So before I start, I'd like to say that this is slightly off topic from coming out, but is an extremely important and perilous subject that has been going on in my household for years now. And I'm at a loss on what should be done, and I cant allow him to continue his attacks on my family and I. He has completely lost touch of reality and I need to hear your insight on what you think should be done! Also, most of this will be history and more information so you can understand the absurdity of this dilemna and if theres anything else you're curious about, please ask. I have an older brother (I'll call him E), hes 23 now and just graduated from Ohio State. After graduation, my brother(E) had moved back home into our family of 7. That's 2 parents, 4 brothers, and a sister. For the most part, the rest of our family has gotten along very well minus the older brother since hes been at college for 6 years. My parents are very traditional and raised us to believe that family is the most important thing. And so, I have grown a close bond to my other 2 brothers and my sister. Our beliefs were pushed when E came back home. As a child, E was always quiet but had a quick, irrational temper. I say irrational because the words he would say to support his anger were non-sensicle, almost comedic. And he would get so deeply infuriated that he would lash insults at everyone and anyone around in within our family. Now, as a 23 year old adult, his judgement and reasoning skills have become deeply, deeply impaired. Hes lost all ability to carry a conversation effectively, he insults and berates everyone in our family without warning or based on some distant chore in the past we didn't do. And by insults, I mean he calls us retarded, stupid, pathetic, worthless, ugly, waste of lives, losers, idiots, and all forms of insults. But he does so in a childish, almost sad matter. And heres the really strange thing, his reason for being so angry stems from things as miniscule as someone "forgetting to mow the lawn 10 years ago" or "forgetting to do the dish washing chore". His insults and attacks are so completely over the top and unneccesary. Now, as an adult of 21 myself, I can handle his childish insults and his illogical responses. But I have 3 younger siblings, all of whom are being emotionally damaged from his assaults and attacks. For example, even my baby brother who is 10 has been getting attacked by E and hurt by E in ways no child should ever be treated. E has called my baby brother worthless, pathetic, and stupid/idiot/retarded daily ALL SOLELY BECAUSE my baby brother plays video games ocassionally. The damage he is doing to my baby brother is unforgivable. For my other brother, (ill call him D), who is 18 and in college, E treats him worse. Luckily D is in college right now and doesn't have to take his crap at home, but E will call D a thief, liar, he would threaten to call the police on D (for hiding his hat once), he has called D a sodomist (since D is gay and E hates gays), disgusting, stupid, a failure that will just fail college and fail life, and among other things. I myself have come out of the closet but haven't told E solely because of his complete hatred towards gays (Which is completely unfounded) To make matters worse, my parents are split in their thinking. My dad doesn't believe of physical enforcement of any form, and has rarely ever laid a finger on any of us our entire lives. He believes that, through conversation and listening, any dispute can be resolved. However, hes incredibly incorrect in this situation, as E no longer has this ability to communicate or listen. But my dad also refuses to believe that therapy is real, and thinks he can eventually reason with E if he keeps trying to talk to him. And everytime my dad tries, he is attacked more ferociously than any of us. E has called my dad a racist, a pedophile, pathetic (HIS OWN FATHER), worthless (which isnt even applicable since my dad is highly successful), stupid,retarded,idiotic, blind, ignorant, incapable of listening (which is ironic since E never hears what others say), one sided, and should just leave (HIS OWN HOUSE?!). E has also told my parents and his own family that he hates us, and has told us many times. When my dad tries talking to him, the only thing he succeeds in doing is instigating him to yelling more. That's really all it has succeeding in doing, instigating an argument and more insulting. This has caused massive amounts of stress to my dad... And ever since E's been home, my dad's heart has been hurting and he has had to make an emergency visit all because of E's arguing stressing out my dad. E is literally killing my parents with his words! Literally killing them, and yet my parents still tolerate his actions. I don't understand. My mom hasn't been any help either. She is too passive most of the time, not helping my dad enough in his confrontations with my brother, or taking E's side and saying that what this child did wasn't right while completely IGNORING the severity of E's words and actions. It's completely mind boggling when my mom takes E's side about a topic that happened 10 years ago! (like mowing the lawn or doing the dishes, or folding towels) I mean really, these points of arguments are so incredibly small, that there is absolutely no validation for his actions! And its hurting my mom's health either to tell E to stop. So there you have it, I have an older brother who is completely unreasonable to talk to, won't listen to anyone, only will insult others, and doesn't see the fault in his actions. He truly believes that what hes doing is right. That calling my baby brother "a pathetic no-life who will be nothing" is the right thing to do and to remind him of this almost daily. E truly believes that insulting my dad and calling him slanderous and completely non-related terms will get E's point across.. E is killing my parents, my brothers, my sister, and our entire family as a whole. And my parent's won't take further actions.. What can I do in this situation? When a 23 year old brother is out of control? Hes too old to be admitted for therapy by the parents I believe, and will have to go in willingly which he would never do. My parents tell him to move out, but hes not even trying for a job, and I don't think hes even mentally capable of holding one. I sincerely believe he has a strong personality disorder or aspergers that has been undiagnosed all his life. He's lost all reasoning skills and judgement, and has become this walking insulting machine that you can only ignore for so long. I desperately need advice, and would appreciate any input and would make a means to clarify anything that may have been confusing in this thread or needs more history. Please, please, please! Anything will help.
If your parents have told him to move out and he hasn't, they have a legal right to call the police to focibly remove him from the premesis. I am also sure if you think he is mentally ill enough to warrent psycological help I'm pretty sure you yourself could go through a legal action to focibly get him committed if only for a 48 psych hold or something. The insults remind me of my brother when I was younger. He has stopped and moved on, (I think a lot of it was from the military and just finally growing up and dealing with his own demons) but I would think you need to do something. If he is physically hurting your 10 year old brother then I would say it is you DUTY to notify child services. They will have the power to do something. It might be they take away your brothers and sister that are below legal age but that might kick your parents in the butt hard enough for them to wake up and try to deal with him. My best advise is to just call the cops, a laywer to look into getting him commiteed, or child services and have them come help you. Otherwise the only 2 other ways of me seeing this improve is if you beat the crap out of him to wake him up or he does something so terrible to your siblings or parents that he is forced from the house either by cops or by your parents finally waking up. I hope thngs get better soon for you. (*hug*)
This really sounds like someone who has a pretty severe mental illness of some kind. He clearly has no impulse control, and some big anger issues, but from your description, it sounds like this has changed drastically in the past 4 years so, honestly, I would think that getting him a good psychiatric workup (if he'd agree to go) would be the first step. Perhaps you should have a discussion with your parents one-on-one and convey exactly what you've conveyed to us. The harm, particularly to the younger ones, could be severe if it isn't addressed.
I think an important thing to do would be to point out to your 10 year old brother that what E is saying is made-up bullshit, and that he shouldn't take anything he says seriously (if you haven't already). I'm more concerned about the effect that it might have on your younger siblings (who are still growing as people) than anything else. Mitigating the harm he's already done should be a priority, and also addressing the problem (i.e., getting your parents to make him move out unless he seeks counseling?).
From what you've said, it seems like E is a danger. I'm not sure how you can go about keeping yourself and your family safe, and getting E the help he needs. Could you phone your family doctor and ask him? That would likely be a good starting point for getting solid advice on how to get E to counseling, willingly or not. In the meantime, if he ever goes any farther than words, call the police. At once. Good luck; I hope that it works out for you and your family.
You need to sort this out asap, younger bros are going to get mentally scarred, especially your kid bro. My mum used to be like that.. its pretty much ruined my life, and my bro is similar but on a smaller scale. I think he needs to be in a new environment, maybe the house reminds him of the past or something and gets to him.
Your best bet is to point out to your parents that letting him stay in that house is causing way more damage to the other occupants than it's helping him. Either he needs to start seeing somebody to help him get on top of his issues, or he needs to get the hell out of Dodge. And if your parents aren't willing to confront him, you can offer your services. If your parents insist that they "can't do that to him", then honestly, the only thing left is for YOU to find yourself a new place to live. Lex
Have you ever heard of Oppositional Defiance disorder? What you've described in your brother -as a child- reminds me A LOT of this disorder. (I will post links below) A lot of times, children with undiagnosed therefore untreated ODD will go on to develop a more serious disorder called Conduct Disorder. It is basically the same symptoms of ODD but with added aggressive or extreme behaviors. Some of the key indicators of ODD are: often loses temper often argues with adults often actively defies or refuses to comply with adults' requests or rules often deliberately annoys people often blames others for his or her mistakes or misbehavior is often touchy or easily annoyed by others is often angry and resentful is often spiteful or vindictive And then some of the added behaviors indicative of CD are: Agression towards people and/or animals -verbal or physical Destruction of property Theft or deception Serious violations of rules If he does not have multiple symptoms from the conditions above, I would look into Antisocial Personality disorder. Some of those indicators are: Lack empathy and tend to be callous, cynical, and contemptuous of the feelings, rights, and sufferings of others They may have an inflated and arrogant self-appraisal (e.g., feel that ordinary work is beneath them or lack a realistic concern about their current problems or their future) and may be excessively opinionated, self-assured, or cocky. They may display a glib, superficial charm and can be quite voluble and verbally facile (e.g., using technical terms or jargon that might impress someone who is unfamiliar with the topic). Be able to act witty and charming Be good at flattery and manipulating other people's emotions Break the law repeatedly Disregard the safety of self and others Have problems with substance abuse Lie, steal, and fight often Not show guilt or remorse Often be angry or arrogant I hope some of this resonates with you and your situation. Be prepared for resistance from your parents if you do come to them with your findings (if you find any) and please remind them often that it is NEVER too late. Best of luck to you and your family! APD- Antisocial personality disorder - PubMed Health ODD- Oppositional defiant disorder - PubMed Health CD- Conduct disorder - PubMed Health
Considering that this thread is 2 years old, it is unlikely the op is still having the issue. Please refrain from nexroposting on time-sensitive threads. Additionally, it is not advisable to be offering up mental health diagnoses, particularly stigmatizing diagnoses such as the ones you have described. Better to refer the person to appropriate professional help, as has already been suggested.
