I will try my best to keep this short. My wonderful now ex-girlfriend and I were together for a little over a year before I broke up with her on October 19th. It was my first relationship and my parents being homophobes made it really hard but it was worth it; every day I spent with her as my gf made me feel like I'd won the lottery. Even when we fought, I was 1000% sure she was the only girl for me.That is until recently, when she told me she was unsure about what she wanted and that she was curious to see where things might go with her best friend. She asked me if we could be friends while she tried to figure out what she wanted. Thinking that I would do anything for her, and that I could handle it, I agreed. Needless to say, I couldn't handle it. I called her on the 19th and didn't even give her a chance to speak; I told her that she was free to figure out what she wanted and to find happiness, but that I wanted to be her lover and not just her friend. She called me back immediately after but I didn't respond because I knew I'd break down if I did. She texted me multiple times and told me she was "done." We met up so that she could get her stuff back. I'd planned to try and convince her to give us another shot but realized that since I truly love her I have to let her go. I spent the weekend in bed alternating between crying and self medicating. That Sunday, which happens to be my deceased older brother's birthday, we were texting and she told me that she and her best friend had spent the weekend together and were official. We haven't contacted each other since. I realize now that I was such an asshole to her; I kept telling her that her best friend needed to treat her better (she does, because she treats my ex like shit; I have it on record) instead of supporting her. Regardless of how I felt I should've supported her. I thought tough love might help her to see that her friend was using her, but it didn't. I'm so, so lost without her. It's just as painful as losing my brother was. And for those who will say there are others, for those who will say that it was only intense because she was my first gf: yes, there are others. But no one else has every part of me. I don't care that she broke my heart. If she walked into my room right now I'd take her back. Not without thought, but I'd definitely take her back. I love her no matter what, and I know that I can make her happy again. Should I contact her? Should I try to move on? I already lost someone so dear to my heart; I'll never get him back. I don't want to make the same mistake with her.:help::help::help::help::help::help::help::help::help::help::help::help::help::help:
