After a roller coaster ride over the past 7 or so years since first embracing my sexuality, I have reached a point where I wake up just about every day (of course there are exceptions) with a smile and I feel truly happily and content as a proud single gay man!
I was and continue to be astonished by how sweet and tender a man can be. My bf’s gentle touch and the way he looks me in the eyes and the loving things he says, even after 8 months together, continue to amaze me. Even the sensitive way he delivers constructive criticism about the way I load the dishwasher or match an outfit. I think I never appreciated this because being closeted so long I always kept men at an emotional distance.
Oh absolutely! I was trapped in shame and fear for most of my adult life. At some point the shame morphed from shame over being gay to shame for hiding it for so long and marrying a woman and having kids when I knew I was gay.
Interesting how shame & fear play out - differently in people. For me shame and fear blocked my ability to learn and reflect on who I might be, a gay man.
This! When I think of my crush, it's so much not about sex, but just snuggling -- physically, and moreover, emotionally.
This is what draws me so strongly to my crush. He seems so sweet and tender -- and vulnerable, and hurting, which makes me want to just hug him. And his eyes! They are so big and soulful. I have never seen such wonderful eyes.