This question tears me apart about 20 minutes of every freaking hour. I can't stop obsessing over it. What I want to know is whether I am STRAIGHT, BI, OR GAY. It's the only way. I feel like I'll hate myself for the rest of my life if I am but that's how the cards were laid and I just have to get over it. Around the time when I was 13, I started looking at men (pretty much every average-looking guy), and I'd get this tingling in my penis. I found out years down the road that it was a groinal response. Anyways guys never really turned me on except for once or twice where I got an erection and then got really nervous. I remember one time staring at my dad's butt in the hospital did it, and once two black guys kissing on the boondocks (a show). I worried about it constantly and constantly and constantly, until I finally said "I shouldn't define myself, it might go away." Surely enough it did. The groinal response and the attraction to men went away nearly completely. Mind you, I was never turned on by gay porn during this. During part of this phase I think I might have had a decreased attraction to females. For about three years I was confident I was straight again, though there were one or two slip ups, like me fearing if I was attracted to this anime character. (I might have been attracted, but not sexually.) Anyways, about two months ago I started thinking about how great it was to not have that phase anymore, and then I started thinking about what if I really did have it and I was actually bisexual. BOOM! All of the feelings came back, but really weak at first. Then I started thinking again it came back even stronger. Now I feel the groinals and the "attraction." let me make this clear to you, I am not sexually or romantically attracted to guys, but I think I might be aesthetically attracted to them. You see, I like guys that look similar to me, or what I would like to look like. Maybe some feminine guys too. I don't desire them sexually though. During this time I discovered an OCD place talking about a thing called HOCD where basically the person constantly thinks about being gay/bisexual despite never having attractions before or anything. They aren't really bi/gay but they keep telling themselves that they might be and can't help it. This sounds a lot like me, but I am not. Maybe I am bi, so it couldn't be OCD. I do constantly obsess over this and tend to look at pictures of guys to tell if I am attracted. I probably do this about 6 times a day. Okay, I have gotten full erections a few times from homosexual thoughts, and I was psychologically like two times. The one was about a bunch of us people with HOCD getting together and doing sexual acts. I didn't really visualize the sexual acts, I just got hard before I could get to them. The other time I got psychologically aroused was thinking of a guy grabbing my testicles and squeezing them (though I think it may me getting turned on because I have a kink for that with woman). This is a bit different but another time I was trying to get turned on by thinking about ******* a guy up the butt. It took awhile but I eventually did get an erection, but I don't remember any psychological arousal from it. On the other hand I can stare at gay porn and pictures of naked men and not get turned on at all. I do get a groinal response however. (That tingling down below.) I can get turned on from porn with ,even when I try not to get turned on. In addition, I know some people say that all guys can tell when other guys are attractive. This is different; I can tell when other guys are attractive, but those aren't the ones I feel like I am attracted to. Some ripped model guy with nice hair doesn't make me feel attracted to him, but a skinny guy with hair like mine and glasses might. I don't really have that with woman, when I think a woman is attractive, I am also attracted to her. Please tell me what you think my sexuality is, and then give me a rating from 1-10 in terms of it. 1 being straight, 5 being bi, 10 being gay. I hear a lot of people say nobody is completely straight or gay. One final thing, do you think I have OCD?
Don't really care anymore. I've decided life is too short to worry and to go with the flow. I don't need people on a forum to tell me my own sexuality, that's for me to figure out.
Ummm.... If you didn't want people to tell* you your sexuality, and you apparently don't "need" us, then why did you ask? If you are going through all this trouble, it may not be the greatest idea to try to figure it out all by yourself, and I'm not so sure that you "Don't really care anymore". Maybe a therapist, maybe a counsellor, but when you're all like "NO ONE ON A FORUM IS GONNA TELL ME, I DON'T NEED THEM" you obviously seem sour and proud. *We are not "telling" you what your sexuality is, we are merely responding to a plea for advice. You ask for our advice, and you said "Please tell me what you think my sexuality is," so naturally people are going to put in their input. There's no need to feel threatened or insulted by this, and we are not forcing our inputs on you.
This is a friendly place to organize your thoughts and get a consensus from a lot of people in similar situations. Nobody forced you to come here and listen to strangers lay down the law for your life, so I hope you don't see these replies as unwarranted. HOCD does sound like a distinct possibility. You've said multiple times you are not romantically or sexually interested in guys, which means bi is out. IMO, The occasional erection doesn't count. I'd personally call myself straight and stop worrying about it, which is what you seem to have done. In that case, congrats on problem solved? :S
