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Anal Sex -- I cannot make feel pleasurable

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by new18, Jan 27, 2008.

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  1. chrisb

    chrisb
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    To atleast share a somewhat similar veiw to your original thoughts i to almost met up with someone much older then me i was 18 he was 35 but the whole idea after i thought about sounded insane.....but i made it as far as the meeting place then turned around luckilly i found out he left a message for me saying we needed to reschedule i just never contacted him again....but he was very similar in loving the thought i was a virgin, and wanting to deflower me he never showed a true interest in getting to know me more so in saying how good looking i was and wanting to see more of me....creepy stuff.......i'm glad you have reconsidered meeting him please be safe and try to find someone closer to your age
     
    #41 chrisb, Jan 29, 2008
  2. new18

    new18
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    Ok, I started ignoring him. Because I do not have the courage to ever tell a person that I'm breaking off contact with them. (It may because I am too nice, and will do almost anything to please a person) :bang:

    This happened yesterday.
    1) He called me -- I ignored his phone call :rolleyes:
    2) he called AGAIN -- and Ignored again :rolleyes:
    3) he called again -- Ignored again -- I am thinking does he REALLY want to be with me THAT BAD? geez how desperate!!
    4) he called the 4th time in ONE night -- I picked up the phone. :eusa_doh:

    5) he started being very friendly, and I finally told him "Look I do not think it is a good idea for us to meet" :dry:
    I will just say his name is Chris.


    Me: Hi, listen I want tell you something. It may not be a good idea for us to meet each other. I'm sorry :tears:
    Chris: Why not? I really want to meet you
    [B]Me[/B]: Look this is not going to workout, I cannot have sex my first time w/o condom, you just have to understand
    Chris: I am always cautious with who I am with, I have never had an STD and go to the doctor regularly to check up. I can bring you my papers if you would like.
    Me: ummmmmmmm I don't know,
    Chris: I never want to pressure you to do anything that you do not want to do, If
    Me: This isn't so much that I DON'T believe you, its just that when growing up we have always been pressured. Use Condoms, Use Condoms NO MATTER WHAT. So even if we are both clean, I think it is important to get accustomed to protection because you never know what might happen.
    Chris: No, I understand.
    Me: I mean I do want my first time to feel as "connected" as possible. So it might detract me, and I feel paranoid aftewards because they scare us at school. If you U have sex without condoms you get sick and die.:icon_sad: :rolleyes:

    Then the conversation just went off-topic afterwards.
    What do you guys think? :eusa_doh:


    YES, After my first time. Ill feel guilty, sick. My family has very strong Christian values, and I am attracted to men and well as women. But something in my mind keeps going off. ITS WRONG to be with men, its WRONG TO BE WITH MEN. :***:

    THAT is my issue. I am not worried about the SEX anymore. Its how I'll feel afterwards. My Christian values getting the best of me? I would really hate feeling that way. I doubt it will change wether I am 17 or 23 . :eek: :icon_redf

    Besides I've kind of lost faith in God, but my freaking "principals" keep going off!! Perhaps I just need to take the risk and go for it? I doubt Ill do something bad.

    Its just that I really want to experience life. I am in college and I have that mentality of experimenting.
     
    #42 new18, Jan 29, 2008
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2008
  3. tayana

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    I think there's two issues going on here.

    One, I still don't think you should meet this guy. I know you're wanting to experiment, but aren't there other guys, closer to your age on campus that you could be "friends with benefits" with? They wouldn't be out for a piece of virgin tail. This guy sounds manipulative to me.

    The other issue is that you don't feel comfortable with who you are, and no matter who you're with you're going to feel guilty. There's a number of gay Christian groups online. Gay Christian Network is one, but there are others. Is there a gay friendly church near your school that you could attend? I think you need to sort out these feelings before experimenting with anyone. You need to meet other people like you, so that you don't feel guilty about being with anyone, male or female. Does your school have something like a GSA or similar group? Maybe you could try that. You definitely need to meet other people and talk to them and grow comfortable with who you are and reconcile your beliefs.
     
    #43 tayana, Jan 29, 2008
  4. new18

    new18
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    /\
    /\

    I do not really think I can consider myself Christian for a few reasons. I had sex before marriage with a girl. I cannot consider myself Christian because it adds to hypocrisy.

    In the bible it says you cannot act on sexual impulses. Basically its not so much as "Wrong" with being homosexual, but acting on the homosexual impulses is wrong.

    And the same with No-Sex Before marriage. That is stated pretty clearly there, you cannot be Christian and have sex on the side. That is hypocritical. And I do not want to add to the hypocrisy, because religion to a certain degree is beneficial.

    The thing is that I am a closeted Bisexual. So I cannot talk to ANYONE about it. I would regret it..
    reconcile your beliefs? It feels like I am too headstrong to do that. I feel that giving myself a True identity would just put more strain on who I really am. -- That is what I am, I would rather be a fake and change myself from the actual me. It only hurts me in the end. Because I will never find peace with myself. And If can accept that. Than .. thats all I can say.

    Perhaps I am confused, but I think that its not so much with the "age" issue, I think I'll still feel this way even when I am 31 years old. It is a gradual process I think, something to get used to.

    Uhh,, I am just raving my thoughts, I do not even know if I am correct in my philosophy or not. LOL
     
    #44 new18, Jan 29, 2008
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2008
  5. Alexander

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    You can ALWAYS be a christian moslem jew whatever, no matter what you do. Just because you think you did something bad doesn't determine that you are thrown out of your church.

    and yeah, I think you're confused. Lay out all your beliefs and all your thoughts and discern what you need and want with life.
     
    #45 Alexander, Jan 29, 2008
  6. Quitex

    Quitex Guest

    Omg not religious issues again!!!!
    I really understand you. I have all times - all day the thoughts: I am a sinner, I am gay so I am sinner (which is not true, but there is a part of myself that yells... IT IS TRUE!!!! gah freaking brains... Had to have 2 hemispheres) and drives me crazy. Now I have this group of teenagers that I work with and they look at me as their model to be since "I am very connected with God and I like to pray and do good stuff" - BULLSHIT (well almost) so hell of thoughts I have....
    Dont stress out.
    Dont ever attemt to commit suicide. I've tried it and you'll regret.
    Dont ever feel lonely, because we're all with you *hug*
     
    #46 Quitex, Jan 29, 2008
  7. Ty

    Ty Guest

    Wait... so how did a thread about anal sex turn into a religious discussion?

    BACK TO SUBJECT!
     
    #47 Ty, Jan 29, 2008
  8. Paul_UK

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    Although this started out as a discussion about anal sex, there are a number of other issues involved in new18's situation which have and are also being discussed here. Part of this is some religious issues.

    Because the various issues are related it makes sense for it to all be covered in the one thread rather than trying to separate them to different threads.

    As long as the discussion about these remains relevant to new18's situation then it is fine. What we DO NOT want is to go off onto a more general discussion.

    This is new18's thread so it should remain focused on supporting and advising him.
     
    #48 Paul_UK, Jan 30, 2008
  9. Quitex

    Quitex Guest

    Please :wink:

    Thanks :slight_smile:
     
    #49 Quitex, Jan 30, 2008
  10. new18

    new18
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    Question:

    The legal age of consent in Arizona is 18.


    Even though I turn 18, in two weeks.
    What if I had "sex" the day before I turned 18?

    With a guy who was 22 years older then me?


    so 17 vs. 39 -- is that considered statutory rape?
     
    #50 new18, Jan 31, 2008
  11. beckyg

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    Yep, you can wait a day. :slight_smile:
     
    #51 beckyg, Jan 31, 2008
  12. Paul_UK

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    I don't know whether it is statutory rape but it is certainly illegal. The 18 limit is a set boundary in law. The one day makes no difference to you as a person but the world of difference in the eyes of the law.

    Does this mean you are still going ahead with this then? After all everyone has said here?

    If so them that's your decision and you have to suffer the consequences.

    I have said what I think and so have numerous other people. I'm not going to repeat myself. It seemed as though you saw sense too, for a while........
     
    #52 Paul_UK, Jan 31, 2008
  13. tayana

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    It's still illegal. Yes, it's statutory rape.

    So, you're going through with this? If you do, I hope you don't regret your choice. ANd if you do, at least have the sense to make him use a condom.
     
    #53 tayana, Jan 31, 2008
  14. new18

    new18
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    Okay basically here is what happened. I told him I cannot see him It is too dangerous, and Its not worth the risk. Plus its ILLEGAL and whether I am 18 or not. Its shunned upon, and something that can be judged by people. He is older then my parents. So its not good.
    I think I am not ready, even If I am not ready by 21 years old, I do not care. One night of a good time, might emotinally make me feel bad.

    I do want to do this, but its not going to be good for me emotionally.

    SO NO I am not going to go through with this. .. Maybe in half a year if he still keeps contact with me I will consider him again.

    But the age difference is a big gap. So No I will no do it.
     
    #54 new18, Jan 31, 2008
  15. s5m1

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    Here is the law on age of consent in Arizona:

    13-1405. Sexual conduct with a minor; classifications

    A. A person commits sexual conduct with a minor by intentionally or knowingly engaging in sexual intercourse or oral sexual contact with any person who is under eighteen years of age.

    B. Sexual conduct with a minor who is under fifteen years of age is a class 2 felony and is punishable pursuant to section 13-604.01. Sexual conduct with a minor who is at least fifteen years of age is a class 6 felony. Sexual conduct with a minor who is at least fifteen years of age is a class 2 felony if the person is the minor's parent, stepparent, adoptive parent, legal guardian or foster parent and the convicted person is not eligible for suspension of sentence, probation, pardon or release from confinement on any basis except as specifically authorized by section 31-233, subsection A or B until the sentence imposed has been served or commuted.
     
    #55 s5m1, Jan 31, 2008
  16. new18

    new18
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    What happened was I did want to go through with it. The age gap did not bother so much, it was the "condom" issue, and that was debatable.

    But when he offered to film us having sex, I suddenly said "HELL NO" and told him forget about me completely.

    It felt like he had too much of a "pedophillia" thing going for him. He wants a very young guy, he WANTED to do it with me BEFORE my 18th Birthday. Without protection and wanted to film us doing it.

    That is not something I agree on. Sure I prefer "older" guys, but for me age does not matter. Whether he is 27 or 47. But he only is attracted to 16-19 year olds. Not my type of thing. Its a sickness on his extent. NOT an attraction. I have seen Law & Order SVU, bunch of times and I suddenly got a case of that!!
     
    #56 new18, Jan 31, 2008
  17. s5m1

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    A wise choice. Your face (and other parts) would likely have been featured all over the web. This has actually been a great thread to remind all of us of the potential risks when we meet someone online.
     
    #57 s5m1, Jan 31, 2008
  18. Paul_UK

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    Wow, there are just so many warning signs in that post. I am so pleased you have seen the signs and realised what he is up to.

    Your time will come. You will meet someone who does care about you. But this man is not that person.
     
    #58 Paul_UK, Jan 31, 2008
  19. new18

    new18
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    EXACTLY --!! That would freak me out, how scary millions of people watching me. Yeah I could sue him, but then my life would be over. I am not going to risk it. There are too many things that are wrong with that.

    No condoms, Sex tapes, ONLY liking very young guys. ?????????


    (Understandable how Paris Hilton feels like)


    I cannot believe If I went through with that how much my life could be at risk. freaky.
     
    #59 new18, Jan 31, 2008
  20. Lane

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    I think you have made the best, and really the only safe decision possible.

    Regardless of the age difference between you, the intentions of the man you have been speaking with are clearly not good. Anyone who intentionally and willing attempts to engage in sexual acts with a person under the age of consent is just looking to fullfill his own agenda. He will not care for you in the way you want him to, period. Your emotional health would most likely suffer greatly after such an encounter.

    I think given enough time there is bound to be someone closer to your age you will make a real connection with. And then you will finally get both of what you want and need, a fullfilling sexual experience and an emotional bond with your new partner. For these reasons waiting is very much worth it!
     
    #60 Lane, Jan 31, 2008
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