Last year I was at a professional conference featuring a non-binary keynote speaker. At one point, they commented on our field being one of growing acceptance and diversity, but still dominated by straight, white, cisgender males. I'm fairly sure I imagined this, but all the same, I imagined that they looked directly at me while saying this. Obviously I can't hold it against this speaker (who was brilliant, by the by) for failing to be privy to my most deeply held secrets, but I felt wrongly categorized all the same. I reflect on this from time to time, and I wonder, how can we know if someone is truly who or what they present to the world? Straight, white, cisgender male is a perfectly reasonable assessment to make about me based on commonly held stereotypes of what those categories of person are supposed to look like. But that's the persona I present because I have to, not because it's who I am. How many times do we unknowingly encounter someone who is presenting as something entirely other than who they really are? That typical straight white guy actually a closeted transgender woman? Is your mild mannered dental hygienist really the frontwoman of a hardcore band that never formed? Who here hasn't met a dog that worked better as a cat, or a cat that functioned like a dog? Or a an iguana? Or an ambulatory pillow? What I'm getting at is that there is an entire domain of my identity that I deliberatley keep mothballed, dormant. If I can keep a domain as vital to my sense of self as my gender in a dormant state, how is it not likely that other people reguarly keep less vital domains of self in similarly dormant states?
Life is mysterious like that isn't it? I never saw this world, when I was a child. Only as an adult lgbtqia+ topics popped up more and more. I was quite blind to it, possibly because of the denial as well. All this time I played my part as a cis straight woman, because this is what society expected me to act like. This is why education about it all is so important. To make us more visible and us be able to present ourselves as we wish. we can't know, unless they communicate it to others. Sometimes it's obvious by looking, but often it's not, which is why it's always important to be polite and ask how someone presents or use gender neutral terms, what I like to do. I used to think that it was rude, asking someone, if they're a woman or man. Now though as the world is rapidly changing my thought process is changing too, because it's no longer an obvious answer. There are so many different identities and ways to express ourselves. I think the world becomes more and more opened up about it.
You wrote, “how can we know if someone is truly who or what they present to the world?” Like Ragland said, we can’t. The world is a crazy place full of fear, ignorance, and frankly prejudice beyond belief. ‘Different’ scares people who have a limited view of life and throws them off balance. I spent most of my life (74 yo) hidden inside me because I was so afraid. Due to brain surgery last summer all that changed and the genie can’t put it back in the bottle again. So I can now join a world that’s so much bigger and brighter than anything I’ve ever known. I am so grateful. Wishing you the same.
Interesting that all the conversations I’ve participated in today have really been helpful in terms of realizing how afraid I am still. I have been making all kinds of excuses for not put on git outs there for everyone. I know I’m need to take it slow and do my due diligence, but damn I’m so afraid and confused about where to go next.
The only way to get there is by start taking those steps. Where do you want to get to? I have done some things and have never regretted anything. Like Popeye I am who I am.
