I've had dysphoria for about four or five years now and have finally come to the conclusion that I'm most likely non-binary since I genuinely don't feel male or female and trying to identify as one or the other never fully feels right. But I feel guilty for feeling this way bc I see lots of people say non-binary isn't a valid identity or its not possible for the brain to be structured somewhere inbetween. So is it possible that I might be trans and am not aware of it yet? I have always felt jealousy towards the opposite gender bc I've wanted to have the stereotypical male features such as their physiques and their deep masculine voices, but every time I imagine myself being referred to as a boy it rubs me the wrong way. It usually makes me uncomfortable to be referred to as a girl as well, but I'm still presenting as a female since I'm not completely sure of my identity and I don't want to inconvenience anyone with the change of pronouns yet. Any advice?
It could be you're not used to it, however if being referred to a guy "rubs you the wrong way" you're probably not FtM. If you're not sure about your identity, and you think you could be a guy or Non-Binary, you could always experiment with strangers at stores or restaurants or even around a neighbourhood or campus and see how they interact with you and treat you. I think with Non-Binary being a...newer identity that most people haven't heard of, you will get people thinking it's not a valid identity, or it's a phase. You are 100% valid no matter how you identify yourself. If you haven't heard of them, there's a Non-Binary YouTuber by the name of Ash Hardell you can check out. My best advice if you're questioning, would just be experimentation. If you have a couple friends you trust, you could always ask them to call you your preferred name or pronouns, and just say that you are questioning and you want to see how it feels to be referred to as such.
I watched A Wrinkle In Time. That's a difficult book to convert to film, but it did have some really great thoughts in the dialogue. Here is one that I loved: Mrs. Which: Do you realize how many events and choices that had to occur since the birth of the universe, leading to the making of you just exactly the way you are? Meg: I guess I never really thought about that. Mrs. Which: Maybe now's the time to start thinking about it.
Yep. You're valid. 100%. I know I'm valid, simply because "I think, therefore; I am." What others say is an expression of opinion. It can't be fact, because they can't know your mind. As long as we can only truly know our own mind, where others are concerned, all else is, by definition, opinion alone. So here's the rub: I can't, nor can anyone else, advise you on your identity or to what level you should conform to gender stereotype x or y, whether you fit neatly in some category, or not, better than you yourself can. I know that isn't perhaps the concrete answer you seek, but it's true. So maybe you want to dress one way today, and act a different way tomorrow, be referred to by this pronoun or that, all I can suggest is if it suits what's in your mind and yours alone, try it! See if it fits, even if just for today.
