So I saw this video on Youtube, it was posted by someone I am subscribed too. Some of you may know what I am talking about. This youtuber tells us how she was in a abusive relationship with someone and how she got out of it. There are two videos for the three part series. Well as I was listening I noticed something... All of the traits that she was talking about, happened to me while I was dating someone. Actually let me put it in better words, it happened to me twice, both different people, but similar actions. And I figured, that to get closure, telling my story will give me it. Well, here we go... The first time it happened I was in 7th grade. I was talking to a guy that I met through a Chat App. We hit it off pretty well. I'll call him Cam. He lived in California, and was 16 while I was 13. Turning 14 later that year. Well me and Cam started talking, we emailed, video chatted, and texted. At first it was pretty great, me and him got along. But I didn't realize that he was grooming me. He would send me praises, be there for me. He said that he understood me and that he knew me better than anyone else. I was 13, I didn't know what grooming was. I didn't see the red flags at first, but sadly it doesn't end there. The more me and him talked, the more he would ask of me. Now keep in mind, he lived in California, I live in Illinois There is a two hour time difference. Cam wanted me to stay awake on the phone with him. If I fell asleep he would threaten self-harm and suicide. He would tell me that I was " the light of his life", I was his "soulmate", that I was his girlfriend. I didn't mind at first, I thought he was cool and cute. But the more it went on the worse it got. Next he tried to text me while I was at school, he wanted me to drop school work for him. That caused a drop in my grades, I went from having A's and B's, to C's and D's. I told him that I needed to focus on school, but he would refuse to listen to me. I had no freedoms, no choice. Eventually he would try and ask me to send suggestive pictures, not full nudes. But he would try and get me to send pictures of my in my tank top, he would try to get me to send pictures of me in my towel after a shower. And when I didn't do it, he would tell me that he would kill himself. That I apparently didn't love him. He would make it seem as if I was doing something wrong, he would say that if he did kill himself, it would be all my fault. So I did it... I sent him the pictures, and I felt disgusting and horrible. But he didn't care, he was happy, he was getting what he wanted. The longer this went on, the more risky things he would want me to do for him. He would force me into sending nudes while in public restrooms, he would make me have phone sex with him whenever he please. And if I tried to say no, well he would threaten to hurt himself, and stopped texting me. So I learned to not question it. This went on for months, until my parents found out. When me and him first started talking he begged me to not tell my parents. He said that they would force me to stop talking to him, so I didn't tell them. But when they found out, they helped me. They honestly were gods in my eyes that day. They threaten to call the police, and that is how he left my life. They were sorta disappointed that I didn't go to them, but weren't mad. I have never talked to Cam since, and refuse to ever talk to him or contact him. The second time it happened was the following school year. In 8th grade, and a bit of my current school year, I am now a freshman in highschool. With my best friend, I'll call him by his middle name; Michael. Me and him met in the 6th grade and became rather close in middle school. Well me and him started dating at the start of 8th grade. It started off okay I guess, he as sweet and caring. But then he changed, slowly at first. But one day at one o'clock in the morning he ran over to my house and basically forced me to let him in. It was 20 degrees outside, so I did. He was in my room, and although he didn't do the worse he could've done. He forced to me makeout with him. I tried to push him off, but he was so much stronger than me, I just couldn't do it. Well eventually he would pull me into parts of out school and force me to make out with him, he stole my first kiss. And I hate it, cause it was supposed to be special. But instead it was tainted by the fact that it was forced. In February of 2018, at the age of 14 I lost my virginity to Michael. Michael convinced me to go back to his house, he said that he wanted to hang out. The same day I had auditions for the school musical, but I didn't have to be there till 5:30. So I went, and at first it was okay. Cause his little sister was there, and I thought that he wouldn't try to do anything with his little sister home, so I thought that I was safe from anything bad happening. I was wrong. He brought me into his room, and he told me to sit on his bed. I didn't question it. I had learned to do things that I was told from my relationship with Cam. He came and sat on the bed and we started to make out. I wasn't fully comfortable but I didn't fight it. Michael was strong enough to fight off three guys. He could beat me if he wanted too. l knew that fighting back was going to do nothing. He moved really fast, and it was alarming. So I tried to slow it down, but he didn't. It was like he didn't care that I was human. You know? Can you force someone to consent into sex? Cause when he was about to... when he was about to start. He asked me if I loved him, I said yes. He said that if I loved him, then as his girlfriend it was my job to do this with him. So I said okay. And we did it. It hurt for a few minutes, but he convinced me that it was love. That we were making love, it felt okay I guess. After it was over, we laid there for about 10 minutes in silence. I saw the time, and got ready to leave, but before I idd he try to get me to stay. But I told him that I needed to go cause my mom wanted to see my audition. That was the way he let me leave. But then he told everyone, and I mean everyone. The next day I walked into school and everyone was asking me about it. Some people felt bad, others didn't care, some people called me a whore, slut, whatever bad name you could think of. I couldn't do anything about it, my (ex) best friend at the time liked him. She never told me, and she started spreading rumors about me. Saying that I had sex with him more then once. Saying that I had sex with guys I didn't even talk too. Well, Michael had heard those rumors, and thought I was cheating. He threatened me, hurt himself, and the next day at school he took my phone. He wanted all my passwords, and said that he wouldn't my phone back till I told him. I didn't have a choice, I was to scared to tell the school, tell my parents, tell my friends. I went through all of that abuse alone. Thankfully, my parents found out about him. And called his parents, they didn't know about the abuse. But they didn't want me dating him. So they made me switch classes and told me to stop speaking to him. I was thankful, but heart broken. Cause at the time, I thought we were in love, I didn't know that it was abuse at the time. Not until I talked about it with my friends, they pointed it out. I told my story because it gave me the closure that I needed. It let me reach out, and tell people they are not alone. You are not alone, there is always a way out. You are more than what you abuser can make you feel. You are more than just a victim, you are a survivor, you are a warrior, you can be brave. Thank you for reading my story. Thanks for understanding. -A
