Another bromance or ? -- Update

Admins, if update posts aren't allowed just delete this!

OT: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/family-friends-relationships/211008-another-bromance.html

Does him jokingly (?) saying "Well, I guess it is a date" really count?

- Update -

Ok, so as I mentioned earlier Ben would be coming over this past weekend. He did. We went to a friend's bday party on Saturday, and pregamed at my house before.

On Friday we texted a little bit about what we'd be doing on Sat. Also about a big 2-day festival we're going to in a few months. Usually our texts are a little dry and to-the-point but we had a little bit of banter going on. I'll share the end of that text convo, cuz I'm wondering if it means anything..

Him: "Hahaha. Totally! U know my pregame is strong."
ME: "Lol, ur a pretty good trooper till the end of the party."
ME: "What we drinking tomorrow?"
Him: "Meh. No need to be hype at the end of a party right?"
Him: "Idgaf. Ill drink whateva."
Me: "Lmao I fucking read ur text as "ill drink water." Fucking savage, turnt off some h20 yo"
Him: "Haha i could see how your face would be"

How my face could be?! Lol.

I'm sure that means nothing, but it gives you an idea of how we talk to each other.. he only calls me by my name/nickname now. He also says.. "we" a lot.

On Saturday, I pick him up from work. Nothing too crazy about the ride home. We usually share the center armrest, but I kinda noticed that he'd make sure his elbow was touching mine occasionally. That's new.

At my place we start drinking. I put on some videos/music. He sits on the floor, I sit on the sofa. His head/shoulders are right next to my knee, he makes light contact w/ me.

After a few more drinks we start moving aroud and seeing what else is going on in the house, but return to the room and both drink on the sofa. At this point, I'm drunk enough to be comfy with touching him in places. If he's distracted or whatever, I grabbed his shoulder or whatever to get attention. He was receptive and usually leaned closer and closer. I also notice that he takes a lot of fucking interest in whatever I'm doing on the computer or phone, if I'm not switching music/videos. Like, I was chatting with people on Facebook (one guy that I've been stringing along) and texting some homies. I'm not saying a casual glance, but like double/triple checking.

Around this time we decide to head over to the party. We were BP buddies the whole night. We've played BP before, but this time he was a looot touchier with me. I kept the gentle shoulder touch/bumps going on, but remember him doing that full-arm grab thing to get my attention went he went somewhere or needed something. Followed me outside when I made buddies with a guy who owned a similar car, and basically every time I went out for a smoke. He took a bunch of snaps with me and him in them.. Lots of hot girls here trying to make eye contact with him. He didn't give any fucks. Party was pretty lame so we left around midnight. He actually apologized about the party.. he knew that my friend groups was supposed to show up, but ended up going out to bars.. I said something along the lines of "don't worry about it, I like spending time with you."

Things get less clear here but anyways, we get home and decide we're just gonna watch movies in my bed till we fall asleep. Roommate walks in and offers up some bud/beer. We say sure. Sometime between hanging out with my roommate and ending up in bed, I remember him standing in my room with his pants sagged ridiculously low. He walks around my room (just me in my room) doing random shit, catches me looking, and just stands facing me on his phone. I can see his bulge... that's how sagged we're talking.

Anyways, we get in bed under the same blanket.. and put on a movie. The first movie is absolute shit and not scary at all. Second movie actually scares me, so I get right next to him "because it's so scary." He slides his leg over towards mine. I doze off before movie ends.. but wake up a crap tonne. Everytime I wake up he's in a different position, but always has either his butt/legs bent towards me, making contact. Everytime I inched away, he re-established a little touch. In the early AM, I decide fck it and lean my whole body over on him.

Morning is a little stupid. My housemates decided it was time to clean the entire house, so we had to wake up early. Ben kinda just stayed in the room, and I'd come and hang out between cleaning. I kinda noticed that he was receptive to me being closer to him.. for example, he was playing a mobile game while sitting on the floor using the frame as a back. I layed down on bed right behind him, and scooted right behind him to ask what he was doing. He leaned his head in and told me. He also did the sagging thing again at some point.

One more thing I noticed is that we have a lingering touch thing going on. I always notice this, and this is something new with us. Whenever we pass something (say a ping pong ball, or a cigarette) I notice that he makes it extremely inconvenient to get. To the point that our fingers have to touch. I started doing the same.. now we both have what I call "linger touch." Lol.

So there's an update. Probably a lot wordier than it has to be, and really if anything a gentle progression in whatever we're sharing... hope y'all enjoy. It probably looks like I'm over-analyzing, but I also like sharing this (promise, lol).

If you have any more advice/tips it'd be greatly appreciated.

 

This might burst some people's bubbles.. but at this point I'm putting whatever this could be on the backburner.

See.. him and I always go through these weird phases of, like, no communication for a week. I thought about what this could mean.. and now I realize this guy has terrible memory and blacks out super easily but will still function normally.

For starters, he's been smoking HELLA bud since 15 (20 now). He's basically perma-high. I am too. But that only started after I turned 19... and I can remember shit. He'll forget stupid shit like the fact that I already bought my tickets to the 2-day rave.. and asks me if I have a ticket.. even though we've talked about it a lot. This also explains why he "forgot" he asked me if I'm gay. He actually forgot.

The real killer is when we were talking about some nights we've hung out. He doesn't remember anything past a certain point. Like I'm saying, I will still feel sober enough to drive.. and he won't remember leaving a party, getting in the car, and returning to my place.. even though he'll still converse with me.. and tells me "we" need to wake up at a certain time for either his or my work. I actually feel like I've been taking advantage of him (despite doing nothing risque, just trying to cuddle him).. even though he returns to bed and continue to cuddle me once he's not blacked out like a fool.

I don't know what to think of his friends saying "we've heard a lot about you." Truthfully, I don't care because he's never communicated any of that with me.

Maybe I've stumbled across somebody who wants to be with me when he's not sober, but when he's sober.. I'm tired of playing this cat and mouse game. If he wants to be the cat, I'm down.. but right now I feel I've put all the effort into it... at the expense of spending less time with people I know actually love me, remember me, and want me to be around regardless of their sobriety.

I'm not even heart-broken. I'm just angry, because I feel I've wasted my time and energy.

Who knows? Maybe this is the juicy part of the story. But I'm done writing it.

On the other hand, maybe I should just ask him how he feels when he's blacked out. Lmao.

---------- Post added 29th Apr 2016 at 06:49 PM ----------

Am I over-reacting? Would love y'alls advice here.

I am making the assumption that he forgets everything. But he hasn't communicated that with me (see the problem).

 

You're right, I could. But.. I feel like I already have used that to my advantage, and it's only gotten me.. here. Not to mention, the only time he'd be blacked out enough and around me is if I make the effort to have him around. Which would mean giving up my time, which I'd rather use to make memories with people who'll, well, remember. I am only 22, but 24/7 party time is gonna end soon. For me and my friend groups.

The smoking thing is :rolle:. I'm old enough where the "forget things" issue is irrelevant unless I start smoking blunts like cigarette packs. He started heavily smoking at 15. That causes issues. He also started drinking before middle school. Again, issues.

 

Well, you're not wrong. The thing is I know I liked him, but I'm not sure if I still do.

Anyways he's been posting weird shit on FB.

First some shared picture post about how "men are born to pursue women" and "you know if they like you." His comment on that was "yes ladies need to realize this cause yall dont see the signs."

Then another picture post that said "I never stopped liking you, I just stopped trying so hard because I wasn't getting anywhere."

And now the most recent one is a Tmblr post, "I suck at keeping in touch, but I like you."

Wtf? He hasn't been seeing anybody. He can't be talking about me cuz I've put all the effort into this.

 

Ask him out?

Like on another "date" or more like "what the hell are we, do you like me"?

 

Yes. But it's complicated.

I thought he knew. He asked** the second time we hung out back in January (after meeting in Dec). Turns out he forgot (stoned, drunk, or just forgetful). I made it clear that I like guys and girls when I found this out. This was before the dinner he called a "date" and before we started sharing an actual bed. We used to just crash on the couch together.

Some of my friends have made comments like "how did you not know he was gay" during parties, and he always gets annoyed and says "well I have a lot of gay friends." He doesn't.

Idk I'm sick of confusion/memory lapses.

**this I find weird because I'm not "obviously gay" (no offense to people who are, I just am not!) and have never had anybody ask me. I generally have to out myself.

 

I'll suck him off then. That should be good enough, right?

Just kidding ha, you're probably right. We haven't had the "I am gay" talk while sober. But I'm probably going to lead into that with the "wtf are we."

 

I think him smoking a lot is a lifestyle thing. His parents are regular smokers. They supplied him stuff in high school. He smokes with his parents now, when they hang out.

See, I've just been assuming that his head is on straight even when we've been drinking or smoking. I'm a slim 5' 10", he's 6' 2"ish and avg weight. That being said, some people truly do blackout easily.. and at this point his on-and-off behavior can only be described by him not remembering what happened, or him sobering up and being scared of liking guys (and me).

I can think of something that'll allow us to talk. Worse comes to worse, I'll just say I forgot to bring my bud and lost my driver's license so we can't imbibe.