Who do you talk to when there's no-one to talk to?

I am on the bus right now going to work and all I want to do is break down and cry. Seriously, the thought of spending another hour on here and then 8 hours at work, slaving away for pretentious rich d*ks who think they're better than you because they are 'educated' makes me wamt to kill myself. I really cannot cope and I just want to talk to someone, but there isnt anyone.

I don't want to burden my parents, I don't have that kind of relationship with my friends, and I've been to counselling twice and it didn't work (I get too upset and nervous to speak the truth, even after many sessions).

I am SO effing close to just getting my computer and THROWING IT at one of the stuck-up spoilt brats I have to work with.

Sorry if you hate me because of this post (maybe I sound like an attention seeker, maybe I AM) but God I feel like I am going mad. All I want to do is cry.

 

You could try talking too us. There are lots of great people on here, many who have felt the same way you do. Sometimes it is just good to vent and get things out,

 

Hmmm I think people will just say I'm whiny Dunno what to say really I am just all over the place recently. Just so fed up of being treated like scum at work (I'm a receptionist/office admin and people think it's a cushy job).

The thing is that I don't know how I'd get another job, because I don't have any skills: just being polite and having common sense. I haven't got a degree and I have no goddamn clue what job I would like to do if I could do ANYTHING.

Then there is the fact I get home at 6:30 and have hardly any time: as soon as I get home, the chores start: cook tea, eat tea, exercise, shower, get my stuff ready for the next day, make lunch, cleaning etc. etc. The same humdrum existence EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

I have started having panic attacks again and feeling just generally nervous for no reason. And feeling so depressed about the way I look. I have no hope of ever coming out and actually living happily as a gay person, let alone ever being with anyone when I look this utterly ugly. Everything just seems pointless, you know?

God, there is so much more I want to write, but I have stuff I need to get done tonight (I hardly get time to go on EC- if I'm not exercising or doing chores in my freetime I feel guilty). But maybe no one is interested anyway and just thinks I'm acting pathetic.

Thanks for being the inly person to reply, anyway It scares me when I feel depressed so badly and so suddenly, ans lately it lasts for weeks at a time.

 

Hi!
Sometimes I feel just like you. I "talk to myself"... by writing down what i feel. Its nos the ideal but it helps me. And you have EC too.

 

Have you considered trying to find a similar job with a different organization? You might find a group of people you will like better and possibly something with a shorter commute so your days aren't so long. Maybe take a break from your usual routine and mix it up a bit instead of exercising why not go for a run, fresh air is good after being cooped up in an office all day. You don't need to feel guiltily for dedicating a part of your day to yourself to do whatever you please, you need to reward yourself for working hard occasionally. . As far as therapy goes I think you should give it another shot, you probably just haven't found the right councillor yet. Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself . You can get through this. Use this forum to vent . Sometimes I sit down and have a good cry and in the long run I feel better

 

Thanks, I do go running 3 days a week actually lol I didn't make that clear. Being outside away from everyone us pretty much the only place I feel good when I'm like this (trees and animals don't judge your appearance haha).

I really want to get a job closer by, but for some reason I can't get past the mental wall that's stopping me from applying to anywhere. I suppose I'm scared of having to go to interviews and stuff. I've updated my CV so that's a start.

I'm not sure about the therapy... I've just never been able to ever open up to therapists before. I'd really like to see a male counsellor actually if I could find one nearby that can do Saturday appointments (only day I can make) that doesn't cost too much. The last 2 times I tried counselling they asked me if I wanted to see a man instead of a woman but I was too embarrassed to say lol. Oh and then there's the having to lie to my parents who demand to know where I'm going!

 

Maybe you could try an online councillor I am not sure what they cost . If you have updated your cv that’s a great step forward. Now you just have to use it to apply for some jobs . The interview process can be intimidating but I am sure you interviewed for the job you have now and obviously that went well.

I am glad to hear you run and have a connection with nature it is good for a person.
I think a person is probably the worst judge of their own appearance. I have gotten to the age now where it really doesn’t matter to me what people think of how I look I am me and I am comfortable , some day you will get to this point too.
Hang in there and start applying for jobs closer to where you live. A shorter commute will make a big difference. Be sure to reward yourself daily for working hard. Take a break , listen to some music , take a nice long walk or run watch a Favorite show

Take care

 

The "Rich di*ks" spend millions trying to sort out how to keep and retain employees by improving their work environments.
Everything from free donuts in the break room to Roomba's that glide by your workstation playing a happy tune.
The fact is that until humanity gets to a Star Trek level we will continue to work-earn-survive rather than the old hunt-gather-survive.
The world is what it is and nobody guaranteed it was going to be easy.
The "Rich di*ks" just got lucky being born into entitled families or having the opportunity to better themselves through education and their own hard work so lashing out at their good fortune will in the end only make you more angry and bitter with yourself.HTH

 

By the way.
If you were REALLY as ugly as you so think you are that hated employer would have never given you or even offered you that hated receptionist job you are earning your keep from.
Trust me on this.
Your world isn't as bad as you think it is.

 

Errr.. OK obviously I did come across as whiny to at least one person

I'm not asking for the world, I'm not asking for people to treat me like a goddamn prince, and believe me, I KNOW life isn't all easy. All I wish for is that people at work would treat me with the same respect that I treat them.

 

We all wish to be treated as well as we feel we treat others so you are not alone in that ideal.
I'll offer a bit of advice on complaining.
Don't
Half the people do not care of your troubles and the other half are glad to see you have them.

 

I thought that was what EC was for? Sharing problems, finding answers etc. etc.

 

It is indeed but your issues appear more on track for seeking professional guidance from a sympathetic and well trained life therapist as your troubles do not seem completely involved with your sexuality and more in line with the depression that life in general so often causes.

 

I'm sorry since when was it people were only allowed to post about sexuality on EC. I totally agree that that is the main purpose of the forum but if someone is having issues in other areas I like to think we will equally help where we can.

Life is a bitch sometimes as you well know and when we are feeling down everything gets to us we feel every word whereas when we are happy my of these things wash over us without us even noticing.
I know looking for new jobs is time consuming and really hard when you are low on confidence but it's something I would totally encourage you to do. I recently went from being unemployed to finding a job and it took me months to summon up the inner courage to put my self out there and apply for some jobs but it was totally worth it. Sometimes a fresh start is exactly what we need. I'm not saying it will fix all of your troubles but it would be a step in the right direction. There must be some othe reception jobs you can go for.

 

I'm sorry I offended you
And so it goes.

 

Thank you! I was wondering of it was just me reading the other comment the wrong way and being too sensitive. Note to self: don't ever say "Tell me if I'm being whiny" in case a self-styled 'Reality Fairy' gives an honest answer I was going to delete this thread actually, just wanted someone to talk to 'in the heat of the moment'.

Congratulations on getting a job! I was unemployed for 6 months before this job and when you start it just feels so great, doesn't it?! I know I posted this a while ago, today I am feeling a bit better. I have updated my CV which is a start.

 

Well, I made my apology and now I see how the two of you really are.
My advice was sound, I don't appreciate being called names I've made note of both of you and will not interject my opinion on either of your threads ever again.

 

Excellent result all around then!

 

I haven't called you any names and neither have I made any comment on whether or not your advice was sound I merely commented on the fact you told the original posted that he couldn't ask for advice on things that weren't sexuality related.

 

Thanks. It does feel better and congratulations on updating your cv it is such a great step. Now you just have to send it off. I got to the point where I thought what's the worst that can happen, nobody will reply and offer me an interview but then that is no worse than I'm already imagining so why shouldn't I.

Some advice for the future would be to avoid calling anyone names on EC. You didn't appreciate his posts and that's fine there will always be disagreements and clashes in opinion and personality but harping back to one of your original posts about wanting to be treated as you treat others. I'm sure you wouldn't appreciate someone calling you names. 2 wrongs never make a right.