1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

"...and Guest"

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by SeniorDiscount, Sep 11, 2013.

Thread Tools

Thread Tools

Page 2 of 2
  1. Femme

    Femme
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2012
    Messages:
    223
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    North East USA
    I'm sure people noticed because my cousin was so patronizing about how "cool" he was that I chose his wedding to "come out." It was annoying. Then it was "let me introduce ___ and her .... Is it girlfriend or partner?" So I responded with her name. I thought what an a******.

    One clueless Aunt told her daughter (another cousin) that this is the second time she has seen this woman and maybe I should be careful or people might think I'm a lesbian. We all got a great chuckle out of that one. My mother especially thought it was hilarious.

    Other than my cousin trying to show how "tolerant" he was of the lesbian couple by treating us differently, I don't anyone else noticed or cared. Years later at my sisters wedding, we got up and danced a slow song. At the first one, we just danced to the fast ones.
     
    #21 Femme, Sep 12, 2013
  2. PeteNJ

    PeteNJ
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2012
    Messages:
    855
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    NJ
    I've become friends with a gay couple, my age, who have been together 7 years. One partner (J) completely out, the other (L), not at work and not everywhere.

    We recently were talking, and because L isn't out at work, there have been numerous events that he hasn't brought his partner -- this year a wedding, in addition to the annual company picnic and holiday parties. There was a lot of regret & pain in their voices about this.

    They also talked about a family wedding they went to together last year. They felt comfortable there dancing, though not slow dancing...

    Its a process.

    SeniorDiscount -- not sure what part of the country you live in or the openness of the group of folks who will be at the event. Around here, it would pretty much not be an issue, though clearly there are conservative religious elements, too, that might not be too open about it. My experience with weddings is that the couple are so involved in making it their day, that I can't imagine they could care less if you bring a man. I say bring him!
     
    #22 PeteNJ, Sep 13, 2013
  3. Jim1454

    Jim1454
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2007
    Messages:
    7,284
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Toronto
    It seems to me that if you really are kindered spirits, and she is similar to you in age, and she has liked several of your gay themed or gay related subjects or posts on facebook, then she KNOWS you're gay and KNOWS that your 'guest' is going to be another man.

    But it certainly doesn't hurt to ask her. Wording it such that you're concerned not so much about her reaction as those of her other guests... you don't want to imply that you think she wouldn't approve.

    I'd take your friend to the wedding and have a wonderful time.
     
    #23 Jim1454, Sep 13, 2013
  4. SeniorDiscount

    SeniorDiscount Guest

    Choirboy, I loved your story about your "obviously gay" college roommate coming to your wedding with his partner. LOL. And that is true, there tends to not be much inter-mingling at weddings. Well, at least not until the liquor has been consumed. Also, I love the visual of your "bedazzled shotgun"!

    Solaris, I actually find relatives like that sort of funny! LOL. I'd rather someone show interest in the gay lifestyle (whatever form that "interest" may take), than to stand in judgment over it. But yes, asking about positions is wayyyy over the line!

    Greatwhale, I do understand your reservations though. I'd probably think it was funny until the Aunt directed those questions at ME.

    biAnnika, you make great points. I felt a little silly Googling that question (for the record, I was going to do it even before a commenter made the suggestion), but live and learn, right?

    Chrissouth, thanks for the suggestion. I actually composed a message to Marcia (my friend) last night in which I officially came out to her AND explained my dilemma to her. Man, I spent about an hour editing that thing after I'd written it! I even squeezed my eyes shut when I pressed "Send." She hasn't replied yet. I'm going to be glued to my computer until she does.

    Lipstick_Leuger, you're certainly right that people would be more comfortable with us if WE are comfortable with our sexuality!

    Femme, I'm so glad that you and your partner finally got that slow dance!

    PeteNJ, I live outside of Indianapolis. It's kind of roll-of-the-dice, as far as reactions go. Many people are instantly accepting, but there are those "other" people. My partner and I went to dinner just last weekend, and when the man at the table beside us saw us holding hands, he changed his family's seating arrangement so that their son would have his back to us. There was really no other way to explain it, as they had been there for a good 10 minutes, and it happened within a minute of me making eye contact with the man. Oh well...I certainly did not let go of my partner's hand. :slight_smile:

    Jim1454, I thought the exact same things. :slight_smile: She is aware of my orientation through Facebook, and would probably not be surprised by the gender of my guest. But as I said above, I did send her a message anyway. Waiting (on pins and needles!) for a response.
     
    #24 SeniorDiscount, Sep 13, 2013
  5. SeniorDiscount

    SeniorDiscount Guest

    Well, friends, Marcia just wrote back to me. She said it was very "classy" of me to write her about this, and she appreciated my thoughtfulness. She said she has absolutely no problem with me bringing my partner, but that she was glad I told her because unfortunately she has a dad and brother who are less open-minded. She said that she will make sure she designs the Seating Chart so that they are at a table far from my partner and me. She said that, in a perfect world, she'd sit the 4 of us at the same table so that they could be exposed to a "beautiful, happy gay couple," but she is afraid that they will stare or even make a hurtful comment after a few drinks. She would not want to put my partner and me through that.

    She also congratulated me on coming out!!! In my initial e-mail, I'd expressed my embarrassment at coming out to my first friend at age 50. She said "fifty-shmifty" (LOL!) and said she's just glad that I came out at all. She was impressed at my "fearlessness" and said she cannot wait to meet my "boyfriend."

    I like the fact that she called him my "boyfriend." Makes me feel young! LOL!

    I'm excited that I get to call him and officially invite him now. :slight_smile:

    Again, THANK YOU all so much for your advice! What a treasure I have found in this community! :slight_smile:
     
    #25 SeniorDiscount, Sep 14, 2013
  6. greatwhale

    greatwhale
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2013
    Messages:
    6,582
    Likes Received:
    413
    Location:
    Montreal
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Congratulations! You indeed did this in a very thoughtful and considerate way; first-class!

    She sounds like a wonderful friend and very understanding of the situations around her. Indeed fifty shmifty! LOL

    Congrats on your boyfriend, it's great isn't it? I hope you have a wonderful time sharing this happy occasion together and sharing your relationship in public, it's so important that you include him in your celebrations, this will change your relationship for the better.
     
    #26 greatwhale, Sep 14, 2013
  7. Dragonbait

    Dragonbait Guest

    That's great. Nice to hear. And I'm so glad for your friendship that she did not disappoint.

    Looks like it's time for you to brush up on all those line dances now -(!!)
     
    #27 Dragonbait, Sep 14, 2013
  8. SeniorDiscount

    SeniorDiscount Guest

    Thanks so much, Greatwhale! Yes, you're right; it's sort of a "rite of passage" to be able to bring a significant other to events like this. My way of standing up and saying "Yes, I do count!" I spent so many decades feeling invisible while the rest of the straight world dated all around me. Not anymore! :slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 14th Sep 2013 at 05:34 AM ----------

    Dragonbait: LOL! Pressure is now on! I might have to update my repertoire. What are the kids doing these days? The "Wobble"? LOL
     
    #28 SeniorDiscount, Sep 14, 2013
  9. Cool Bananas

    Cool Bananas
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 3, 2013
    Messages:
    205
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Brisbane, but I seem to fly as much as superman
    Hi SeniorDiscount thanks for the post update, now you need to invite your boyfriend and I hope he is thrilled with the invitation.
     
    #29 Cool Bananas, Sep 14, 2013
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)
Page 2 of 2