Age gap/sexual relationship

No, ECCS, the nonprofit that runs EC, places a high value on scholarly research and current thinking among professionals. We believe it's important differentiate between factual information, based on current collective thinking among professionals on the one hand... and somebody's opinion, based on their own experiences, on the other.

Again, opinions are one thing; everyone has one. But when we're communicating to a vulnerable population, it's important that we differentiate between factual information and opinion. And, as Bill Nye has said, it's hard to justify continuing to hold an opinion that's contradicted by factual information, unless one simply wants to remain willfully ignorant. This isn't about "vision"; it's about disseminating factual information so that people can make their own decisions based on facts rather than unsupported opinon.

Provided that people have the factual information to evaluate their choices, it is absolutely their choice what relationships they enter. But those decisions should be informed by fact, not unsupported opinion.

Sure, and for that matter, the issues that arise in age gap relationships can occur in age-concordant relationships. But from what we know, these problems are present an overwhelming percent of the time with age-gap relationships, and a much smaller portion of age-concordant relationships.

 

Firstly, people need to get a hold of their temper and discuss things in a civil manner. Whilst I appreciate there are passionate differences of opinion, this is still ultimately somebody's support thread and shouldn't be hijacked by petty squabbling and sarcastic remarks.

To be fair, it's not necessarily a contradiction. There are always going to be outliers within sociological research, and they can be acknowledged without fundamentally undermining the point being expressed. The issue isn't that all age-gap relationships never work because of reasons x, y and z. It's that, on average, age-gap relationships face considerable challenges not typically experienced by age-aligned relationships. Therefore, these challenges manifest themselves in a range of ways, often by causing a deterioration within the relationship and its dissolution. Not everybody may experience or succumb to it, but the odds are stacked against them for reasons beyond their control.

Let's say, for arguments sake, every 2 out of 50 age-gap relationships are perfectly healthy, last long-term and they live happily ever after. That's fantastic, but the problem with the 'age is just a number' mantra is that it disproportionately relies on the factor of 2, whilst dismissing the number of 48. This doesn't just apply to age-gap relationships, because we could say the same about relationships involving two young people. If you have 50 relationships who start dating during high school and only 2 end up lasting long-term, it wouldn't be factually accurate to state to somebody that they should go for it and start dating at a young age because they'll end up finding the love of their life. Fortunately, most young people know that it's unlikely their relationships aren't going to be forever at that age, so it's not really a narrative that needs pushing much, but the premise is still the same. It *is not* about telling people what they should or should not do, but merely informing them to take factors into account so that they make an informed decision. Again, to use the high school scenario, I wouldn't inform somebody that they can expect to find 'the one' based on the first person they date in high school. For a whole variety of reasons, the odds are stacked against them and it takes outliers for this to be the case (my parents even being one of those outliers). However, merely telling them to take that into account before they pursue a relationship under these expectations isn't oppressive. It's just offering them a perspective they need to consider. In the same respect, telling people that they're likely going to face considerable challenges that they wouldn't be exposed to in age-aligned relationships also isn't oppressive. You're not seeking to stop them, but merely making sure they have the right information to make that informed decision. The 'age is just a number' mantra, whilst sincere in wanting to help, disproportionately elevates the token examples (e.g. the outliers), and allows everybody to think they're going to be in that small minority who it does ultimately work out for. Even in those cases when it does work out, it is still typically observed in later ages of adulthood, rather than teen/adult overlaps.

If we look at why that is, you don't even really need to look at gazillions of studies on age-gap relationships to outline why. Instead, you only really need to understand life-stage development and the life-course model. It is true that, based on numbers, 19 and 24 are fairly near to each other. However, in terms of life-stage development, they're both in completely different groups. It's the same as how 3 and 5, or 11 and 16, are near each other as numbers, but represent radically different stages of our life. Within life-stage development, we are looking at an individual who is in the latter stages of teenhood/adolescence, and another who has settled into adulthood. If you then apply the life-course model, you can map out the imbalances that a relationship would typically be exposed to - all of which contribute to the overall power dynamics of a relationship. For example, a 19 year old will typically be in early stages of employment (likely minimum wage) or may even still be in full-time education and thus not earning, whereas a 24 year old will either have had considerable time for career progression, or will have completed university education (and even postgrad) and thus potentially be in a graduate career/profession. Right there is a big economic discrepancy. I'm the same age as my partner, and even we have had to adjust to evolving power dynamics within our wages, due to him being in full-time employment and me being on a rather tight bursary budget at university. As you map out the varying eco-systems that make up an individuals life course development, you can outline the challenges that individuals face. As a result, age-gap relationships are disproportionately exposed to this, simply because the dis-alignment in mutual progression and experience has the high likelihood of causing blips all over the place. It's certainly not universal, but we then get back to that argument of everybody liking to think they'll be that small percent who breaks the odds. Those who are the outliers tend to be at later stages of life-stage development, which is when the age-groups start to widen anyway. Unfortunately, when a perspective essentially comes down to 'go for it - you might be the exception' then we're not really giving the whole picture. Sure, we shouldn't be telling people what not to do, but we should damn well be sure that they're as informed as they can be when deciding it.