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14 year old friend in relationship with soon-to-be 18 year old

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by Rxley, Jan 13, 2016.

  1. Rxley

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    Hey guys,
    So my friend is 14 years old and she is in a relationship with a person who is turning 18 soon. She has matured a lot, but I still know that this isn't a healthy relationship. They aren't just in a relationship as in they say they're dating but the furthest they've going to kissing. I know they have sex before.
    Both people are friends of mine and I don't want the 17 year old to turn 18 and be put on the sex offenders list, for something like this.
    Any advise on how to deal with this? Should I leave it as is? Or should I tip off someone?
     
  2. Invidia

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    Maybe you can try talking to one or two of them directly, putting it in terms of 1) that the older one may be put on the sex offenders list and 2) that it is likely not a very healthy relationship. I don't know about this 2) though, but I'm guessing maybe it's not.
     
  3. Minori

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    Until she is 16, it's illegal (depending on where you guys live) but normally the age of consent is 16 for most.
    And you have to have them both understand that. When she is 16, go right ahead, go crazy. But until then, he may have to stop and wait a while.
    4 years isnt a big deal just its the fact that she is still a minor
     
  4. robclem21

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    I am going to disagree here. One is at the age to start college/university and the other is just entering high school. There is a huge maturity difference between those two ages and even though it is only 4 years, 4 years at this stage in your life precludes this from being a healthy balanced relationship.

    Whenever I see a situation like this I think what is happening to the older (or younger person for that matter) that is stopping them from dating someone their own age?
     
  5. PatrickUK

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    I agree - the age gap is a big deal. Even if the OP's friend was legally able to have a relationship with the older person, it doesn't make it a good idea for all of the reasons mentioned by robclem21.

    Many people falsely believe age to be just a number; something that is otherwise irrelevant, but it's really not the case at all when a very young person is involved. We can't simply remark that it "worked out okay for me/them" and use that as a positive and meaningful indicator of success, when all other data suggests the opposite.

    It's a difficult situation, but the 17/18 year old needs to understand how big a risk they are taking. If you (OP) know, it's likely other people will too and it only takes one person to report it before the authorities become involved. If you are friends with the 17/18 year old, it might be a good idea to point out the risks to them.. as I've just explained them. The more people who know, the riskier it becomes - especially if the relationship is sexual. In the eyes of the law, it will not be a consensual or equal relationship and it would be better all round if it does not continue.
     
  6. RainbowGreen

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    Well, in Canada, I know that this is legal, but I don't know about Australia.

    However, I agree that their relationship is probably not very healthy. There is too much going on during those years.
     
  7. MickTheMousie

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    When i was 14 i was with an 18 year old guy, and i think it was a perfect relationship :grin:

    Until i broke my own heart by breaking up with him DX , we never came as far as sex even after being together for 4 months, but i would totally have done it with him, if he had tried, but he didn't.. sadly

    well what i'm trying to say is that, really age is actually just a number, i dont have a lot of friends my own age (none actually) cuz they are just not mature enough, it all depends on how far her brain is, not what some number say, you can be over weight but still beautiful, and you can also be young but smart and mature, not a lot of things that really come with age :slight_smile:
     
  8. scouse

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    I think the vast difference in experience and natural development between a 14 year old and an 18 year old in this scenario is very important. The issue with there being an difference in these areas, associated with age difference, is that it can lead to a power imbalance which is detrimental to the younger party - particularly when they are at such a crucial developmental stage. Why is an adult with much more development pursuing a relationship with a youngster. Avoid, avoid.

    Then there are the legal implications, which can be very serious depending on where you're from. As for the OPs situation. Have a talk with your friend but ultimately they are responsible for their own choices.
     
    #8 scouse, Jan 14, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2016