age difference

I see that you are 16. As a minor, you are under the age of consent. If he is over 18 and you have a sexual relationship, he can be charged with statutory rape.

 

There is an assumption in today's society, particularly in education, that age is the most important thing that we have in common.

But while age certainly isn't the most important thing that we have common, I wouldn't go as far as to say "it's just a number" either.

For a good chunk of people, this is quite true. In a lot of cases, someone two years into college will be much more emotionally mature than someone in high school. This is probably mostly true for people in their teens and early twenties, because it diminishes greatly after that.

But, in a sizeable chunk of cases, it's very possible that someone three or four years younger or older than you can have the emotional maturity necessary to have a good relationship.

And while there is definitely a strong correlation between the number of years you've spent on this planet and the level of emotional maturity that you have, it is certainly not the only contributing factor. There are so many other compounding factors: I know fifteen and sixteen year olds who have had so much more life experiences that make them more emotionally mature than most college students I know.

Some of the best conversations I've had in a long time were with someone three years behind me in school. He just had that level of maturity. And there are definitely other people in his year who are the same. But sure, the vast majority of them aren't mature enough. And I've still got the biggest crush on a guy two years behind me, who is absolutely amazing. He's probably more emotionally in-tune than I am. And then at the same time, there are a pile of immature idiots who make fart noises in my own year (and definitely in the year who just left last year!).

So is age irrelevant? No. But looking at age is the wrong way to go about it. You need to look at your own maturity levels. Sure, as I said, a lot of that does come with age, but maturity doesn't only come with age.

I think the fact that you're coming on here and even asking this question shows that you do have a good level of emotional maturity.

I would definitely meet up with the guy and see how you get on. If you're uncomfortable: don't pursue it. But you could be taken by surprise and it could go really well.

 

Josh, if I were in your shoes, the other person being into me would not be a good enough reason to give it up for them. If when you have a job and options you find out that just hooking up and trying people on for size is your bag, that's your business. Otherwise, this is a dangerous situation.

At 22 and not living with your parents, you have options you don't have at 16 with parents. If you go through with this, he will be in a position of power over you. That's why states have laws. It has nothing to do with people being magically more mature when they pass a certain number. People are simply able to work and be independent once they're older than a certain number. And once you are no longer dependent on anyone but you, the way you think and act changes. I'm worried he could take advantage of you and you could get hurt.

I know how I sound, but you've had some well thought out arguments in favor of dating this man, and I need to go against that if I want you to consider not dating him. This is your choice. Please go into it with a clear head knowing what you are getting into if you go for it at all. I obviously wouldn't.