Even though I've just joined EC, but I feel like I need to quickly fix myself. Four years ago, I had a crush on my best friend in the circle of friends I had that was basically everything to me. At first, I thought it was normal until I realized that I had butterflies everywhere with him. I never really wanted to come out to anyone knowing I've been gay since I was little mostly because my family, especially my dad was homophobic. It wasn't until last year that made me realize maybe he had a crush on me, he was really touchy and all. And I decided that it was really going to be it. Months ago, nearly a year. Well, it was August of 2018 when I first came out as bisexual to two people that were new that school year. I chose them mainly because I never wanted them to know that I only liked boys because I was scared that they, too, were homophobic and that maybe I'd lose them. It wasn't long when I told others about it (around 3 to 5) about my sexuality. But I was blind to see that the person I had a crush on had already knew because of my friends. And plus, my mother died right before I knew. Today, months after I've learned about everything. The only thing that got me confused is why he continued to make me feel so loved when all he said at the end of the day was "I'm sorry. I can't." Can someone tell me why? Because I still don't know whether he was -too embarrassed to love me back -convinced not to by my friends -not ready to come out -too scared to hurt me Or was I too much?
Welcome to Empty Closets. It sounds like he was either not ready to come out himself, or he just liked making you feel good but was straight.
First, what do you mean by "it" and "it". I have an idea, but I don't want to put words in your mouth, so to speak. Second, you were quite brave to come out as gay/bi with friends. I hope they are supportive. Third, please remember that we cannot read each other's hearts and minds (it would be great if we could, but we humans simply cannot). So no one can answer your five last questions, except him. Fourth, you seem to have acknowledged that he was aware you had a crush on him. If so, he didn't run away and avoid you, so that's significant. Do you think he can be a friend to you? In my experience, starting a relationship as non-romantic friends often gradually resulted in a more intimate relationship. Its wonderful falling in love, but it is wondrous to grow in love. It sounds like you are a lovable person, OpenMystic. You need to respect and accept his, "I'm sorry, I can't." You can still accept the feeling of love you get from him. I hope there is something in what I've written that you can find helpful. Good luck. And please keep yourself open to others.
