Title sounds weird - because the situation is. So I have never told my parents how I identify. I told my dad about me being bi but it was so sudden and he never brought it up again, which makes me think he may have genuinely forgotten. However, I own pride merch. I own a trans flag, large bi and rainbow flags, and nonbinary and aromantic pins. My parents have never mentioned anything about them, not even odd looks their way, like nothing is out of the ordinary. They still refer to me with she/her, call me their daughter and assume I want a boyfriend. They most probably know what the flags mean, they use the internet regularly and have been on pride parades (I got all my pride merch on one) but what if they don't? I have no clue what to do. There's also the situation of my sister, she follows me on my instagram, which does state all my identities and pronouns but still acts like she doesnt know. Is she unsupportive ?? She never said anything about them.. and I can't just ask "hey you do know I'm trans, right?" because what if she DOES know and just chooses not to respect it? Theres also my half brother... I am not coming out to him. He's kinda racist and just plain doesn't know what any of this means. And I really don't care if he knows so we're skipping him. I am out everywhere else. People in my school know, my friends know, the internet knows, but still my familly seems either clueless or casually homophobic and transphobic. And I have no idea which it is. So, I'm asking a question I never expected to have, am I out to them?
Maybe they don't know what all the flags mean maybe tell them what they all mean and maybe they will get a hint or ask questions just my suggestion.
Another possibility is that they are waiting for you to come out to them, giving you space until you let them know exactly what you want to be called and what you identify as, rather than assuming wrongly. It is a tough call on your part whether you tell them, but doing so indirectly may not be fair in that it expects them to know, but not know for sure. Just speaking from a parent's point of view. With my son, if I saw the flags, I would gently ask him. By gently, I mean mean it would go along the lines of, hey I noticed your flags and I am not totally sure if you know what they mean. If you do that's cool and if you identify with any of them that is cool too, but I am not going to assume anything. I AM going to love you no matter what your answer is, or no matter if you don't know but are expressing yourself. I will also help you with any questions you may have, no judgements, just unconditional love and support. I know this because I have had a similar talk with him when he was questioning his sexuality a few years ago. I felt honored that he felt close enough and safe enough to share with me his struggles. We have always been close and still are, even though he is 23 and living on his own. I caution though. I am not like most parents. Peace, Kiromane
If they have been on pride parades with you, they might just assume that you were attending them in the same way they were, ie as an ally. I think that's unlikely. Most probably he just assumed it was 'a phase', like so many parents have before them. I think you probably need to spell it out. Beth
Often people let others come out rather than prompt them to do so. It can make it easier if they come to you first but some people might resent others pushing them to come out. In some ways, coming out is for the individual to do, in their time, on their terms etc. I think if your parents have been to pride parades, that's an awesome start! Sometimes parents just want to give their kids space and it can be hard for them to figure out when to leave you be and when to ask questions. It could be just them respecting boundaries and letting you do you without interrogating you about everything. Personally, I don't know what all of the flags mean, so they probably have no idea too. I've noticed the bi flag because I'm bi, but that's about it. Just sit the easiest family member to talk to about this with down or just the whole group and tell them how you identify, how you feel, what you're thinking and what you're going through. It would be nice and perhaps easier if the flags and insta profile prompted them to ask you but at least you get to choose when, where, with whom and how you have the conversation if you instigate it. You could tell them you want to explain some things to them and then tell them what each flag means and why they help you understand yourself and how you identify. I'd be surprised if your dad had simply forgotten, so you've already started to come out. Your sister probably noticed the pronouns on your profile but maybe she was respecting that as an online statement and she's waiting for you to come out at home and to your parents. Maybe she's waiting for you to bring it up. Maybe she doesn't know what to say. She's probably more understanding than my dad and even he was accepting. Not that I thought he wouldn't be but I didn't want to tell him. I'm sure he probably judges me for it but now that's his problem! Outwardly though, he was supportive and as a result of coming out, I'm at peace with it. Good luck! I hope it goes well.
