Ok so for starters, my name is joey. I’m in 8th grade and I started liking this guy at my school. Let’s say his name is (Shawn). So we share common interests like drawing, he’s honestly really hot and dresses well and is genuinely a really nice funny guy and we have a similar friend group. Him and I hardly talk and we kinda hated eachother before. (I’ll back up to a year ago). So we always had this tension due to competition with drawing because we’re both really good and people would always compare us with eachother. We also kinda share the same best friend. But that’s not the big reason. The big reason he hates me is because before I knew I was gay, I tried to hide my sexuality (let’s say her name is Adeline) so Adeline and I are very alike, kinda to the point where it’s uncomfortable. I cared about her but I didn’t really like her that way. I tried to date her but in doing so, I took her away from Shawn (they liked eachother since 4th grade but never dated) and I could tell it reeeeeaaallllyyy hurt him. I felt so bad because she was his life. (It didn’t work out between the girl and I and I apologized to her) Whenever he looks at me, I can see how much it still hurts him. I don’t know why but I really started taking an interest into him. At first I just wanted to talk to him because I’m tired of the tension and we sit next to eachother in class and I really thought him and I could be really good friends but I stared developing feelings for him. Whenever he talks, I blush so bad. I try my best to talk to him and it’s slightly getting better. I bought him a present for his birthday and we never really talked before that. When I gave him the paint set, he looked very confused/ shocked and said “oh? Thanks” and made a face which I can’t tell what it meant. Then I say hi to him whenever I see him and he said hi as well. (Fast forward a week or two). I’m in asb and I worked as an intern for a college and career day. When his class came in, I couldn’t stop blushing and i was scared of making it noticeable. Someone asked the career presenter “how did you start this job” and the guy responded “I started as a paid intern” then Shawn looked at my name tag that said “Joey: Unpaid Intern” And he looked at me and smiled and said “aww poor joey he doesn’t get paid” and everyone laughed (not at me but with me). I also blushed really bad. I can tell he’s kinda gettin more comfortable but it’s still a lot of tension. Now here is where the advice comes in: how do I get to know him better without letting him know I like him and how do I know if he is bisexual or gay? Most of our friends say to me that they think he is probably gay because he dressed very well (cuffed jeans with clean brown hiking boots with a casual blank gray shirt with a flannel or sweater that matches it perfectly and he has amazing hair) and also people say they can sense it. I honestly don’t know because his voice isn’t feminine (I’m not saying his voice has to be feminine). And he has a masculine body (again not stereotyping) (btw I’m the same way so people harldlyguess I’m gay) #1
Hi JoeyCarter, Getting to know other people also means them getting to know you. You already have art in common, and reached out to him at his birthday with the paint set. What else about you, or about him, would be good to get to know. Maybe you like cooking (I'm just making this up) because you had to do that when your parent got sick and now you just keep experimenting with ways to prepare food. Or you helped a relative do some work on their car/house. You could bring that up sometime. He gets the idea you are fine sharing things about yourself. You mention his voice, so do you have any indication he uses his voice (does he read stories to little kids as a volunteer, or sing in chorus)... maybe there are ways of asking him those questions (but not as a "yes" or "no" question... more like "I notice when you speak up that I pay attention... what ways do you learn that, or what ways have you become involved in using your voice?)". And if if you put it in your own words and he has no response or looks at you weird, you could admit "Ok, so I'm awkward in the way I'm phrasing things, but sometimes that's just me being interested." Or maybe that's not a way you'd respond and you'd rather joke to get him to relax. Or tell him about how a teacher reacted to another student in class, and how that made you want to (laugh, cry, cringe, etc.), and see if he rolls with that and keeps the conversation going a little. Later you can deal with "is he gay or bisexual?" Let him get to know you, show interest in getting to know him, that's my suggestion for the start.
Why can’t you come out to him? If he knows you’re into guys, maybe he’ll start thinking about what is your relationship. I agree getting to know him is nice. Maybe when you come out, you could say you knew he liked Adeline and see how he responds (does he talk about liking her or not). Ultimately, you can’t know another person’s orientation for sure unless they tell you.
We share a lot of the same friends and they all know I’m gay and I’m probably sure that he knows. I don’t think Adeline and him have talked since the whole thing happened
Ok so as I mentioned, we sit next to eachother in a class and we did some group work today and the entire group was joking around today and were all laughing together and he actually was talking with me and so was I and it was pretty good
Hey, I guess I would say get to know him better as a friend first. I'm a strong believer in friends before anything more serious, but also I think you should figure out whether you're just physically attracted to him or whether you like him as a person. Get to know him better and then if you feel comfortable you could tell him that you're into him. A word of caution though, after you get to know him a bit better, you should really consider how you telling him about your feelings may affect your friendship. I'm not telling you to keep it a secret, but just that there's a difference in telling him you're gay vs. telling him you like him, you know?
Yea I understand. Thank you for the advice, I really appreciate it. I’ll follow the advice and give updates. Happy early Valentine’s Day
Hey, sorry to hijack your post. I hope you're doing okay. I don't know if you're still active, but if you are I'd appreciate your advice on my post here
