Alright so let's get to it. I was born female, and growing up was very tomboyish. I played with toy cars my father bought me, and with barbies, and action figures, and video games [a lot]. I never really cared what was for who if it was fun. In high school I had a bad relationship with a boy [we would but heads about everything] and met a girl who was kind and wanted to date me. Figuring from my personality, I gave it a shot. To save time, I'll just say while I was attracted to women for a long time and identified my masculinity as "being a lesbian" or "being the guy", things did change. I met a man in college who I had an instant connection with and became best friends with. This relationship was supportive and strong, and I grew feelings for him. I began to date him despite a lack of sexual interest in men. Over time, love sort of conquered and we are still together in a strong, and yes, emotional and sexual relationship. So here is my beef. As I've learned about myself, I've noticed some things. I hate make-up, dresses, fancy shoes, anything overly girly. My hair is usually short, and t-shirts are my choice of clothing. However, when I speak with FTM friends, they always explain having always felt like a boy. But I never have "felt like a boy" and I just can't force myself to believe I was meant to be male. While I don't feel female, I also don't feel very male. I have moments of "testosterone" as my cismale boyfriend calls them. This being when I get pissed, defensive, etc. and lash out a bit. But In contrast, when I'm laying in bed next to him, i feel like curling against him, and I feel almost pretty. I've looked around online for some time, and found the term "Pangender." I guess what I'd like is some feedback, maybe someone from the community to shed some light or advice out for me. My boyfriend is incredibly supportive and while he may not understand entirely, he tries. He'll call me his "Handsome boyfriend" sometimes, despite him identifying as straight. He accepts whatever I am. So I'm not worried about people calling me any particular pronouns "sir, ma'm" "he, she" I'll accept anything if it's polite. I apologize for this ramble. Any questions just ask, I'm not about to be shy.
