Hello, everyone! In first place, I want to apologize for my bad english (I'm Spanish!). Well... Here we go. I am non-binary and AFAB. I think. I don't know if you all know, but in Spanish there are no pronouns they/them, so I started using he/him (él) pronouns, which... made me surprisingly comfortable. Right now, within Spanish there is a tendency to include new pronouns (the equivalent of they/them, which... I don't like at all, like the feminine ones) Yesterday, I was celebrating my best friend's birthday. My best friend's friends were using Instagram filters, and they wanted to try a male filter with me. I reluctantly agreed, and when they tried it... they said "there are no changes..." which made me surprisingly happy and comfortable??? And ... I've been experiencing a lot of dysphoria recently, which worries me. Also, a japanese voice actor (he was non-binary) came out as a trans boy and that made me wonder... if I'm not a non-binary person and instead I'm a trans boy too. But I don't really consider myself a man, and I am really, really confused. I can't see myself as agender or genderfluid or 3rd gender... So... I'm very, VERY confused...
Oh my god I'm basically right there with you but from the other end, I thought I had an epiphany last night that I was genderfluid but it still doesn't sit well, and all of my attempts to be non-binary end up smacking very close to just wanting to cut the pretense and just be a girl. I think this comes from the idea that non-binary people must be mostly androgynous when in reality many enbies I've met are whatever the hell they feel like being. For me, I've always had a lot of dysphoria regarding the masc stuff I've gotten used to doing, but I don't like identifying as a girl usually. I've tried they/them as well and that just feels off to me, I put it on my profile here just as a placeholder really because if I'm honest, being referred to as she/her makes me feel really nice. But I still don't consider myself a woman just as much as you don't consider yourself a man, it seems. Actually for me, what's most fascinating is that I'm actually jealous of AFAB folk sometimes, because my whole thing is basically that I want to pass convincingly for fem without feeling like I have to censor myself much. Not to say you're 'squandering your gifts' or anything, nothing could be further from the truth, but it does feel odd to me that I can identify so much with AFAB people and yet really not want to be a girl. At the end of the day what matters is how you feel, and if the labels we use can't encapsulate that appropriately, then that's hardly your fault.
