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Can you repress arousal?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by aw4288, Jan 14, 2019.

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  1. aw4288

    aw4288
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    Thanks for your support. I don't understand being with a guy doesn't invoke anything other then anxious feelings and certainly can't keep it or get it up with the thoughts. I guess im just a freak. Im happy to accept Bi, gay or Hetero. I love my wife and wouldn't trade her for anything.
     
    #21 aw4288, Jan 18, 2019
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  2. out2019

    out2019
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    I think there is a long tradition, in many cultures, religions and traditions, with men at least that abstinence promotes vitality - I don't think this can be discounted
    Masturbation can be harmful in the sense of it making men lose interest in 'real' sex or lose motivation in general (the old sit in your basement play video games and beat off :slight_smile: )
    For me I found it a tool for acceptance of my sexuality - but I don't want to do it too much that it keeps me from seeking the real thing :slight_smile:

    Porn can confuse people of all sexes and genders and make them lose interest in real sex or make it hard to get aroused by real sex.
     
    #22 out2019, Jan 18, 2019
  3. aw4288

    aw4288
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    I have tried porn doesn't do anything for me. Its weird however hard I try. Ive tried accepting myself telling myself its ok and nothing works. I would even meet in the middle and be bisexual but that still doesn't chill me out.

    I know you don't get to choose what and who your attracted to but anything involving men sexually doesn't appeal and makes me anxious.
     
    #23 aw4288, Jan 18, 2019
  4. Chiroptera

    Chiroptera
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    Masturbation is healthy, as long as you aren't addicted to it. If it isn't getting in the way of your other activities and relationships, then it is perfectly fine.

    There are many traditions where sexual acts for the sake of pleasure, especially masturbation, are seen as selfish, unhealthy or simply wrong, and many promote the idea that it is a shameful activity. That is complete nonsense, and just because an idea is seen as a tradition doesn't mean it is accurate.

    There is nothing wrong in knowing your body and giving yourself pleasure. I repeat: As long as it isn't getting in the way of your relationships and your other activities, then it's fine and healthy. If it is getting in the way, then talking to a therapist may be a good idea.

    Bottom line is that I advise the OP to be careful about certain sites, especially those who promote shameful thoughts regarding masturbation, or absurds like "you will be more productive in work if you just stop masturbating". There are good sources around the internet, but there are many harmful sources too (including ones that use shady texts supposedly written with "scientific basis", but that contain false information).
     
    #24 Chiroptera, Jan 18, 2019
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  5. aw4288

    aw4288
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    I think ive come to a clearer understanding. I think yesterdays issue was from delayed precum which seems to happen at the moment, I watched porn for ages last night even full mast and took ages.
    Gay porn doesn't do anything for me. Lesbian I enjoy and can watch straight. Can perform with my wife so I think my heads just a mess or im at least Kinsey 1 maybe 2.
     
    #25 aw4288, Jan 19, 2019
  6. Wan2Luv

    Wan2Luv
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    I don’t think it’s unusual for someone who’s heterosexual to be aroused by people of the same gender. Many straight women get turned in by porn, for example.

    Maybe it’s different for guys, where sexuality tends to be more black and white, but there is nothing wrong w you. You could be struggling to accept your sexuality, and it’s normal to think that ind
     
    #26 Wan2Luv, Jan 19, 2019
  7. Wan2Luv

    Wan2Luv
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    [.....oops - hit reply too soon...]

    It’s normal to think that once you start having these feelings “omg I’m totally gay” and freak out, and wonder “we’ll, If I am then why do I still feel attracted to women?” and use that to justify why you shouldn’t have feelings for men. There is no “should”. It’s normal to feel attracted to both genders. Other posters in this thread are right - exolore your feelings. And being in a board like this is a good way to start.
     
    #27 Wan2Luv, Jan 19, 2019
  8. Chip

    Chip
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    What you're describing sounds like it isn't an issue of arousal or suppression thereof, but an issue of anxiety-spectrum symptoms. It sounds like perhaps you're having intrusive thoughts and/or compulsive behaviors (the constant needing to check whether you're aroused by men, even though it's never happened.)

    I would suggest your best bet is to see a therapist and ask him or her to help you with what appear to be obsessive or compulsive symptoms.
     
    #28 Chip, Jan 19, 2019
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  9. Brandy Bee

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    Well, there you have it.
    Focus on her: if that brings you happiness, perfect!
     
    #29 Brandy Bee, Jan 21, 2019
  10. JoGay

    JoGay Guest

    I started this way- got aroused by seeing a naked male. Felt almost embarassed. Then I found myself checking our gay porn and realizing Im completely turned on. Now Im giving in to it and want it more
     
    #30 JoGay, Feb 2, 2019
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