Am I genderqueer or FTM? I'm really confused please help.

TomSawyer · Aug 17, 2017

Hi I'm Sawyer and for now I identify as genderqueer and prefer they/them pronouns.

This is probably going to be a really long post and I apologize in advance. I just have a lot to say and not a lot of people I want to talk to about this just yet.

I've been out as genderqueer for a while now, and almost everyone I know is pretty supportive, but I've noticed a few things that make me question my gender identity.

First of all, my dysphoria. I hate my breasts and my curves. Being called ma'am, miss, she/her, and other feminine things really bothers me. It makes me feel like I've been stabbed in the heart every time. But I really like being called Sir. It makes me happy. And when someone assumes that I'm a guy and then corrects themselves when they hear my voice, I just want to cry.

Also, I prefer most masculine titles. I've always preferred to deceive my sexuality as just plain "gay" and when me and my friends are joking about me being the best at something, I like King. (Like the King of sarcasm or something) It makes me feel so much more comfortable than "Royal" or "Queen." And sometimes I just want my siblings to see me as a brother not a nonbinary sibling. And when people use he/him pronouns to refer to me my mom always says that it's just like when they use she/her and that I need to correct them, but I wish she wouldn't. It's not the same for me. I hate being called she/her but I like he/him.

But at the same time, some days, I like wearing dresses and just feminine clothes in general. Maybe I'm a feminine guy? But idk, I don't like being called feminine. It makes me uncomfortable.

I don't want to tell anyone close to me about this until I'm sure of what I am. I just don't know. I hope someone here can help me try to sort out what I'm feeling. Besides, having already come out as genderqueer, I feel like coming out as trans would not only confuse people, but lead them to believe that nonbinary gender identities aren't real at all. Or maybe they'll think I was too scared to tell them the whole truth.

Maybe I'm genderqueer, maybe I'm FTM. I don't know.

Cody18 · Aug 17, 2017

From reading that I get the impression that you are just FtM but with some "feminine" interests/tastes, nothing wrong with that at all.

To me it seems like you very much identify with the masculine side of things and based on what you've said don't have a problem being associated with words commonly used to describe men.

In my experience people who are genderqueer usually prefer more neutral terms, but it's not unheard of for someone who is non binary to prefer masculine or feminine terms so you could still well fall into the non binary category.

To answer the question I would think you mainly have to consider this; do you feel completely like a man/want to be perceived as male etc or do you feel as if referring to yourself as a man is wrong, likely as it does not completely reflect who you are?

If it feels right I'd say in all likelihood your probably FtM (only you can know for sure but that's be my guess) if it doesn't feel right then you are probably some form of non binary.

Also, if you do come to the conclusion that you're FtM and as such people begin to disbelieve non binary identities, that's on them, not on you, there's no need to feel guilty about you being true to yourself.

Differentisgood · Aug 17, 2017

I've been going through that same thing but I'm not out to anyone, I have short hair and everything and I told my one friend that someone thought I was a dude when I went into the girls bathroom. He told me I didn't look anything like a boy and It kinda hurt. I was also kinda joking with my other friend, because she knows I like the female. I said I was her AGBF which stands for Androgyne gynesexual best friend. I felt like it was my first toe dip into learning what my gender identity is. But I'm still figuring out things. I thought I was androgynous, but as the days went I felt less and less feminine. It takes time, don't expect it to just come to you over night. I hope you the best.

TomSawyer · Aug 18, 2017

Cody18 said: ↑

From reading that I get the impression that you are just FtM but with some "feminine" interests/tastes, nothing wrong with that at all.

To me it seems like you very much identify with the masculine side of things and based on what you've said don't have a problem being associated with words commonly used to describe men.

In my experience people who are genderqueer usually prefer more neutral terms, but it's not unheard of for someone who is non binary to prefer masculine or feminine terms so you could still well fall into the non binary category.

To answer the question I would think you mainly have to consider this; do you feel completely like a man/want to be perceived as male etc or do you feel as if referring to yourself as a man is wrong, likely as it does not completely reflect who you are?

If it feels right I'd say in all likelihood your probably FtM (only you can know for sure but that's be my guess) if it doesn't feel right then you are probably some form of non binary.

Also, if you do come to the conclusion that you're FtM and as such people begin to disbelieve non binary identities, that's on them, not on you, there's no need to feel guilty about you being true to yourself.
Click to expand...

Thanks so much for replying!

I don't really know how to answer that question. Most of the time, I want to present as male, and I've been thinking about medically transitioning when I get older. Being referred to as male makes me really happy, and I've started trying to train my voice to be deeper so that people percieve me as male more often.

But I can't sort out if I feel completely male or not. It's kinda foggy and the more I think about gender and what makes someone a guy, the more foggy it becomes. I don't know the line between nonbinary and male and I don't think there is one, cause gender doesn't really work like that, but I really wish I just knew a label that fit.

If being called a guy makes me happy, does that mean it's who I really am? Or does occasionally feeling bomb in a dress make
me nonbinary? I still don't really know. But I really appreciate your reply, and it gave me something to think about. Thanks for your advice.

-Sawyer

TomSawyer · Aug 18, 2017

Differentisgood said: ↑

I've been going through that same thing but I'm not out to anyone, I have short hair and everything and I told my one friend that someone thought I was a dude when I went into the girls bathroom. He told me I didn't look anything like a boy and It kinda hurt. I was also kinda joking with my other friend, because she knows I like the female. I said I was her AGBF which stands for Androgyne gynesexual best friend. I felt like it was my first toe dip into learning what my gender identity is. But I'm still figuring out things. I thought I was androgynous, but as the days went I felt less and less feminine. It takes time, don't expect it to just come to you over night. I hope you the best.
Click to expand...

Thanks for sharing your experience with me!

It helps to know that I'm not alone in struggling with this, and if you ever need help with other problems of your own, don't hesitate to message me. Gender is weird, huh?

-Sawyer

Am I genderqueer or FTM? I'm really confused please help.

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Am I genderqueer or FTM? I'm really confused please help.

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