25 years of questioning

Its just every lesbian I have talked to on the internet and irl told me that they couldnt relate to my story and if I had been sexually attracted to one or more guys once then I wasn’t a lesbian, But I was then bi with a shifting sexuality. It just seems like a lot of men on here have a different take on that matter? Is it more because of several of them maybe is theoretically bi but prefer to label Them as gay? I ask because I have friends who have never in their life got aroused by the opposite sex in the life or got feelings for Them. I have several gay friends who has always been like this since childhood.

 

Yea Maybe I shouldnt keep comparing myself. Do you think I experience sexual attraction to men:

- when I have a crush on a guy and the tension/ feelings is intense I fantasise about him naked and craving to have sex with him. I get really turned on making out or him laying naked beside me and wanting to take it further. I get turned on giving head, handjob and I feel like sometimes it feels so good that I still feel arousal the day after thinking about it and want it to happen again.

 

i do sometimes more But I never find myself drawn to real women. I can look at their face and be like I don’t feel an urge to kiss Them or touch them. (i have already kissed women and it didnt change my world.)

 

I really disagree with this. Human sexuality is more complex and diverse and it's important to recognise that our experiences and feelings can evolve and change over time (for good and valid reasons). Sexual orientation is not solely determined by past experiences or attractions. It is a deeply personal and subjective part of a persons identity.

Sexual orientation is more about our enduring pattern of attraction (emotional, romantic, sexual) to individuals of a particular gender or genders. It's not determined by any specific set of experiences or actions - including what has passed. It's about who you are naturally and predominatly attracted and connected to.

It's common for individuals to have a range of experiences and attractions throughout their lives and these experiences don't necessarily define their sexual orientation. People may explore their feelings or experiment and engage in relationships that don't align with their ultimate sexual orientation. This may be connected to things like family or societal expectation or just be a normal part of self-discovery and understanding. In short, it happens!

You have the right to define your own sexual orientation based on your current and predominant feelings and attractions. It's not for me or anyone else to tell you who you are or are not. Trust your own instincts and embrace your true self and be very wary of ascribing ideas about OCD's to the questioning process that so many of us go through.

 

You seem to address your attraction to men in real physical and sexual ways. From what I have read of your posts, you've never expressed that about women.

Only you can decide, but for me I realized I was gay when I realized that I had all the same strong sexual urges as you describe above, but I didn't' feel anything like this for women. When I was really honest with myself, I realized I wanted to give head and like you I could feel the arousal and urge all day after... and I realized I would rather do that than even have intercourse and orgasm with a woman.

 

well I have had some strong urges for women But they are only triggered by porn or sexual stuff like sex scenes in movies. I dont really feel things seeing women in bikini or lingeri (rarely) or get an urge to make out with women. I can’t relate to find a woman attractive on the street or people I know and go Home masturbate about her or feel aroused being near Them. While with men it is Also rarely I find someone attractive on the street and go Home masturbate. I have experienced that with crushes though. Mostly it is Also triggered by movies, porn or sexting. With men I think I am attracted to their faces, like beard, eyes, etc, facial expressions, voices, hands, chest hair, good butts and dicks. While with women I think it is mostly boobs and hips. I find most womens faces unattractive, so that is why I am rarely attracted to women I guess.

 

I find with the most attractive women (the perfect beauties), I'm interested in looks, but with most women and men too, it's about roles for me. If I'm the passenger and they're the driver, well, I'm interested basically! And the better someone appears to be at driving, the more I'm interested in them. In this situation looks etc. don't factor at all.

Perhaps it's something else you're really attracted to, but have been unable to translate it yet? You should perhaps try to understand what it is happening in the porn/sex scenes that triggers these impulses in you, then try fantasizing (without a screen) about normal everyday people and situations in this way? I don't find men at all attractive, physically, but the thought of some men coming onto me does really seem to do it for me.