so I’m like 99% sure I’m bi I mean I don’t even know if I’m that bc it’s been a really long time since I’ve truly been attracted to a guy so maybe I’m a lesbian but for now I’m sticking with bisexual. I want to come out I mean I’ve been basically depressed since I finally excepted it. One person knows and she’s and old friend but I’m terrified to tell the rest of them I’m really close to all my friends who are girls like we play around and I feel like if I come out they aren’t gonna wanna joke and mess around like we used to and I don’t mean anything sexual but like holding hands, laying in the same bed, like basic stuff you do with your best friends and it kills me bc they are like my family and I could never be sexually or even romantically attracted to them but I feel broken bc I cant be 100% cerothat they will still care for me or wanna be close I just wanna be me but I feel like I can’t.
Hey I'm sorry you are struggling but I think what you are going through is really common. I know when I was first coming out I was really worried that my friends were all going to think I fancied them and that I was checking them out but they never did. Are your friends generally LGBT friendly?
Your relationship with your best friends is pretty much exactly like mine. I was worried about the same thing — that they’d be uncomfortable around me and things wouldn’t be the same as they were before. In fact, I made a thread a few months ago and the responses ended up helping me out, so you can check that out here if you want. I came out to my three best friends (they’re all girls) and honestly nothing seemed to change except now I don’t have to awkwardly dodge any conversations about crushes and (unless someone who I’m not out to is around) they all use she/girlfriend/wife in reference to my future partners. One of them has been busy this past month so I haven’t gotten to see her as much, but I’ve spent enough time with the other two to tell that they’re not uncomfortable around me. Then again, they’re both very supportive of the LGBTQ+ community (they’re actually the first people I’ve had a conversation with about the community and they’re the ones who brought it up). Have your friends ever talked about LGBTQ+ topics? If so, how supportive are they? Are they generally pretty open-minded and accepting people? If you don’t know, do you think you’d be able to test the waters a bit and bring up related topics to figure out what they think? I’m sorry that you’re feeling depressed and are having a hard time. I really hope that things turn out alright for you and that you feel like you’re free to be yourself. Best wishes!
junemills, you describe it so clearly that you've answered your own question: you should cut-and-paste what you just posted here... and send it to your friends. OK, now that's just a serving suggestion, I don't mean it literally. But if you are that close with your friends, they won't want want to lose that either. If you tell them what you told us (phrasing it however you want) you give them a chance to say so too, and you can recommit to being besties. How to tell them? That's like deciding whether to pull the band-aid off fast, or slow? I hope other people who have maintained friendships after coming out can tell their stories.
