I bet this has been postes a billion times. Just want some outside input on my personal situation. I am a 20 year old male and i just dont know. I do think women are attractive, but i never fantasize about them when i touch myself. Ive always watched gay porn since i discovered porn. I discovered porn when i was maybe 11 and only watched lesbian which was great. I then got curious and watched gay porn one time when i was 12. I still remember the first time i jacked off to it it was honestly great. I have pretty much only watched gay porn since then (which is a lot haha) and only think of having sex with men in my fantasies and in my waking and sleeping dreams. My orgasms watching gay porn are 10x that of watching straight porn, which I never even watched, it just never did anything for me. However when i live my day to day life, i still notice girls when i walk down the street and I'll notice a guy if hes exceptionally good looking. But when it comes to who i want a relationship with, I just cant see myself having a relationship with a guy. I would definitely want to have sex with a guy but I would never date one. I just dont have the emotional connection with men, its purely sexual. I have had sex with 1 woman, but had the opportunity to have sex with 3. Problem was I just couldnt get hard with the first two. Honestly I dont really like vaginas. I did enjoy having sex with the girl though. I've never had sex with another guy despite my daily fantasies of it. Its like i fantasize and as soon as I'm done I immediately go back to the straight me and I have no interest in men anymore. I have had crushes on women, and maybe 1 guy. I usually have no sexual attraction towards men in public unless they are extremely attractive. Any help is greatly appreciated
Hi, and welcome! From what you're describing, it seems pretty certain you're at the gay end of the spectrum. Most gay men can still admire and appreciate women, they just have little to no desire to have sex with them. You're not saying anything that makes it sound like you actually have real sexual arousal toward women, just that you feel like you ought to, and that you can admire them. And on the other hand, it sounds like almost all your masturbatory fantasies are about men, and your orgasms when fantasizing about men are much stronger than when you're thinking about women. Those things point pretty strongly toward being gay rather than being bi (it's very clear you're not straight.) It's likely that the lack of sexual attraction in public is conditioned; most people, when they begin to realize they are same-sex attracted, feel some level of resistance and shame about accepting that idea (thank you, religious bigots and negative media messages.) So as you start to accept any loss (in this case, loss of perception you're straight) there are stages we go through: denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance. It can take minutes or years, and the stages aren't always sequential. So it sounds like you're somewhere between the denial and bargaining stages, which is not surprising. I suspect that if you really think about this deep down, you already know the answer, and are more looking to understand how to get to acceptance. I hope this helps. I'd suggest that you keep thinking about it and talking about it here, as that's the best way to help you clarify, and, if you are gay, to accept yourself.
Chip’s advice is spot on. It is hard at the beginning to acknowledge that your gay. It is natural to try to hang on to idea that you should be aroused by women. As you become more comfortable with your sexuality that idea will fade and you start to feel both a sexual and emotion connection to other men. My guess would be by then your interest in women will bottom out. Give it time.
Thank you so much. Sorry for the late response, i actually forgot i posted this. But today a guy asked me out and thats when i remembered. I havent replied to him yet but after reading your post i think i am gay and i think im going to accept his offer
I wish you well on the date! You are still in the searching phase. It's good that you are getting out of your comfort zone. Try to be relaxed and be yourself. You may find that the other guy may be nervous as well. Enjoy the experience and have a good time. It may confirm that you may indeed be gay. If so, there's nothing wrong with that. You will have connected to a hidden part of yourself which needed to be uncovered. Good luck!
As others have said, it sounds like you're still getting to know yourself, and that's okay. If you don't find yourself aroused by naked women or vaginas, you're definitely not straight. It sounds like you do have some attraction to women, but are, for the most part, attracted to men. You may be bisexual, but mostly attracted to men, or just gay and can still appreciate how beautiful women are. For example, I am mostly turned off by gay porn. I found some clips in the past that I enjoyed, but for the most part find myself watching straight porn, but will at times focus on the guy if he's really hot. But I can never watch a straight porn clip if I'm not attracted to the girl; it just won't work. So if you're finding yourself always watching gay porn and never really being turned on by women... sounds like you're probably gay... possibly bisexual. But that's for you to decide. Good luck on the date!
Good luck on your date. I think you will find that as you become comfortable with your sexuality it becomes easier to relax and enjoy the date. For sure it’s hard to combat the anti same sex programming we have all been subject to. However once you do it is possible to enjoy an intimate same sex relationship. Have fun.
I think if your truly honest with yourself as time goes on your true sexuality will emerge. Date some guys and explore what it’s like to be in a gay relationship. It might resonate with you or it may prove a simple curiosity. Just be honest with yourself and you will find the right path for you. Gay, bi, straight it’s all good if that’s you! Gay is so much better.lol
