Nah. I already don't hold back. If I wanted to do something, I do it. Now just because I don't scare myself, doesn't mean I don't scare others! Haha. I look so freaky, these conservative small-town people think I worship the devil or something!
Sometimes. It really depends on my mood at the time and the situation. At my best, I feel like some ascended demon. At my worst, I feel beyond redemption. I've even wondered if it is inauthentic for me to be a "good" person, if I may use such vague terms. To put this into perspective, if somebody is suicidal, my first impulse is to encourage them to kill themselves. If somebody breaks up with their partner, my first impulse is to ridicule them. Long story short... empathy + sadism = huge guilt. I try to do what I think is the "right" thing because I don't want to feel more guilt and I believe everything is connected. My guilt can manifest in some funny ways. I used to injure myself when I failed at video games. Maybe that was an excuse to hurt myself. I also used to claim I did bad things that I didn't really do. If you think about it, that's selfish because punishment helped me feel redeemed. Hell, I've worked really hard on things and given them to others, so they get credit.
I didn't really think about it until you asked me the question. There is something inherently frightening about considering the self as "other." It's like the most blatant violation of privacy ever conceived. Kinda makes me think about the shadows from Persona. I'd say it's real scary.
In a matter of fights like I said many times before, two goes in only one goes out. Luckily didn't go there yet but knowing you are one snap ahead from going there... Other than that I can be cruel and very content with it. If I think someone deserved it I can emotionally distant myself from anything they would suffer and watch them squirm and die. Couple this with my morbid curiosity... I think I would make a good torturer/scientist on Nazi camps... Like a boy with a knife and a frog in a biology class... or a serial killer with a drill and acid barrels. Couple this with my tendecy to judge people fast and harshly that would pile up many regrets that would lead me to my own demise... Probably other people have more reason to afraid of me but yeah as I don't want to be that person, I also afraid of myself.
Maybe not so much morally but in other ways of course I'm afraid of myself. Especially when it comes to empathy.
Everyone has a dark side. I'm scared of mine. I'm not afraid of its existence. I've accepted that. What I'm scared of is the possibility that something might happen that will throw me out of balance, and that darkness will take over again.
There's a part of me that scares me, of course, in terms of what I *could* do. I don't really take much notice of it though, since I have control of my own actions. The only thing I truly fear would be hurting the people I care about.
I am afraid of myself. Whenever I act impulsively something goes really wrong - not because I wasn't being cautious, but because I did what my "gut feelings" told me to. And thank god I find laws intimidating, or I would've been caught doing something nasty and sent to jail. (I've already been caught doing some really embarrasing stuff though).
