6 Months Update (OCD Recovery, Shame, etc.!)

Hey,

Welcome back. Glad you're feeling better. I'm in a bit of a similar situation as you, I go into more detail in my post here https://forum.emptyclosets.com/inde...regarding-sexuality-a-result-of-shame.487693/

Just a quick question. Could you get off to gay porn/fantasies while you were questioning? Did you feel like this was a test/compulsion you would do? Everything in my mind almost tells me I'm attracted to guys. I can see them on the street and acknowledge their attractiveness. However, I've tried countless times to masturbate to guys, and I just can't get off to them like I do to girls. But whenever I question wehether I'd be happy dating girls, something inside me, or my mind, just says no you won't you'd be better off dating guys.

I think you're right about talking about it though. None of my friends would really care, but I just bottle it in rather than talking about it. And I get these urges to just blurt out "I'm gay" sometimes

 

So good to know when people can fight their ocd, makes me happy. Im happy to hear your doing well, like you i had a good time with ocd about my sexuality, which always made me test, even nowadays i do only sometimes, like i think im a lot better now. But i still have some sessions of testing sometimes.

Im just wondering, i dont want to make you get anxious or anything is just a curiosity, you said that youre better when you came to terms with your bissexuality, but are you really bissexual? Like you really like guys and girls, or you say this to make the ocd stop? Im not trying to be rude really, is just bc i saw a lot of ppl around the internet and in forums about ocd saying that they said to themselves that they were bissexual and the ocd stopped, but they actually never got attracted to any men. So im just curious.

And a question about me. I dont know about you, but even if i like to fantasize about women, theres a weird feeling in my stomach, that makes me feel like im not enjoyning, even if im hard, and it makes me wonder a lot why this happens, how do you dealt with these moments of confusion?

 

me too

 

i feel like it’s damn near impossible that i’m gay. at most bisexual but even then i don’t think that label sounds right to me. i have ocd and have been questioning my sexuality. my sex drive has came back and i try to get aroused by guys and it doesn’t work. as soon as i think about a girl though i’m hard straight away ahah. there was a point where my attraction to women went away

 

hey sadboi i’ve done a lot of soul searching through ocd and questioning myself. my sex drive has came back and anxiety is low but i still keep testing to see if i get aroused by men and i never do. but as soon as i think of women i’m hard straight away. i think it’s clear i’m straight or at most bisexual but my brain won’t let me settle with that. i’m almost over this obsession though i think. so your ocd is based on the ambiguity of your orientation rather than it being a different orientation than you believed?

 

Oh yeah i understand what youre saying, that would explain why theres a moment where i cant control myself, or moments that i have sever intrusive thoughts. Ill say is very weird that like, i see a women and im getting aroused, and then suddenly a pe is pop up in my head, i k ow ots not the penis that is arousing me, but the anxiety starts to grow and grow even it was not me that decided to think about that, this usually happens when im masturabting to woman, change to men to test, and even dont getting arpused, when i switch back to women its easier for me to finish, and i think theres a big role of anxiety there, i think anxiety can cause arousal too, not just take it.

Well i started taking new meds for 2 days now, i dont think ill get a result so early on, my psychiatrist said this medication will help me not to engage in compulsions, some as masturabting to test, or even mental tests, and the other that i take before sleeping is to hell me sleep well and help with my anxiety. We see where this goes. Thank you chip

 

Oh i got that, so even before your ocd you fantasized about both men and women? I understand. I say this bc i can understand the whole point of getting anxious about something that you dont know, like i said, there are moments where i just try to see cute girls and masturbate, but inside i had this urge to test, so i do test, dont feel almost nothing, only like some tingling feelings, but when i come back to women again, is so easier for me to masturbate, while if i didnt do this test with men it wouldnt be that easy, so it makes me so confused, and not that i get aroused by men, i dont, this is what makes it such a mess, i think that anxiety can cause some sort of arousal, dont know.

But good to know youre feeling well men, im happy for you!

 

yeh i think mine is more centered on the fear of being gay not because there’s anything wrong with it, i have a very open family and friend group, my best friend is gay or bi he doesn’t know yet. the reason i fear it mainly comes from losing access to women which i love and sex with men is really foreign and unnatural for me personally (homosexuality is perfectly natural in people, i just mean personally)

 

on top of this i wouldn’t even mind being bi if there was some actual sexual attraction there

 

Hi.

Do you had moments where you were more aroused by women after testing with men? This kind happens to me a lot, i domt know if this is a anxiety result but maybe is, even if i dont get hard with men, i have this intense tingling feeling, most bc im already aroused and switching between, but theres this feeling there, but after i come back to woman again, im finish much more fast, like so fast. I never understand why this happens tbh. I dont test myself with men anymore but i can say that bc of this it takes long for me finish rather when i tested with men, didnt get hard, and went back to woman. Is very weird right?

 

yeh i’m at a point where i think it’s pretty damn obvious i’m straight or AT MOST bisexual but like you said my brain won’t let me settle on that.

 

Do you used to feel groinal responses? I was on a good streak but i tested today with a naked men and his penis and i always have this feeling in my penis, like its groqing/moving, at some point i got aroused bc while i was doing a scene from a porn appeared in my head. I was shock bc i think it was bc of the men so i did it again and again lol, ends up that i masturbated like 3 times to this men until i stopped and watched a trap hentai, sorry this words if offended someone, is just the name that they use. Do you used to feel this? Or am i the only one tripping here.