Am I the only gay guy who is unattractive?

Aha. You've just hit on something that makes things a bit clearer from a psychological point of view. The problems you're having transcend your feelings about the way you look. They're largely self esteem issues stemming from bullying/struggling to make friends in school. I sympathise entirely with that as well, since people acted exactly the same to me back then.

What you have to understand is that that certainly isn't related to the way you look. You're just not sure how to interpret the self esteem issues that you've developed, so on a subconscious level you've directed them towards your physical appearance, and now they're making you obsessively worry about how you look.

Have you tried speaking to a doctor about how you're feeling? I'm just really concerned for you, because it sounds like you could be on your way to developing BDD (if you don't have it already). Please, please write on my wall or PM me if you prefer, because I know exactly what you are going through and I really want to help if I can.

 

It's body dysmorphic disorder. It basically means that you can't look at your body and see it for what it is, you just view it as ugly and flawed. It's not fun, I've been there too and I think I'm slipping back into it.

 

I can understand how you feel; I think the gay community is profoundly stereotyped as superficial and even worse "vacous" and even slight. It's part of that institutionalised bigotry that all minority groups face in their own way. The consequences to this are tremendous since many of us inadvertently buy in to this stereotype but there is a simple truth to this, it is a pile of crap!! Of course there will always be a proportion of people for whom looks are the most important thing in the world; those people will not have the best quality of life unless a change occurs only for the reasons that at some point by virtue of being human we will age and at some in time our face will begin to lose its elasticity and symmetry. You better hope than when theyre 75 and saggy those people would come to terms with it. Don't worry about those people, they are silly and don't let them or your expectations of the entire gay community make you feel less than you are, be it physically or psychologically!!! I have never ever been attracted to anyone solely on their looks, so many factors determines how we draw and attract each other, voice, posture, charisma but most importantly personlality as cliche as that sounds there's a real truth to it, especially in seeking relationships that matter. If someone is going to judge just by the way you look then they are a bigot, and I've got no time for bigots, nor should you

 

Men in general don't disciminate that much when I comes to sex. You may just be looking In the wrong places.

 

It's not just about sex. Plenty of gay men want loving, monogamous relationships, and they're often more difficult to find than a quick shag at a night club, especially when the man in question has poor body image.

 

cmon lets see 90% of people think theyre uglier than they actually are

 

[YOUTUBE]Dove Real Beauty Sketches - YouTube[/YOUTUBE]

 

Yes, they are sometimes lonely and sometimes unfulfilled because they are high maintenance. I've met very, very few 9s and 10s in my life who were genuinely nice people, and a quick study told me I didn't need to stick around to get to know them better. At any rate, there was a line to befriend these people anyway ...

OP, I am almost certain that you are much harder on yourself than what the situation REALLY is. I, too, have had an issue with comparing myself. For some reason, some colleges are known for attractive student bodies (meaning the population, not individual physicality ... well, maybe, yes) and I've recently come to learn that my alma mater comes up high on those rankings, which are now found all over the internet and on various sites. It can be a little intimidating. How did I deal with it? I spent lots and lots of time in the library hitting the books and made a few genuine friends I still know today. The operative word is genuine. If you relax and don't look for friends, the friendships will just sort of happen.

 

I don't ever remember saying...or even thinking to myself...that anyone is "ugly". It doesn't even enter my mind. A great attitude and self confidence trumps a pretty face everytime..for a lot of people.

 

Aw don't feel that way. I have never seen you, so i have no idea. But i do know that everyone who may not be that attractive will still look in the mirror and think themselves attractive. But you dont, so im going out on a limb and saying you are actually really attractive but dont realize this. Ask your friends (best friends) they will be honest with you. If you have any girlfriends ask them to help.

What i think you really need is a sense of self confidence. Confidence (with a bit of moderation) makes someone a lot more attractive than they appear. Take Jennifer Lawrence, if she was always staring in the mirror thinking about how awful she thought she looked, no one would find her attractive. But she doesnt do that, she probably couldn't care less how she looks. And that makes her more attractive. Does that make sense?

Most cute guys dont even realize how cute they are :3

 

A bunch to say, most of it a rerun.

Non-hot guys go on dates.
They get laid.
They get boyfriends.

To me, very few (gay) guys are attractive. As in "he could be a model" or something. Maybe 1%. The rest of us are average, with good points and bad points. And most of us gay mortals don't cause other gay men to get pudgy in the drawers every time we walk through the door. We're stuck doing things the slow way. We have to get to know people, interact with them, and start appealing to them on a level other than just "nice ass". Because when they start clicking with us as people, suddenly the body we occupy becomes attractive as well. The way you might love a certain breakfast cereal even if the box looks silly. When you see that silly box, you think "hey, that's that breakfast cereal I like" not "there's that box with the dumb dancing bear on it".

A lot of people early on think as you do. They think the only way people can get something started is if there's this instantaneous attraction at the outset. "I can't date somebody I'm not attracted to, and nobody I'm attracted to would be interested in somebody like me." Which is accurate if dating consisted of walking into a crowded room, pointing at the guys who made you pudgy, and seeing if they nodded yes or shook their head no. And although that IS how things work at (say) a gay bar, that isn't how it works in real life. You can actually go out and meet people. Interact with them. Hang out with them. And see if things start to develop. Maybe nothing will. In which case, you've got a friend, and which of us couldn't use another one of those? And if something does, then you can start dating.

Side note:

I've found that a lot of attractive people ARE assholes, in one way or another. Simply because they can be. Most of us mere mortals have found out that we have to be pleasant and polite and "good people" in order for people to interact well with us. Hot people can skip that step - people will interact with them anyway.

I should also point out that I've met plenty of attractive people who are ALSO wonderful people. And good for them.

Lex

 

I don't know you from Adam, but even if you are below average, that still puts you in the same league as the rest of us. You have to go talk to people, and forge some friendships and relationships. I know several people I'd classify as probably below-average-attractive, and they get into relationships as well. Of course, if you've decided that the damage is done and permanent, there's really nothing I or anybody else can do to help.

Lex

 

You are still young and maybe it's not your time yet to shine. As we get older our tastes, preference, outlook change..... And some guys become more attractive as they age, like a fine wine go ahead make friends and sorround yourself with positive people. Learn how to love yourself, then you will attract love.

 

Well i am really sorry you feel that way, but i dont care how you look (if that helps) you sound like a great person! (&&&) therefore somebody will like you.

 

(*hug*) Don't say it will never get better. You have self esteem issues. That happens to a lot of people at high school. There are those of us like me and you who take it a bit more to heart, but that doesn't mean that it can't be worked through. Have you done any of the things I suggested? Sorry to be patronising but I thought they were good suggestions, even if I can't take my own advice! Just go and look in a mirror, force yourself to, and tell yourself all the good things about you, the things that any guy would be lucky to have you for. They can be physical or emotional, you'll start to feel better about yourself either way

Seriously, as I've said before you do not want to end up like me. I literally cannot look in the mirror without feeling sick. You're not at that stage yet, and so there's still time to patch up your self esteem before it's too late. A doctor or a counsellor would be an enormous help to you. And as I've said before, you know you're always welcome to write on my wall or PM me if you want a chat/want to talk about what's bothering you. I understand what you're going through and really want to help. I'm sad that you feel this way about yourself.

 

I doubt you are that bad looking, and either way I would never consider anyone out of someone elses league, if they match and have compatibility it works, the only people who are "out of your league" are people who think they are better at everything compared to you, and you shouldn't even bother with them

You do you, because someone owning what they got is attractive