38 married still in closet

Being openly gay doesn't mean you have to be loud about it. You're a unique individual, do things your way... And don't bother telling your homophobic neighbours.

The idea of coming out is to be truthful with the people you love and yourself, and accepting that you have the right to follow your desires (just as much as the straight guy next door has to follow his).

Good luck (*hug*)

 

I am SO happy for you and for your wife that you are now serious about coming-out to her.
Well done!

You haven't given us enough info to make a good judgment here... But sooner is always better than later, and tell her to have a weekend in Paris with the girls.

Good luck (*hug*)

 

Spydar, I understand exactly what you are gonig through, I am going through it now with my husband, the only difference is I talked with my husband about it twice ad he still chooses to ignore it. He demands I stay married to him and has threatened all sorts of things such as kicking me out of our house, selling my stuff, throwing my cats outside, (they are declawed/indoor only), leaving me pennyiless and even threatnening to blow his own brains out just so I could clean up the mess. I sincerely hope you don't have to deal with the immaturities I am having to cope with daily. Good Luck babe -

 

Hello Spydar:
I'm 44, and I truly understand your fear. I've had a less than idyllic childhood myself, and I can empathize with that fear of change. The unknown seems so much more terrible than any present pain. I want to tell you there IS something better waiting for you.
I use the quote below to help me handle my pain and fear:
LITANY AGAINST FEAR
I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

It's from the science fiction novel Dune, but it works for me as well as any prayer I've found in any prayer book. If I may, when I'm in grip of fear, esp. BIG FEARS, it feels like like I'm standing on a beach waiting for a giant wave of a tsunami to crash over me. I feel like it's going to destroy me. Like I'm going to die.
Spydar, let the fear wash over you. You'll be surprised to find out that, however painful it was for the fear to pass over you, the relief you'll find is remarkable. You'll see how much power you've given that fear. And see how little of that power it actually deserved.
I'm not saying that a decision to come out (and the changes that it makes in your life) won't be frightening. They will be.
But the peace...it will be worth it.
Good luck,Bill

 

@spyder-- you are putting off the inevitable. 38 is not old. We, as a society, are so quick to forgive the foibles of the younger generation "they're just kids--they'll learn from their mistakes". Why do we not grant ourselves the same forgiveness? I was married at 23. I married with the intent of forever-- I never imagined coming out at 39. 2 kids and 16 years of marriage later, but that is exactly what I'm doing. It sucks, but I love my husband enough that I want him to feel happiness joy and good sex again. Being scared is no excuse to be selfish.

 

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