Phew! Ok, that's a relief to know you have your family for support. I believe that, i can see you have a sense of humour Ok, so you could be sensitive to seasonal changes in light levels then maybe. Might be that it affects your sleep patterns for example. That's a very creative brain you have coming up with all those ideas and projects! Just wondering about you saying you worry about leading a disappointing life...would you say you are a perfectionist? Do you set high standards for yourself? Or does it tie in more with the thoughts of death i.e you won't have time to achieve everything you want to because you want to be good at/experience lots of things? What are you like with taking risks?