Hey there fellow ECers, I don't think I've ever done a new thread befoe, but I'm kind of going through something not-very-nice right now, I hope you can help me, so here it goes: I was dating this extremely cute guy who is 24 years old, I'm 17. Everything was running smooth, sex was great (he even told me so.), we were emotionally and intellectually involved, we could discuss for hours about matters we were both into (literature, favorite wirters, writing, theater, architecture, etc.). We did interesting things, we never got bored or anything, or at least that's the feeling I had! It was going all perfectly and I'm used to dating older guys, so the age gap wasn't that significant... and one day out of the blue he comes up to me and says all cocky: We can't date anymore because "he who sleeps with children wakes up wet." Like saying: "You're a stupid little boy and I don't like you because you're childish and boring and childish" I just thought like "what the heck?" and I told him I was cool with it and everything but I'm actually not cool with it and I don't get it and I'm in shock. SO, what do you think the problem could be? Do you really think age means something when it comes to a relationship? Should I talk to him and tell him I'm not cool and that I don't understand where this came from? Or should I just smile because nobody cares how I feel and drift away like a lady? (Which I don't normally do, I'm usually very up-front and talk things over) help help help. please help me get over this. grroar.
>>>SO, what do you think the problem could be? The problem is - he no longer wants anything to do with you. Wny? No idea. Maybe he decided he didn't like the age gap. Maybe he found somebody else that struck his fancy. Maybe he just decided he didn't like dating you anymore. But whatever his mindset, he decided he was going to call it off. And he decided to do it by stating you're too young for him. For which there's no answer - if he thinks you are, you are. The reason people tend to warn younger folk away from large-age-gap relationships isn't because we think it won't be fun while it lasts, but because they rarely seem to last. Some last a night, some last weeks or a few months. But it seems the great majority seem to fall apart quicker. There's nothing inherently wrong with short-term relationships, even, but it seems very common for the younger person to think that it's "more than it is". They think it's something for the long haul, but then it's cut short "out of the blue". What to do? Not much. Start grieving if you have to. Kick the walls, punch the pillows, cry, scream, and listen to bad music. Eventually, you'll start seeing your way through it. Lex
Thanks Lex, what you say makes sense. I also considered that possibility, but I'm too proud to admit to myself that maybe he found the whole thing unattractive in the end, oh sweet denial! I guess it's time for me to admit that guys can like me as well as dislike me, and that's that. Ah, well. Also, what I've noticed is that older guys are afraid to date my kind because it's illegal, because I'm underage, do you think that could be a determining factor? Like, they being afraid I might put them in jail or something? It's silly, I wouldn't do that, but still... could that be a reason? It's not the frist time something like this happens to me, but this time it struck me more, it was almost 4 months already we were seeing each other.
Honestly, from look at what you've told us sounds like you got played. You'll probably never know why he lost interest. Maybe someone else caught his eye or maybe he decided he was done with you. Don't look at what he's done as a judgement on you. He's the guy who dumped an intellegent, loyal person. I said give yourself time to heal and move on
It could be that he got spooked. And yeah, you might say "I'd never turn him in". But then again, you thought he'd never dump you in such a way, either. People can do some unexpected things. Any chance you can date someone a bit closer to your age? Then at least you wouldn't have to deal with this sort of issue... Lex
Lex: I could do that, yet again, I like older guys. Guys my age bore me to death. And you're right, sheez happens. Malachite: Thanks bud, I've been played before, I'll get through this one just as fine. Thanks
>>>Lex: I could do that, yet again, I like older guys. Guys my age bore me to death And you don't seem to be doing too much to keep the older guys entertained. Maybe you should give the younger ones more of a chance. One might just surprise you. Lex
You could be right, but it's not the same, I tried dating someone my age one time, he was mature and artsy and stuff, and he was very interesting indeed, but I felt like that je ne sais quoi was missing... I had to finish it. But you're right, I shouldn't look for a certain profile when it comes to dating, life might just suprise me, out of the blue.
If someone treats you like that, you're better off without them. I've never been in a relationship, but I've both slept with and gone on dates with a good number of older guys (up to about 30, when I've been 19/20.) I've felt taken advantage of a number of times with it - like, the guy I first had good sex with told me he was going to call me back, but didn't, as did the first one. I feel like I'm not taken as seriously due to the age gap; keep the effects of it in mind, even though there are lots of great things about seeing older, more experienced men.
>>>You could be right, but it's not the same, I tried dating someone my age one time, he was mature and artsy and stuff, and he was very interesting indeed, but I felt like that je ne sais quoi was missing... I had to finish it. You tried one person your age, and it didn't work out - so you wrote off people your age. How many older guys are you going to try before you write THEM off? Yes, definitely, play it by ear. Let each person interact with you individually. Lex
Oh that is a resounding yes, but not the only factor. Except in rare circumstances I won't date date someone under 25. Why, because we are at different places in our life. Put simply at your age you are discovering the world. At 30 I have discovered I have a favourite chair.