So this topic is probably the most awkward I've had to discuss, but I'd like to get some input on it just to be a bit more knowledgeable. So I just bought one of the anal training kits with the firm rubber stoppers in 3 sizes. I have never stuck anything up my bum, not even a finger, and so any anal penetration is completely new for me. I've considered myself to have a rather sensitive and tight anus, which I figured would make any penetration rather difficult, so I'm not even sure if actual sex is even possible without some form of regular "training" to make things easier. I also never understood until now that sticking anything up in the sphincter will feel like defecation while pulling it back out, which is a very strange feeling, and hard to consider arousing at the moment. So it's hard to imagine getting off to this sort of thing, which makes me concerned about being with men later down the road as I start to date and potentially get serious with them. With all of that said, I have two questions I'd like to ask of the Gay and Bi EC members. 1. For those of you who initially had tight anuses, how long did it take you before you could accept larger objects, and did it become easier and successfully enjoyable? 2. Are some people simply incapable of having anal sex because their sphincter cannot handle the stress, and can this prove a deal breaker in Gay relationships?
Yup, that's me right now. Feels like I'm gonna poop and it's not a very arousing sensation. I bought a set of butt plugs, and so I gradually used a bigger one he more comfortable I was with it. It definitely makes it more comfortable and arousing when I don't see any or very minimal amounts of poop in the condom (I put it over the toy so it's easy to clean). I really hope this isn't me cause I love the idea of being penetrated, but there's times when it just isn't working (pain, feels like I'm gonna poop, etc). I'm learning to relax, take deep breaths, and not tighten the anus. Also, using lots of lube helps.
Relaxation is absolutely necessary to get anything in, but it's such a slow process to get even the smallest plug a good portion in. It's still my very first time trying anything like this. I'm just hoping the process will eventually become easier, to where I understand my anatomy down there a little more; what works and what doesn't work and the like.
Lube, if you think you have enough, add a little more. Not even joking, lube is your best friend when it comes to that kind of thing. Learning to relax is second. And this will sound counter intuitive, but it is possible to get over excited about penetration causing you to tense back up. If you are relaxed, it will make the muscles loosen up allowing for easier penetration. Another thing to try before hand is tease yourself. Lube the toy or finger up and just rub around your sphincter lightly.
I think just about every person should be capable of having anal sex. Well, barring those who might have some serious condition, like after certain surgeries. Now, whether it's their preference is another thing entirely. For me, I masturbate that way a lot less frequently, and the times I've reached the big O are ever rarer, but totally different from anything I could achieve any other way. It probably would be a deal breaker with certain people. I know plenty of gay men who are quick to drop someone if they aren't "sexually compatible". At the same time, it's not every couple than only has anal sex, constantly. People like a bit of variety, you know? And anal sex takes a lot of prep. That's not even including those who aren't into it! For me, it happened partly by accident. I'm quite scrupulous in the shower, and while cleaning "down there" got curious and found I like the sensation. I would do this on-and-off for years, and not until much later did I read up on things like anal sex, p-spot orgasms, and toys. When I finally did buy my first (a vibrator), I had plenty of practice. I still remember almost passing out, and was excited to find out that it was the closest thing to a traditional female orgasm. I can't stress patience and practice enough. You don't want to hurt yourself, and adding expectations will only make it feel like more of a chore than anything else. Don't expect any miracles. Some times are better than others. I'm sure you know of being relaxed, voiding yourself prior, and using lube? Basically, my entire teenage years was using my finger, and even then, slowly and not very deeply.
Thank you so much, ~gravechild. This is all why I decided to start trying to do this now, because trying to get my finger up in there seems unlikely, and a tad more uncomfortable than something more smooth and pointed. I'm going to take this whole process carefully and slowly. But I think if I make it a regular deal, I can hopefully get things to where actual sex is a possibility. Probably something I still won't like, but I can hope. Cause right now, I still don't really know if I'm Bi or Gay, and aside from that, I have no idea who I'll be in a relationship with next. So I'd like to try and cover my bases, you know? And yes, anal sex is not the only thing one could partake in. Personally speaking, I'd rather give a blow-job. At least that doesn't hurt if you skip deep-throating.
