Attracted to penis but not men

I can't tell how old you are from the information given, so I'll propose a few scenarios.

If you're young, you may be thinking of genital contact as the main (or only) dimension of sex. Experimenting with the penis itself would make sense if it's a first step to understanding yourself.

On the other hand, if you've been sexually active for a while, the interest in just the penis would seem less like an indication of your orientation and more of a simple fetish.

To me the only "work" to do is to explore as much or as little as you want in order to understand, and after you are satisfied that you have experimented enough, to accept yourself. It may be hard to put a label on it, but if it's an activity you enjoy it simply "just is".

Good luck,

Patrick

 

I feel pretty much the same way. I have found it to be more common than you might expect.

I hadn't thought of considering it a "simple fetish". I went with the (controversial) heteroromantic bisexual. Of course slicing categories up into four is scant improvement on slicing them into two. Maybe Patrick's description would be a better way to explain it. (To those few who need to know.)

 

Are you sure you just aren't attracted to the one single specific man that you did have sex with? Perhaps you just typically aren't attracted to other men until you know them better / have an emotional connection with them (or, in the case like you said being heteroromantic bisexual, where you enjoy the sex/have sexual attraction but just don't wish to continue because there's no emotional connection there). It is possible to enjoy sex but just not be heavily attracted to who you're with, regardless of sex or gender.

 

E

Everyone is different so it may just be a fetish with you but I felt this way for years- I thought I wasn't gay because I just like looking at a guy's cock and imagine (I was too scared to do anything else!) sucking it.

But when I came out here, and accepted myself my romantic attraction for men grew enormously, to where sex is only a small part of it.

It could be different for you but many people here who have come out have had a similar experience.

 

There are levels of relationship & getting to know someone as a friend, lover or partner … w straight, gay & bisexuals. When you're young, or first getting to know someone, the relationship can be casual, or just a sexual hookup, or more. As u get older, u often want to get to know the person better, & be more open to them, the relationship goes to a deeper level … even to the depth of soul mates, partners, wife & husband, husband & husband, etc. Not everyone experiences or is interested in depth in relationship … yet most people & psychologists have affirmed the natural progression to depth.

I'm bringing this up, because it sounds like u only like to service a guy, & not kiss, & are uncertain of your orientation. Sex is an expression of the heart, & who we like. U can deny this, & say it's just sex … but I'd suggest looking deeper at your attitudes & preferences. It's a contradiction when u say "you like men's penises but are not sexually attracted to men." It's like saying "I like spaghetti but I don't like how slippery the noodles are!" They're aspects of the same thing. U can't have spaghetti without slippery noodles. You can't have a dick without the man attached to it, except for trans people. I suggest looking at any fears u have about men, getting close, kissing, & loving & being loved.

 

It honestly sounds like you are in the compromisation stage of grief to me.

You should see OTH's blogs.

 

I feel the same way. I’m turned on by penis and enjoy bottoming but don’t find men attractive. I’ve worked out that I’m into trans women(with penis) when it comes to that and have opened up with my girlfriend and we have done pegging quite a bit with a realistic dildo as that’s my liking.

 

Being turned on by penis and not being turned on by men or being put off by men kissing are not indicators of sexual orientation.

Straight people watch gay/lesbian porn because people like to watch sexual stimulation that they enjoy. So in lesbian porn you have a lot of clitoral stimulation which is something that girls like and in gay porn you have a lot of oral and anal stimulation that most guys like.

Pegging is a sexual practice that is on hetero side of the scale of sexual behavior, because it is done by a female companion. It involves anal play and role reversal. Both hetero and bisexual people enjoy it, though the latter are more open about it than the former.

Some people enjoy S&M sex where a man performs oral sex or is being penetrated by a same-sex partner not because they are excited by their partner that much but because they enjoy the feeling of submissiveness or because their submissiveness pleases another party (say their girlfriend or wife). It does not say that they are bisexual, however bisexuals are more open to such play.

Finally a person might not enjoy intimacy (including kissing, hugging) with people of the same sex. Not because one's not bisexual but because one does not feel romantic drive towards that particular person or any same-sex person or the cognitive dissonance between what one's doing and societal norms is so great that your feelings are numbed. Still one may be bisexual.

Sexual identity is not a choice but behavior and labels are. In other words: it is absolutely up to you if you call yourself a straight guy who is attracted to penis or a bisexual guy who is aromantic towards same sex and maybe has low drive towards same sex but still enjoys playing for the other team from time to time. Or maybe something else that you find more fitting. Anyways I admire your courage for experimentation.