Am I Bi? Sorry for the long ramble post, get it off my chest. I am in my 30s and am in a relationship with a woman for 7 years, who I love so much and plan to marry, but I always had the question in back of my head, am I bi? I have only ever been attracted to women and I have only ever been with women. Day to day I only ever noticed women but not guys, its not until I got horny that I was turned on by guys and women, fantasizing about them, want a guy to be with. It started in my 20s I start I noticed something different. I started view gay porn, mainly just feminine guys, drag, crossdressers, androgynous guys. In my head when I view it I was think ‘Im not gay or bi because they look really fem or girly’ and after watching gay porn and finished I go back straight to being total turned off by guys and only attracted to women. Progress further into my 20s, I started to build up friendships. It wasn’t until I got closer as friends that something happened I started to feel a feeling that I want to have a sexual experience with them. This feel came on and off and it confused me. I had never experienced this feeling with any other guy or friend. Later on I made another friend and the same thing happened again, the on off sexual fantasizing about them. It felt weird, having this feeling towards a friend and felt like I was only getting this with build up friendship was involved. All through out I was watch gay porn and after watching gay porn and finished I go back straight to being total turned off by guys and only attracted to women. So I reason that Im not gay, but the friendship thing still put doubt in my head. I occiationally saw a hot guy at the gym or pool, but I kept bruising all this off suppressing it. It wasn’t until I met my long term gf that it started made me truly doubt myself. All this time I had been attracted to Fem, drag, crossdressers, so brused it off as they look like woman, but then I suddenly started had crush on twinks and occaionally a masc guy. I talked to somebody online and I arranged date to test myself, seemed really nice and sweet, but stood me up saying there prob better options for him and thats where I met my gf when I was stood up. I never got to see if my feeling was really or if I was really sexually attracted to guy because I never been with a guy. Following the year I have had like one crush on twink or femboy, in real life, but got turned on by fem, bears, twinks online. I can recognise people are sexually attractive and think there hot but not until I get to know them I get truly attracted to them. Im attracted to guys when i horny then nothing after, i rarely get crushes on guys and those guys are mainly fem, I never being with a guy or kissing a guy. I fell like i will always doubt myself and are my feeling based on fantazisy or reality. Why is it that I started attracted to couple friends only when I knew them. Can somebody help and suggest what I should do.
You sound like you could be bi to me, or at the least bi-curious. Because a guy who was 100% straight would not have sought out an encounter with a dude imho. You also said you’re still curious now, so I think it’s safe to say men hold at least a sexual interest for you if nothing else.
Firstly, welcome to EC. A ramble is sometimes necessary. It lets one process things you are stuck with. Orientation is difficult to determine. For some of us it was at an early age, for others little later in life, but eventually we get there. Remember, its not cast in stone, so things can always change. One thing to get out the way. What type of porn you watch or enjoy does not define your orientation in my opinion. That is just biology. Attraction on the other hand is a different story. Having attraction to other gender starts thet process of self discovery. What you allow, or not allow, would start making sense and with you being on EC tells me that you have started this process. That you could be bi can be a valid observation, in my opinion. Only you can can come to the final conclusion, what makes sense for you and what you feel comfortable with.
Maybe bi-curious in my opinion. But as long as you are only 'seeing' women when being out, I would guess that being with a man can mainly be a fantasy but not what you are really want. Maybe some more experiences can help you clarify it
ya its mainly women i see when out. Once in awhile a really fem guy or toned swimmer catches my eye and i have a crush. I hate that i get really turned on my guys when im turned on and want to be with them, but then soon after total turned off and i say to myself 'not me it was just because i was horny, im striaght', but then i see really cute fem guy in real life and makes me question myself again.
Thank you Im in long term relentship, how would i go about exploring to find out if i am. Ive had bad advice before like go to a sauna and stuff like that.
catlover.....Hello and a great big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! I can remember the first post that I made on EC. I was desperate for help and I got the help that night that I so needed. I hope that we can help you in the same way that I received help. The most important thing to remember about Empty Closets is that we do care about you! We're very glad that you found us here on EC and hope that we can answer questions, give you support and provide a place to vent (as long as it's not violent!) when that becomes necessary! *****There are 18 different sub-forums here that you can check out and join in the conversations or start your own thread/conversation. When I first joined Empty Closets I was in need of a lot of support and encouragement and I found it here…EC is a safe place. I hope that you'll find good things here too! Folks here will talk to you and share...you don't have to be afraid of asking questions...we're glad to have you! Empty Closets is all about making connections and giving LGBT folks a voice when they otherwise don't have one in their day-to-day lives. In particular you may want to check out the forum that is titled "Sexual Orientation", there are people there who may have dealt with some of the same kind of issues that could be challenging you. There are very few people who are 100% straight or 100% gay. It's not unusual at all for people to have attractions to both and for those attractions to vary over time. It's just that most people aren't honest about it...especially with the pressure that society puts on us. Human sexuality is complicated and we often don't understand ourselves when our attractions shift back and forth...it just happens to some of us. Have you considered talking to a therapist? Finding a therapist that works with the LGBTQ community was one of the best decisions that I ever made. He helped me so much to understand myself. I had carried a real load of guilt and self-hate for years because I didn't fit in to societies' heteronormative standard and felt that I was "broken". When I came to understand that I wasn't broken and that I was just different than what society expected my life turned around completely. I didn't go out and have a gay orgy or anything like that...I was just able to accept myself and love who I really was. I'm married to a wonderful woman who accepts my sexuality and I have three grown sons and nine grandkids! I accepted my sexuality late in life and chose my family over having a boyfriend or hookups of any kind. Some info on how to navigate EC: When you have made at least 10 posts on various threads you will be able to post messages on a member's Profile Page. Just click on a member's Avatar Picture and then click on "Profile Page" in the dialogue box that pops up. You'll then be on their Profile Page and there will be a box that says: "Write Something" When you have been on EC for a few weeks and have made at least 50 posts on various forums, you can apply for Full Membership. A Full Member can send Private Messages (PM) to other Full Members and share personal contact info. Right now you can only send a PM to a Staff Member as that is always possible. Here is a quote from the Full Membership information forum: *****To be eligible you must be a member of Empty Closets for a minimum of two weeks, and have a minimum of 50 posts. These posts must be across numerous forums (Fun & Games does not contribute to post count), and consistently posted across a minimum of two weeks. You wouldn't be eligible, for example, if you registered, had no activity for two weeks, and then returned to post 50 times on your 14th day of membership. *****Well, as I said, we're very glad you found us! If you have any questions at all, you can always send me a Private Message. .....David
