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Am I still trans if I didn't feel like a boy when I was younger?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by arieltyler, Jan 17, 2016.

  1. arieltyler

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    My dad keeps telling me that I'm not trans because when I was younger I dressed "like a girl" and I didn't have dysphoria until a year+ ago. I 100% believe that I am a boy. I hate my body and I want to go on testosterone and I want top surgery, etc. please help me convince him
     
  2. breq

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    Sooooooo... This is something I struggled with, since it seems like most trans narratives revolve around the idea of knowing early in your life that something was off. I had no clue. Until I was 27. Society constructs gender identity in a way that often makes it difficult for people to realize their inner identities right off the bat. Let me break it down.

    You "dressed like a girl". This is meaningless. Clothes don't have a gender or any anatomy attached to them. Our society has certain expectations attached to the clothing we wear, but it is all constructed and not helpful.

    You didn't have dysphoria as a child. Unnecessary. You do not need to have body dysphoria to be trans. It is also pretty common for dysphoria to not set in until puberty. But again, dysphoria is not a box you need check to be trans.

    You are positive you are a boy. You are a boy. Nobody gets to tell you who/what you are or how/what you feel.

    You told your dad, which is a super huge step. Congrats! It might take him some time to come to terms with it. I hope things go smoothly. These are some complicated issues and a lot of people in this world are just very uninformed on gender identity and expression. Good luck!
     
  3. arieltyler

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    this was so helpful, thank you SO much! my parents are coming to terms with it more quickly than i thought they would. they consistently call me by my chosen name. pronouns are still an issue but we'll get there eventually. thanks again!
     
  4. Alder

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    I agree with Breq.

    Although some trans people know they're trans and experience/realize they're experiencing dysphoria from a really young age, others don't until much older - whether it be 20s, 30s, 50s, you name it. Doesn't invalidate their gender and themselves in any way. Sometimes many factors - society, expectations, how we were raised and treated, influence when and how people realize they're trans or begin to recognize or experience dysphoria.

    I dressed like, lived like, did everything "like a girl" when I was younger too, or like how I was "supposed" to dress/live/act. It's because that was what I was born, raised, and taught to do. It fit into expectations and I thought I was fine. People called me a girl, addressed me as she/her, daughter, niece, and I didn't fight that, I just lived with it and saw myself how I thought I should see myself. It's understandable.
    I barely even registered there was anything at all going on in regards to my gender until recently, when things began to fall into place, I began to explore and figure things out, and a million things happened at once that I would've never expected at all one or two years ago. And I'm really quite a bit older than the age some people figure all this out. I definitely relate to you.

    You know who you are now. You know what you want for you and your body, you know are a boy. That's what's important, and nothing gets to invalidate that. I hope all things go well with your parents, and just remember that every trans person's experience is different and unique. You know who you are now, and that's what's important.
     
    #4 Alder, Jan 30, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2016
  5. Argentwing

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    A realization hitting me harder every day is: You aren't who you were, 15 years or 15 minutes ago, and are not obliged to keep up any sort of pattern for its own sake. You are who you are now, and it's up to you to decide what that means. :slight_smile:
     
    #5 Argentwing, Jan 30, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2016