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another "am i ftm" post

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by finnerthesinner, Mar 30, 2016.

  1. finnerthesinner

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    sorry there are so many of these, but here i go...

    so last summer, at a camp away from home, i started to feel like i might be trans. the thing is, it happened all at once--i got incredibly body and socially dysphoric, and i started putting my hair up under a hat, filling in my eyebrows, etc...when i got home from the summer camp i was at i immediately cut my hair short and bought a bunch of men's clothes. but once i got back to school in september, the dysphoria kind of...went away? i was able to look down at my chest without wanting to die, lol. but now, months later, the dysphoria's back and better than ever(tm). i bought a binder a while back, but i have a pretty big chest and it doesn't bind as well as i'd like. dressing in male clothing makes me feel great, and i fantasize about having a flat chest, and things like that.

    im ashamed and confused about how im feeling, but i know one thing almost for sure--being androgynous/genderfluid is not what i am. they/them pronouns just don't feel right, but neither do female ones. i feel like im just another kid with the tumblr syndrome, if you get me; and id really like something that could push me one way or the other. am i trans, or just some open-minded teenager?

    any advice? thanks for reading.
     
  2. InfinityonHigh

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    There aren't any rules to how you should and when you should start questioning your gender. If going on Tumblr helped you do that, then that's what happened and it doesn't make your identity any less valid. Tumblr was launched in 2007, trans people existed far longer than that.

    Being open-minded is one thing, being trans is another. Neither are those two mutually exclusive. And just a reminder, dysphoria about things associated with your assigned gender isn't something cis people have.

    Also, dysphoria comes in "waves" and some days are worse than others. As far as I know, most trans people don't experience dysphoria with the same intensity every single moment. Going back to school more often than not means having much more things to do and occupy your mind. Distraction is something that makes dysphoria less intense, and it wouldn't be surprising that having school lessens it.
     
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  3. darkcomesoon

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    I don't think you're just "open-minded". You seem to think you're trans, and you've got dysphoria, so it's pretty likely that you're trans. Dysphoria fluctuates, and that's normal. Since socially transitioning (not being misgendered so much has really reduced the most common trigger for my dysphoria) I've gone reasonably long periods of time without awful dysphoria, although it always comes back, and that doesn't make me not trans.