I meet a guy who could potentially be "The one" (hence me still idenitfying as bi) but what mostly run through my head is "oh, if I was straight I would definitely go for him." because even though I am bi (I guess), it wouldn't be fair to go for men when it doesn't feel 100% right for me. Love is supposed to be relatively easy and straight-forward (especially at the begining) and with men for me it's not. It's complicated, it's confusing, it's dreadful, I overthink and even when things go well I try and look for the smallest thing to bail, so I have just come to the conclusion, that for now, I should follow my instincts and stick to girls. if things evolve and "Mr Right" shows up at my door, why not, but for now I think I am much more certain to find a Mrs thats suits me than any Mr.

 

That sounds irritating. It really sounds like a boundary issue with family. You don't need to explain or justify yourself to family. You can make your own choices. They need not approve. I've had a family members try to push men on me. I even gave one of those guys a chance because he did seem likeable. After casually spending time with him enough to talk, it was like, "wth". I don't trust my family's judgement at all now. I've had to have talks with family to tell them how counter productive their actions were to being open to relationships. People don't bug me anymore.

Getting into some LGBT+ activists groups might be a good idea then If not that, some type of gathering, project, etc that allows you to be around like-minded people!

 

Prospective husbands found by family are never good xD
No no. You have to find a guy (or girl!) that you like, not that they like.

 

That is so much my situation. There is always something wrong with the guys. Right, I would have sex with them, but there is always something wrong on the communication line. It's so annoying! On the other hand, girls are so easy to love. I mean I have never actually dated a girl, but the flirt level interactions I've had were a lot more pleasant.

 

If I can be honest, my problem is the gender problem. I mean, this is how I see it right now, I very well might be wrong. The typical dudes just feminise me and I hate it. They expect so called feminibe reactions from me. They never ask me what I like, just assume. And make the wrong kind of assumptions. I am not there to cater to those pricks. It is not my responsibility to be like ‘but I’m different’ on every step. They guy should be interested in how I feel if he really likes me. So maybe it is not a gender question but being a decent human or a prock question. And for an evolutionary reason, men have more predispositions to be pricks (overconfidence). I dunno. I’m just saying this in case it were of any help to you or in case it gives you some kind of insight.

 

Love4ever

I feel for your situation. But, I believe you are over thinking it.

I was early twenties, a long time ago. I was aware of my bisexuality in a time when I had never even heard the term bisexual except in the context of an orgy or something.

I resigned myself to living alone at the ripe old age of 22. I had broken up with a girlfriend who, on paper, was perfect. But, I couldn't stop thinking about guys too. And, I didn't want it to stop.

I wish I would have just cooled it and explored a bit instead of just thinking...always...way into the future. Of course this was in the day of AIDS and I very well could have gotten sick!

I quit looking, moved away, planned on being lonely. Then, I met my wife and fell in love totally out of the blue. For 25 years, I hardly looked at guys except to appreciate them...desires were flat.

You just don't know, at your age, how things will unfold. You may find a lover who is everything you need of either sex. You may find one, as I did, who understands he or she can't be everything you need and is OK with it.

Slow down and enjoy the experience. Being bisexual had its pains as I well know. But, the ability to find the sensuousness in any gender is a gift to nourish and explore. Be yourself, be open, honest and kind and it will work out.

 

Found! At the risk of being That Guy (who insists you be like him and read his books) may I suggest "The Proud Tower" by Barbara Tuchman? About the crumbling of the elite lifestyle before WW one. Read the "Look Inside" on Amazon and see if you aren't captured by her writing style. (I couldn't stop. Either of the two times I read it.)