I have a question that I wonder about a lot. When you meet people and start befriending them, should you tell them that you are gay? The reason I ask is because I've been meeting a lot more people this year in college and some of them I am becoming friends with. Most of my friends (if not the vast majority of them) are guys, so I guess telling them I'm gay would be less awkward for me than telling a girl. I still have trouble saying "I'm gay" out loud to others. Also, for guys that take interest in me, do I tell them I'm gay or just tell them I'm not interested? I ask these things because when I meet people, a lot of them don't know I'm gay. I feel that I'm hiding something from them if I don't tell them I like girls, though a part of me feels like I shouldn't feel that way. It's just something that always crosses my mind when I meet new people. What do you all think? Should I feel this way or is it something I should not worry about?
I take a middle of the road position on this. You can tell your close friends, your family members, a physical health or mental health provider, and a few others for whom it might be relevant. The fact that you've told your friends usually means their families and close friends will also know. As for me, a place of employment where it could make it uncomfortable if they are tightly wound, or to ward off advances from the opposite sex, if they are not a person that interests you, are two groups that need not know. Neither is owed that explanation. You should just be able to concentrate on your work. You should also be able to politely say "I'm not looking at this time." Either way, in the latter cases, if a person is not dating and remains single in perpetuity, the gossip grapevine will kick in, but you're too young for that at this point. That's life, though.
Just imagine every person you meet coming up you and saying: Hi, I'm Josh and I'm straight! Hi, I'm Dave and I loooooooove pussaaaaaay! Hi, I'm Karen and I'm not into girls, ick! If you wouldn't do it that way you don't have to do it the other!
Realistically, I think it's one of those things that really shouldn't matter one way or another to casual acquaintances or employers. You wouldn't announce that you wore contacts or dyed your hair or were German either, although you'd have to recognize the fact that if you adjust a contact, or your roots start showing, or you order sauerkraut with everything except ice cream, people will make some basic assumptions.
No, but I've met a few people who within five minutes of meeting me made damn well sure that I knew their sexual preferences. Honestly, I usually think less of them when they do that. It's very attention-seeking.
Thank you all for your responses, they really helped. I guess I tend to over think too much, I have to learn to not feel guilty about not telling certain people my sexuality. Thanks everyone
Yeah, I don't tell anyone unless they ask or if I feel it would somehow be relevant to a conversation we are having.
I go by a rule of 3. If someone assumes I'm straight and says "Check out them ladies" or something to that effect 3 times, then I tell them. Or if it's relevant to the conversation, I'll come out. Sometimes that can be a political conversation or an LGBT one, or whatever.
Probably best to wait until it comes up in conversation. Wouldn't know though, I've never told anyone. It can be awkward at work, when people are derogatory towards gay people.
I really don't see why you should. Unless it's coming up in a conversation there really is not need to say it. When I had recently came out of the closet I had a huge desire to inform everyone. But now I probably think about my sexuality less than my friends do, considering they feel the need to tell people so often..
You should only tell anyone about your sexuality if you are comfortable with it. Personally, I wear a rainbow bracelet, so it's clear from the start that I am gay, however, if I feel like I am going to speak to whoever I am speaking to again, I will tell them I'm gay
Aside from my friends and family, I don't go around telling everyone really specifically. I don't 'come out' to them, as it were. But that doesn't mean that my coworkers and classmates don't know, because I'm not hiding. When we're having a conversation about what we're doing this weekend, and this weekend I happen to be cleaning the house with my girlfriend, then I won't go out of my way to say something else so that they don't know I'm gay. So basically, I don't make it a big deal and 'coming out' implies intention that I don't have in my day-to-day life, but I do talk openly about my life with people that I know and participate in conversations that make it obvious that I am gay.
You aren't ever obligated. You should only do what you're comfortable with. If it's relevant to a convo i think it's ok. I mean if someone is all "What do you think of the girls here?" they're just asking for it. If it's on gay rights, i start by giving my opinion, then if they get assholish about it, i might tell them and walk away. I think it's ok to wear pride stuff too or say in a dorm room, if that's your thing. You probly won't need to tell them then.
Ahhh I see everyone's point, it makes sense to bring it up if it's relevant to the conversation. I have been in situations like that, I guess I should also start wearing some more pride things too, usually when people outright ask me if I'm gay (though it's only happened like 3 times) I'll go ahead and tell them. Thanks for these responses everyone, they've really helped me out.
