Did you always please your (straight) partner in bed?

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It probably is. For a man the erection comes as much from mental stimulation rather than physical so I guess it does make it easier for a woman to just go through the motions. I was always happy just being cuddled. For me that was the start of real intimacy.

 

Hi @RJH -
Please keep in mind the difference between lovemaking and f***ing. I hope your experience will be lovemaking. My first and only gay sexual experience as an adult was definitely lovemaking. When my partner started something that I was not comfortable with, he picked up on my discomfort and changed course. I'm grateful for that. I hope for the same for you!

 

Yes. I didn't like sex at all with my husband but I pushed myself through it. I did all I could to make him orgasm fast. Sometimes it was very quick which made it better for me. In additional it was physically painful and triggered my PTSD but I always did it anyways to try and make him happy. Sex with my ex-gf was never painful and I was triggered once and we stopped and that was much better. The main reason why I did have sex with him is so I could get pregnant but I also pushed through that sex as well. I didn't let myself stop even though I wanted to.

 

To be perfectly honest, the whole thing was over when we bought a Hitachi Wand. Hell *yes,* I pleased my partner, and you could see it on the electric bill.

And one time, early in our marriage, she pleased me. Once.

"Let me not to the marriage of true minds, admit impediments..."

 

My wife told me if she were to have sex now at our age she would want to be with a woman.
When you love someone you accept them where they are at. I love her I am not going anywhere.

If sex is the main reason for a relationship it is not one.

Love is the main reason for being around someone no matter what relationship or friendship it is.

 

Love is love if you love someone you want to please them. End of story.

 

Ok...I want to go on record agreeing with most of this. HOWEVER, I also want to go on record that the idea of f***ing is insanely hot. I have to admit that the on major thing that keeps on pushing me to realize I am gay is that passionate sex with another man.

Yes - I want that romance and wonderful intimacy (love making) that can come only with being with another man. I would prefer that be a boyfriend that I love. But sometimes I just want that f***ing and intensity and that also only come with being with another man. I am guessing that it can be incredible even with someone that you like and respect but do not love.

 

I think it depends on the person. I had, for a couple months, what could be described as a "FB". A sorta friend who showed up once a week for sex. Our messing around was like porn. Really hot sex. But, every time I felt hollow when he left. When I met my boyfriend, the next day I called my "FB" and told him I was done with what we were doing. There was, quite simply, no comparison. Technically, I would say the sex with my "FB" was better. Something about the way we interacted and fit together. But, with my BF, it is so satisfying that the whole hookup casual sex thing now seems so unappealing. I think I knew this about myself when I was young and dating women. But, I think I had to relearn this with men. TBH, I think when my boyfriend and I are no longer a thing (and, it cannot be sustainable with our age differences) I will have little interest in hooking up ever again.

 

This is all so true. When i first had sex with my bf, we were exploring each other’s bodies, feeling and tasting each other, fucking intensely and just exploring and playing out the attraction we had for each other.

Now that we’re a few days from moving in with each other and completely in love and committed to each other, this absolute lust and hotness for each other hasn’t waned, but the sex comes from more of a trust and intimacy than from pure lust, although it’s still fun & hot. The kisses are more tender, the touches linger longer, the eye contact adds intensity, and the feeling is less “omg this is actually happening” and more “omg this is perfect and I love my life and if we never did this again I still want this man with me forever.”

 

You can F*ck and still be doing it in a loving way.

 

This sounds amazing 1cgd! I am so happy for you. I would love something like this. I absolutely love your note about touches lingering longer and how eye contact becomes much more intense. Wow!

 

I wish hot sex with love to everyone reading this.

I also wish Love for those not having hot sex.

I also wish love to those having mediocre sex.

Humor helps sometimes.

But I do wish everyone love.

 

Reading this is making me sad. Happy for those that have found love but sad for myself i guess. I'm with my partner a long time now over 10 years. I've come here to read often but have to comment on this thread. Thing is he seems horny enough around me at times but there is never any foreplay, kisses oral sex. I've always felt from the bottom of my heart that there was something missing. In that time i've felt so isolated. After having sex theres no cuddles love nothing. Sex is pretty much when ever hes in the mood and foreplay is completely missing, i need to be ready there and then. Anytime i bring up questions regarding foreplay, kiss etc it turns into a huge argument. At the moment we are barely talking, he says i've screwed it up. All i have done is ask for some passion? Is he gay? I don't know what to make of it.

 

1cdg captures it beautifully. This could be my story as well. Even almost three years in I feel everyday is a gift with my BF. To me I must be the luckiest guy in the world to wake up every morning cuddling with this beautiful man. Sure some of the initial lust has calmed down to be replaced with a serenity and peace with passion I could never have visualized. I never ever even think about my old life, don’t miss it, and could never be intimate in anyway with a woman again. Simply no comparison to the sensuality, eroticism and connection I have with my BF. We are couple like I have never experienced before. More in tune on almost every level, except for a piece of paper I am more husband to him than I ever was to my ex-wife when we were actually married.

 

I would suggest some marriage/relationship counseling. He may have issues with being vulnerable. This can be caused by a lot of different things. Communication is vital to a good intimate relationship and a lot of people don't understand this. I was always afraid to ask my wife what she wanted and she has not been forthcoming about it. So, once we got beyond the first few years where horniness was driving everything, our intimacy was not all that passionate. We had to relearn everything. TBH, that's sorta fun but does take some work and commitment.

 

Thanks Nickw- he had been through alot before he met me but i have helped him through every thing. He knows how much it upsets me but there is never an effort only an argument brought on by him after i say it. It usually makes me feel that i'm not worth that much and is having awful effects on my self esteem. I'm a good looking woman slim, etc so i don't understand how he could not be vulnerable with me. Surely you'd want to kiss your partner at least one. No oral sex and i mean none ever... Sex is simply be ready when i'm ready and that's it. The analogy wham bam thank you mam comes to mind.