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AHHH Why is this so hard?!?!?!?!?!?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by malachite, Apr 25, 2009.

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  1. malachite

    malachite
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    It's a floating night we meet whenever everyone is free that week.
    Oh, and I've made a character before, it was a riot, a good one.
     
    #21 malachite, May 13, 2009
  2. GoBabyGoGo

    GoBabyGoGo
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    i even went to the fking mardi gras with my best friend and STILL failed to come out to him. So dont feel at all bad. I missed so many golden opportunities and got really angry with myself and ended up coming out to him really clumsily on instant messager.

    he took it amazingly well, and we've talked about it a few times face to face since. so it didnt really matter *how* i came out, but its just great to be out!! perhaps you could try 'hinting" your friends to bring up a subject that makes you feel more comfortable about saying it, rather than it seeming random.

    im in a similar situation coming out to the rest of my friends. im hoping that i have the courage to do it this weekend when we are having a bit of a get together and a few drinks, which *might* help. i doubt they'll bring up reletionships/sexuality tho... its definatly scary
     
    #22 GoBabyGoGo, May 15, 2009
  3. malachite

    malachite
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    I've been salt and peppering hints into my casual conversations, so hopfully when I do get the nerve, you'll have gotten the hint.
     
    #23 malachite, May 15, 2009
  4. Aero

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    Obviously you're ready to tell them, and you've probably been ready every time you've met up with them, but depending on the mood and conversation, it's been hard to bring it up. it's not exactly the easiest small talk topic, right?

    I think it might help to set the tone before you even meet. Try picking the friend you are closest to of the group (or the one you think would be the easiest to come out to), and call them up or send an email, whatever you're more comfortable with...

    Tell them that you have something important you need to tell them (if you've been giving hints, it might click in their head before you even meet to talk)...

    Alternately, you could say you have something you want to run by them for their advice,
    or that you have something that's bothering you that you want to get it off your chest.

    However you do it, if you set the tone for the conversation before you meet, at least you will have jump started the focus. The conversation will be about you, instead of you having to steer it nervously, hoping for the right moment to strike.

    anyway, ask them to go for coffee or something..

    Before you meet your friend knows that you have something to tell him/her.

    Your friend will prob ask something like "so what is it that you wanted to talk about?"... sure it will put you on the spot, but in my opinion getting the right moment to say it doesn't come easy.

    Then just take it from there. Tell them something is stressing you out. When you get to the part where you say it, go with what is comfortable and easy... if it's hard to say "I'm gay", then work around it... like "you know how that guy steve is gay..." (before the follow up they've put two and two together).

    If this method won't work for you, hopefully it at least gives you some ideas.

    Good Luck :thumbsup:
     
    #24 Aero, May 15, 2009
  5. Chip

    Chip
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    If you're still having trouble coming right out and saying you're gay, you could hint even more blatantly, or do something slightly stereotypically gay, and then make a point of drawing attention to it, or perhaps something like bring up the pirate captain in the movie Stardust or some other fun but surprising gay character from the movies or pop culture that your friends would recognize.

    Or you could bring up obscure references, ask if anyone knows what a poofter is, or a Friend of Dorothy, or what the phrase "Light in the Loafers" means... make it light and fun and bring it up that way.

    All else fails, buy or make a shirt that says "I'm not gay but my boyfriend is" and wear it :slight_smile:

    Sometimes being subtle and then building on that can make it easier, and will allow the other person to at least get the hint that something is up.

    But as everyone else has said, don't stress about it, it will come about when you're ready :slight_smile:
     
    #25 Chip, May 16, 2009
  6. malachite

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    Thanks for the advice. I really appreciate it.

    :grin:
     
    #26 malachite, May 17, 2009
  7. malachite

    malachite
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    I did it! I came out to one of my friends tonight, not one from the game group, but hey its a start.
     
    #27 malachite, May 19, 2009
  8. Mirko

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    Congratulations! :slight_smile: Yep, it's definitely a start. Way to go!! Hopefully it will give you some courage for further coming outs. Maybe use the same strategy for further coming outs! Congrats!
     
    #28 Mirko, May 19, 2009
  9. xequar

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    Bravo!
     
    #29 xequar, May 20, 2009
  10. Jennn

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    Try dropping it in subtly. You don't want to have to face them all and say 'I'm gay'. There are easier ways of doing it. They might be talking about people they're interested in.. I dunno, famous people/people at school they think are hot, at which point you can leap in and mention a some male celebrity you find attractive. Works the same if you're watching a film.. or TV or something.
    Also, I found coming out via the internet the easiest way of doing it. Do you have Facebook? Switch your interests to men.
    It's really hard to take the first step, but once you've started it gets far easier.
     
    #30 Jennn, May 20, 2009
  11. warrior

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    Firstly congrats!! But I'm curious to know what happened? He/she accpted you, right?:kiss:
     
    #31 warrior, May 20, 2009
  12. malachite

    malachite
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    Oh yeah, the first thing said when I told was, "ok" in a calm and cool voice like it was nothing. I guess I told her first becuase I thought maybe she may have suspected already, but she was totally cool with it. In fact she just called and asked how I was doing and if I told anyone else yet. she says, "I guess I have to start looking for some hot guys to hook you up with then."
    Funny thing though, after I told her I felt exhausted like I'd just run a marathon
     
    #32 malachite, May 23, 2009
    Last edited: May 23, 2009
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