What are you thinking?

If I could avoid leaving my house I would but my mother will only agree to do my shopping to a certain point so even with killer stomach pain that showed up for no reason, I still had to get a prescription from the pharmacy, where they now greet me by name. I swear I’ve never seen the girl who greeted me before today, but useful I don’t need to tell them my name anymore. I always wonder who else gets welcomed by name to the pharmacy.

 

I know it, it's sickening to see such a beautiful belief system turned into something horrid to justify someone's hate for another person. I was drawn to paganism from childhood but was forced to pretend it was "devil worship" (my mom's words) if we went near anything other than Christianity and even Judaism was frowned upon by Mom.

I like paganism because it's not full of hate. It's just loving the earth, watching out for others and being yourself. A lot of the pals I met on my now defunct pagan forum are LGBT+ so it's easy to see why so many of our community has turned away from Christianity, but at the same time I get why so many of our community is still with the church. It IS beautiful, in its true form of loving others and treating others with kindness.

I don't know how her eldest is doing. He has become someone we do not like or trust. He lied to us several times, stole money and more from my mom who has virtually nothing, tried tricking us into letting him move in and take over to turn this place into party central even though I'm disabled and NEED a quiet home to work, and my kid is special needs, and I cut him off. His probation officer thinks he's gods' gift to the world, but he has her so dang manipulated into believing he's not at fault when in reality he's using how his mother abused him to play the victim, get sympathy and get whatever he wants, for nothing. I cut him off years ago and I guess he's no better now from what my mom says. He's just as bad if not worse. He's even thinking his no good bio father is a saint, when in reality his father was horrid, and an abuser as well as a narcissistic dirtbag to boot.

I'm not sure how the younger girls are either. Knowing my sister, she's probably letting her mom in law raise them while she pretends to be sick. I'm sicker than she and my older sibling are put together and I do a LOT of things, from being self employed to taking care of a special needs young man and more. I don't have help. I don't want it. My son is my responsibility, no one else's. I don't care how crappy I feel. I'm in charge and that's that. I'm glad I'm able to work from home and do what I love, while helping my kid, you know?

Oh gosh, Canada is NOT progressive. Our leaders pretend we are but in reality, there's as much hate flying around the nation for non whites and anyone who isn't straight/hetero as there is in the US. We're just more subtle about it.

 

I do find the Christian belief beautiful, but also am unable to accept it fully. I don't know. I went through this phase when I first started to come out... I rejected masculinity entirely... It's so hard once you've had that realisation to take anything seriously that is pro-masculine to the nth degree. I do like much of it, though. I guess a part of that is as I love wallowing in history, and past times, though.

I do feel more drawn to nature than any religion. To me that is a religious experience: simply sitting or walking looking at mountains, woodland or lakes, letting your mind drift and meditate. I did look into pagan forums, after reading what you said, but don't think it's really for me either. A flask of strong tea, my pipe tobacco, a good book, my dog and a tent... That's my church and calling right there!

I'm sorry to hear about your struggles at home. I think it is good you've gotten to the stage of accepting your sister and nephew as they are, instead of being guilt tripped into taking on their problems too. It sounds like you have more than enough of your own to deal with. It does seem to have made you a very strong and assertive person, though. I have faced hardships, too, and am grateful they helped me become a far stronger person.

 

Being told I would be a great secretary because I knew how to photocopy a few forms for my mother is not a compliment. Especially coming from the woman who went to secretarial school back before computers and then spent the majority of her working life as a secretary. Yet knowing how to use an app to control my printer is impressive? I’m constantly asked to do this stuff when it comes to technology but if I can Google it so can you. I’m not you’re free IT support.

 

Well em when I was reading this post title I was thinking what am I thinking xD

 

When did Samsung become a bad brand? Does Tesco replace faulty phones?

 

I feel better after having moved on from friends who support Trump and others like him. I feel like I have shed some baggage.

 

My mother has fallen down the whole Trump rabbit hole. How can some see him as the/a Messiah?

 

My mother keeps telling me to spend time with my dog. My dad keeps ordering me out of the only room my dog is allowed in because apparently the dog only makes noise when I’m there. But I know the dog doesn’t go crazy when I’m the only one there.

 

I can't accept Christianity or believe in it myself. Not after seeing the amount of bigotry in it, or the hate flying around. It's too darn focused on the men being superior to women. I always tell the fundies that the Bible was written well after Christ's time, meaning the authors of each book didn't see the events themselves and they could have easily inserted their own beliefs into the works... It tends to make the fundies lose it but that's their problem. If they can't accept that as a fact, that's their problem.

Nature is always good, we need to get outside more and connect with the earth in my opinion. Doing that with a tent and your amazing dog is a great way to reconnect and be you, in my opinion. I haven't joined another pagan forum, don't feel like it. Heck I don't really even participate in my writing forums now. One is so large it scares me, while the other is so full of snobs that if you don't fit in with the main clique, they will pretend you do not exist. Even if you have friends in the clique. It's just horrid. I haven't even posted in there that one of my books got an award, they're so snobby in there.

Thanks. I just can't let them drain me any more. Having the nephew try grifting us hurt, a lot. He was more of a baby brother to me when he was little than a nephew. As for the sister, well.... She's been like this since her early teens and I finally had enough of her. Mom tried getting us to reconcile several times but stopped after I told her if she wanted me to continue writing and putting out books, she'd never ask me again. It worked.

Being strong isn't always easy... We both know that. But in the case of being part of the LGBTAQI+ community, it doesn't hurt to be a strong person at all. We have to be tough, because we get spit on so often. It's sad we have to be though.

 

I'd like to know that too. Holy cow, he's a foul creature. Whoever thinks he was the "best president ever" or the "most patriotic" better stop drinking the sewage and clue in how nasty he is. I never liked him. I always thought he was a pompous dirt bag.

 

I'm with you. I think he's pretty arrogant as a person and not sure how everyone thinks he's supposed to 'save America' or whatever, but I did appreciate him appointing the first openly gay Cabinet member.

 

PSA: Heartstopper season 2 Be still my homo heart

 

The male superiority aspect soon starts to grow tired. I suppose being a carer has swayed my image somewhat. I do everything, and know exactly how hard women work 24/7, dawn-till-dusk 365! It's impossible to see men the same way when many seem to think because they're doing a regular job for five days (with regular vacation time) they're hard done to!

I do think the modern life full of tech is so bad for the soul. It's like pollution. News, media, social media, music, images... It's all like white noise grating your mental stability and comfort slowly to pieces. I actually read a wonderful book "How to be a Victorian" by Ruth Goodman, and now try to live my life by it where possible. My house used to be filled with gadgets and clutter, I now live a very simple and humble life, taking care to concentrate on everything and do things properly. I think the internet teaches you to leap from one thing to the next, constantly clicking for more and more dopamine hits. Nature and simple living is slow, soothing and nurturing, whereas modern life is fast, toxic and very unhealthy.

The saddest thing I've noticed, is growing up in the 70s and 80s... Streets, and town centres, especially on a summer weekend, were full of people. Nowadays streets are nearly always empty. Hardly any kids playing out, hardly any parents doing DIY, tending to the garden or washing their cars. I think the majority of people must be indoors looking at screens. It's awful. Like something from a dystopian sci-fi movie. And, with AI, it's likely just going to get worse and worse.

 

I did not know he appointed an openly gay cabinet minister. Wow, that's a bit of a shock, considering how vocal he is against the community.

Unfortunately in some careers, the modern/tech life is needed. My job as a graphics artist and an author require me to be at a screen a lot of the time. I don't use my smartphone for it, I use my expandable and trusty desktop system with a large monitor. I can get away from the darn screen but the brain is always whizzing with ideas for books, either the current work in progress, or another idea for a future story, or promo posters for my books. I'm also always looking at other people's covers to get ideas for what sells and what doesn't in every genre, so I can create beautiful covers for the publisher I work with, and my other clients. If I'm not doing that or puttering around the house, I'm either out walking, running errands or reading. I just don't know how to relax because even when I am out walking, I'm thinking about what plot points may or may not work in the WIP, or another idea that popped into the head. I'm weird. I admit it.

Women have always worked 24/7 and never really get a break. Not even when we're on scheduled vacations. We're still cooking, cleaning, and taking care of any family we have - furry or human - and always looking out for others. I'm glad you're a carer too, and get how hard a lot of us work even with spouses. It's crazy.

 

Hopefully I can move next week.

 

He led a global effort to end the criminalization of homosexuality in countries where its illegal to be gay. They had a large meeting, even flew LGBT activists to Berlin, to discuss the 70 countries where homosexuality is illegal. It was really interesting, but news media didn't care too report on it.

 

Ugh I hope I get the furniture I want in time. I do not want to sleep on the floor.

 

I hope the washer and dryer are nicer at my new unit.