Accidentally read my 13 y/o journal - she thinks she's gay...how do I talk with her?

Re: Accidentally read my 13 y/o journal - she thinks she's gay...how do I talk with h

Just gotta say, your are one FANTASTIC mother. It's amazing how carefully you're approaching this situation. Kudos to you for being so accepting! Your daughter is only lucky girl.

 

Re: Accidentally read my 13 y/o journal - she thinks she's gay...how do I talk with h

as almost everyone before me has said, you're handling this fantastically! seriously, i haven't seen any LGBT situation handled better than this one. you sound like an awesome parent, keep it up!

again, as many other people have said, don't rush it. often times coming out when you're 15 or under, or sometimes even under 18, its difficult because people will tell you you're too young to know (which is some serious bs). so the terror of coming out sometimes doubles, or triples, with that.

if she knows she has Lesbian aunts, it might be easier to figure things out. i have two lesbian cousins, so i can kind of gauge the reaction of other family members on their acceptance level of my two cousins, if that makes sense.

and i'm going to add on to the age thing- at 13 its all that more confusing. mostly because you don't have as much experience to rely on, but, that isn't necessarily needed. i knew i wasn't straight when i was 12, and labeled myself bi the same year. (i'm 13 now, and recently discovered that i'm not bi, and just plain gay, so i can definitely relate to a young teen just trying to figure their sexuality out) so, if she does come out to you, let her know that its okay to know that young. like i said before, there are probably going to be people who tell her she's too young to know, but having that kind of support from her mom will help.

 

Re: Accidentally read my 13 y/o journal - she thinks she's gay...how do I talk with h

Hello,

I think you're doing good. Reading the journal may have been a problem when it comes to her trust, but I think as long as you don't bring it up and hint about her sexuality in other (supportive of course!) there was no harm done.

Good parenting there. That's exactly what you want to do; especially since you're promoting positive things about the LGBT community and relationships. This will really help her development.

Alright this one I'm going to pick apart a tiny bit, if you don't mind (I'm not yelling at you or disagreeing, just offering my input here).
I do think you're on the right track, but I disagree that being a gay girl means you suffer less 'scrutiny'. I do think you're right in that straight girls can show affection and It's more acceptable than straight guys doing it (which is seen as gay), but I think when the two girls are obviously a lesbian couple it becomes more risky and even dangerous (The vast majority of straight men think lesbians are sex objects, so when lesbians get all 'affectionate' around them, they can be victims of sexual harassment, and at worst- sexual assault). Affection might work for her now if she's not out, but the moment people know she and the girl she's with are lesbians, it could bring a lot of risks to the table.

I do get the sentiment behind making her feel better though, I really do! Don't get me wrong! But I think instead of trying to make her believe that she'll have an easier time being gay than a guy would (Which is sadly a misconception), there should be some discussion about the discrimination and risks that lesbians face (some being unique to us). That way if she's ever a victim of lesbian-misogyny (which is very common), she will have someone to go to and feel validated by. Being a gay man or a lesbian is equally as hard and we are equally hurt and discriminated against, the forms of it are just different.

Otherwise, I think you've been doing GREAT so far with accepting her, since she will have a long hard road ahead of her and I think it would help her to know some of these 'risks'.

So that's my advice. Hopefully it didn't come off as too harsh or anything (I'm just speaking from experience haha), because I think you're a great mom for accepting her this far. I just know that being a lesbian is a hard and painful thing sometimes, and sometimes you feel lost, but knowing someone validates you helps a LOT.

 

Re: Accidentally read my 13 y/o journal - she thinks she's gay...how do I talk with h

Try casually bringing up support for gay marriage or things like that, and eventually when she's ready she'll come to you. Nobody wants to be outed.