a few things I have been curious about

Im new here but I need some advice / insight into some issues I have been having.

Ill try to keep this simple as possible. Im 30 , never been in a relationship. I have never had any affection at all. Be it cuddling , kissing or sex. Not to say I dont want these things because I do. Im a human being with emotions and needs to. As a matter of fact I think I would be very affectionate if only someone would give me a chance.

Some background , childhood abuse , depression , symptoms of Ptsd and some social anxiety . Now my twenties was spent dealing with this myself. I have never been to therapy due to anxiety . And i learned to handle and deal with it. With surprising success. I studied selfhelp and tried bettering myself. and plan on getting some therapy at a free lgbt program I was introduced at a Aclu event.

Heres the problems. Whenever I find someone Im interested in dating the conversation.eventually ends up on when i had my last gf or about sex. Starting what could lead to a relationship on a lie seems a bad choice. So i just say i dont have alot of experience. And then they want to know how much so i end up telling them.

Here is where it begins / ends everytime. They either A. Want nothing further to do with me and cut all ties. B: take me off the potential gf list and just keep me around a short while to txt. Or C: judge me and create in their own head who i am and what im about instead of actually talking about it with me. Like im afraid.of.all forms of affection and sex. I dont like or want said affection or sex or im just scared to death of everything.

Seriously wtf. This is the theme of all my romantic attempts. Its.not hard to understand if.you listen. I couldnt date in my teens and twenties due to dealing with past trauma. Now im in a better place and more stable i deal with this new problem. Nobody will give me a chance. The way one talked i was a dreamboat. Sweet , caring , thoughtful and cute. Second she found out I was a virgin. Off the gf list i came and she was gone.

People just toss me away. Im very loving and loyal. Is it so bad im inexperienced due to things i had no control over? When asked once how i feel..i said lonely and hollow sometimes because well...i havebeen alone a hell of a longtime. I have so much love to share. I was told my being hollow was unattractive and to just be happy. Wtf kinda answer is that. I have a life i work hard and have goals. I just want someone to share.myself with.

What do i do?

"Oh and sorry if periods are sprinkled everywhere im on a cell and.its not getting along with the site lol "