Any non-op transsexuals?

I'm putting up a new post because even though I am pre-everything and I'm sure there's the possibility I might change my mind in the future, I am terrified of physical transition. I actually don't seem to want it yet I have body dysphoria.

Are there any transsexuals out there who have decided not to physically transition yet live full time as their preferred gender? If so what influenced your decision, aside from financial costs.

 

There are plenty of reasons not to. Surgeries are bloody scary for one. It's a big thing, some of us need it some of us don't.

I personally am in the middle of a decision about surgery. I know I want hormones, which if I recall correctly you're not sure about, but I don't know if I want surgery. I know I need breasts. There is no question about it, I need them because it feels wrong without them. I'm sitting here now knowing I can't wear my falsies because I have work later and I don't want them to get destroyed if the little boy I look after decides to attack me again. It feels awful. I'll only have a boob job if hormones do nothing or very little. I'm a big girl, I can't have a-cup boobs...it just won't work.

But downstairs? I'm not sure. I don't HATE my penis...not really. Part of that is because the idea of the surgery worries me. I know what my penis does and how it works. I don't want to use it to penetrate anything, but it still has its uses. If it became a vagina...I don't know how they work. I don't know how it would feel. I love the idea of having one but the switch over scares me. What if it doesn't have any sensation or it feels bad?

Transitioning is what you want it to be. You'll see that phrase all over this board. You do what you are comfortable with and ONLY what you are comfortable with. It might raise issues if you ever want to change your legal gender, I'll look it up when I get a minute, but otherwise there is no real reason you shouldn't be able to live socially as a man without anything medical...

 

I'm just having a really hard time coming to terms with all of it:tears:

 

Which is perfectly fine! Just think how big a thing this is for you! Wouldn't it be more worrying if you were able to accept it instantly and just go with it? The fact that you are worried means you are taking it seriously and that it is really important! You don't want to make a big mistake, and that is perfectly fine.

Now judging by all the various bits of threads I've read your basic position is something like this:

You DON'T like being a girl, although you feel that using artificial body parts to make you appear male feels fake. You don't want to become a stereotypical guy with a low voice, body hair and a bunch of muscle. You would rather keep the body you have, even though you don't like it and have people know you as a man, than transition to a man's body that you might not be comfortable with either.

Does that sound right?

 

I like the idea of being a man, but the reality of it happening to my own body when I'm struggling to even accept my transsexualism is terrifying. I also don't want to look like a woman that looks like a man, so I need the surgeries etc but I'm just really frightened. I can't find anyone else apart from swag who has late onset transexualism

 

Does age 23 count as late?

It's going to be scary, because it's new and it's different. The most common thing is that people with they would wake up and have somebody else's body. That way they don't have to worry about passing and changes, it's just 'well this is my body'.

Remember, that apart from your chest, you can look like a man without surgery, and even then you can achieve it with binding. There are PLENTY of people who do it every day...the thing to remember is that nobody is going to make you do it all at once.

Take little steps. Wear some boys clothes. Get a haircut. Something small and work your way up to it. When I started wearing girls underwear I would rip myself apart telling myself I was some sort of freak for wanting to do it, and being scared about what it meant I was.

 

Yeah I'm similar, I don't know if I want a hole going in me, it would be weird so I am undecided on GRS at the moment.

Same here *hugs*

 

I have actually posted in the lgbt later in life section to see if anyone else has experienced late onset trans - even later than us! They might be able to help. For now I feel totally at a loss what to do till I see the gender specialist therapists. I can't find anyone else who has has this happen. I have heard of people not transitioning until say their 40s or 50s but they always knew they were trans from childhood

 

How old are you anyway anonym?

Also, there have been plenty of threads from people who have discovered it MUCH later in life who have only started to pick up on hints from the past after they began their transition.

 

I'm almost 26 and I didn't start getting trans feelings till I was 24. It's been going on ever since. I started to try and buy some guys clothes but I try them on and just feel horrible in them because I'm still a girl. I've ordered a binder so I'm waiting to try that out but I can't go through with getting my hair cut short. I've always had long hair and even as a girl I never wanted short hair. I just didn't like the look and and feel of short hair and that's what I'm scared of now.

 

26 is late-age? what now? lol

You are not "late-age". Late age is the 63 old woman who finally had the courage to transiton after losing her wife of 40 years to cancer. I know someone with that story, who lives in my town, and she is doing great.

If you don't want to change your body then you are transgender, not transsexual. The intense desire to alter your body is the signifying characteristic that differentiates a typically transgender person from a transsexual person. If you don't want to change your body, then DO NOT CHANGE IT.

As for surgery, it's always scary. The thing is, more many TS people, the risk greatly outweighs the potential benefit.

 

yes in my twenties I livedas a femaleand pulled it off with no problem but I got a feminine body at birth without a male shapeno Adam's appleand No muscles to my arms either. Soft skin and hair and a female shape to my face. My only problem was voice. That I could never hide I sound like an old old old bowling hag with a cigarette hanging out of her mouth. That scratchy raspy voice out of a pretty young thing I'm sure was funny. So I did not talk much and guys prefer that I found. 5 years ago when I met michael mine current boyfriend at the time Ken Michaels cousintold me, he said crossdressing was stupid and not necessary. I had the money to transition set back and I made the choice not to because at 36 I felt I was getting to old and Michael notice me with short hair in mens clothes no I did not know it at the timebecause Ken preferred me dressed that way. I don't feel the outside matters all that muchit is what you make of it and how confident you are in your identity. No matter how I dress or look I can't hide that I'm a lady. sorry for the grammar but I'm using my smartphoneand it is hard to make it look good with the auto word thing but u get the point. June

 

Yeah but we're not talking about not having courage, we're discussing having a set gender identity and then suddenly finding out that it is different. We're talkign about being completely unaware of our own transsexualism until adult life, whereas lots of trans folk talk about knowing from a young age but I really can't relate to that.

 

Yes it's not that I hadn't got the courage to come out as trans. I can definitely relate to that with regards to my sexuality, I knew from a young age I was attracted to women but was terrified of being found out. So I hid it from everyone and myself until the age of 24 then at exactly the same time as coming out about my sexuality I realized I was trans and my identity literally collapsed. Would I have realized I was trans sooner if I came out as a lesbian sooner than I did? Probably. But the fact remains that I didn't and so the only way I can describe the process is that I had a set gender and identity and then it shattered destroying my life.

 

Once again I will point out that there is no reason to imagine that discovering it 'late' as you call it is uncommon. Like anonym said, they questioned it after accepting their sexuality, that is when I started to discover it, and I'm going to point out once again that I'm 23 years old and that happened this year so I'm not sure how many times I have to say "ME ME ME I FOUND IT LATE" before a certain someone *cough*swag*cough* pays attention to it.

Now I'm already discussing this privately with anonym so I'm going to aim this squarely at you SWAG.

You may well be transgender, but so far we don't know why or what to do about it. YOU NEED A THERAPIST. We can give advice about this that and the other and where to go but we are not in any way trained to give such in depth advice as you need to deal with this. So for goodness sake GO AND GET SOME HELP. NOW. In the space of a day, you've gone from saying you don't want to transition to 'I do want to transition' after a post I made about how you shouldn't do it if you're not comfortable with it. I'm sorry but I refuse to believe you became comfortable with the idea in that short a time period. By the way, my evidence for this claim is your thread "STILL can't accept..." with the quote made by you "I want to transition but I can't handle being a transsexual."

So I am going to ask you this, and I want to see a bullet pointed list of feelings here.
What can you not handle about being transsexual? What worries you? What scares you? What makes you hate it?

 

I'm a non-op genderqueer. While I would rather have been born with a female body, and I feel some sense of loss for that, it is what it is. I also like that having the body I have gives me a lot of athletic potential to work with. (Though it doesn't grate on me that if I were to bulk up, that would make me look less, not more, feminine.)

It's okay not to want to transition. For me, it's not just a matter of cost, but an assessment of risk I am willing to accept, and my belief that I can make myself beautiful.

 

Hi please correct me if I'm wrong but although you did find out late that you were trans, you did recall some memory as a child of feeling a girl being almost trapped inside you which you suppressed? I think this is the same for SWAGBOY as well but for me I can't recall wanting to be a boy as a child at all. I will admit when I look back there were times I didn't feel comfortable with my body but I thought that was hardly an abnormal feeling when you go through adolescence and I was also severely bullied as well which took chunks out of my self esteem. I honestly can't look back and think I had the urge to be one of the boys. Is this how it is for late onset transsexualism?

 

Nope. As a child it never came up. This:

"I will admit when I look back there were times I didn't feel comfortable with my body but I thought that was hardly an abnormal feeling when you go through adolescence and I was also severely bullied as well which took chunks out of my self esteem"

Is exactly what I experienced throughout childhood.

---------- Post added 15th Dec 2013 at 01:39 PM ----------

I should add that I did really like 'cute' girls when I was 16 compared to the 'hot' girls everyone else went for, but that is about it.

 

So you are adult onset transsexual as well. Sorry I thought you had some earlier ideas as a child. I can't quit thinking over this I must be a man but can't come to terms with it.

 

Yeah, no, it's just...i think i'll stick with the body i hate...rather then the mutilated surgery body... (well it would seem mutilated in my eyes)

just saying. (no offense, i mean i'm sure some people look greeaaat after their surgery, and are very happy)

At least my chick body is hot, so i got that going, but..looking in the mirror and seeing scars...and the effects of hormone replacement...that's more depressing then what i have now.

So no, I'll pass on surgery, and stick to being the man I can be in privacy. Also, sort of uhm...a hard truth to swallow, but uhm "It's easier to dig a hole, then it is to build a pole" and GRS for FtM trans aren't as advanced as GRS for MtF trans. Which is another nail in the coffin as to why i don't like the idea of surgery.