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Saying Hi... New, going through some stuff...

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by scaredstraight2, Jul 18, 2017.

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  1. scaredstraight2

    scaredstraight2
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    Hello Everyone!

    Now, I have figured I was gay for a very long time, since about 13 or so. Came out to my family.. then went back in. I'm 27 now, in a hetero relationship with 2 kids whom are truly a blessing. However, I know I'm living a lie, but I am very afraid of coming out and possibly hurting my children. I should have stuck with myself but that white picket fence syndrome really got ahold of me. I was never pressured to go back in the closet... just felt my family would be more proud if I did. I'm tired of living this way but my kids don't deserve me walking out on them. I've made a mistake and am terrified to be myself. Hence the username. Can anyone offer advice? Just made my account today in hopes of finding someone who has experienced a semi similar situation.... confusing... trust me I know it is....
     
    #1 scaredstraight2, Jul 18, 2017
  2. silverhalo

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    Hey welcome to EC. There are lots of people here in similar situations. Don't worry you are not alone.
     
    #2 silverhalo, Jul 18, 2017
  3. scaredstraight2

    scaredstraight2
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    Thank you. Kinda what I was hoping for. I just really dont know what to do...
     
    #3 scaredstraight2, Jul 18, 2017
  4. Quantumreality

    Quantumreality
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    Hello scaredstraight2! Welcome to EC!:slight_smile:

    I'd suggest that you browse through the threads mainly in the LGBT Later in Life and the Family, Friends and Relationships forums, then, when you are ready, maybe you can create you own thread in an appropriate forum to address your personal issues, concerns, and questions.
     
    #4 Quantumreality, Jul 18, 2017
  5. scaredstraight2

    scaredstraight2
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    Thank you. I am starting to find my way around here and was looking into your suggested forums. Sorry if that was the wrong spot to post. Thank you for your kindness, Ill find the way :slight_smile:
     
    #5 scaredstraight2, Jul 18, 2017
  6. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
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    Hi, welcome to EC.

    My situation is fairly similar to yours, except I wasn't aware of my feelings towards women until recently. But, I am also in my late-twenties, in a long-term relationship with a man and have a young child, and I get what you've said about 'white picket fence syndrome'.

    Why do you feel you'd need to walk away from your children? Would you be able to support them on your own?
     
    #6 LostInDaydreams, Jul 18, 2017
  7. scaredstraight2

    scaredstraight2
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    I feel that way because my wife is very threatening as it is. We have split up a couple times.... Ended up in court.. Got the whole "youll never see your kids again" speech. I dont mean literally walking out on them but she would make it seem that way and try everything in her power to hurt me... Even if it means not letting me see them.
     
    #7 scaredstraight2, Jul 18, 2017
  8. scaredstraight2

    scaredstraight2
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    Thank you for your reply. Also, I hope you find your way with your relationship. How new is this attraction? Youe never had feelings as strong as they are now before? Or none at all?
     
    #8 scaredstraight2, Jul 18, 2017
  9. Quantumreality

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    Hey scaredstraight2,

    Don't apologize. You posted your introductory thread here in the Welcome Lounge. I've found that for new members the Welcome Lounge can also be a place where they present the reason(s) that they are on this site and other members can help direct them to where they are most likely to get the support they need.
     
    #9 Quantumreality, Jul 18, 2017
  10. scaredstraight2

    scaredstraight2
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    I posted it again in a different place and it got moved... Ill learn. Thank you for your welcom and kindness. Im already starting to feel a little better just knowing im not the only one. :slight_smile:
     
    #10 scaredstraight2, Jul 18, 2017
  11. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
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    I see, that's a really difficult situation. So, at the moment, you're together? Does your wife know about your sexuality?

    It's not completely new, I guess I just didn't realize what was going on until fairly recently (last couple of years). I didn't want to be anything other than straight, or never considered that I might be. And when I didn't feel physical attraction towards my current partner, I just figured that was how it was for me.

    I hope you're able to work this out too. I see you've posted in Later in Life, lots of people who are (or have been) in similar situation over there.
     
    #11 LostInDaydreams, Jul 18, 2017
  12. scaredstraight2

    scaredstraight2
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    It got moved over there somehow. Lol. Learning curve. Yes we are still together. Shes a great woman. Dont get me wrong. Shes a beautiful girl. But my attractions towards men are getting stronger and stronger I dont know how much longer Im going to be able to keep this act up.

    Like I said Ive came out before. Once in middle school, again to my dad and friends in high school. So its like everyone knows still and there just watching me. Im not fooling anyone, even she has her suspicions...

    I dont want to say she knows because I havent told her. But we went to the same school, know the same people so Im sure the grapevine has reached her in my small town.. I just... Ugh. Lol
     
    #12 scaredstraight2, Jul 18, 2017
  13. LostInDaydreams

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    Has she never discussed it with you?

    Possibly they've assumed it was a phase or that you're bisexual. Were your family supportive when you came out to them?
     
    #13 LostInDaydreams, Jul 18, 2017
  14. scaredstraight2

    scaredstraight2
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    Shes made comments. But Ive never seriously responded. Always make a joke.

    My dad said "I know" and so did my grandparents.. I just really dont know what Im doing I guess. Maybe Im just extremely scared.

    They didnt seem supportive or unsupportive. I think you are right about the assumptions of a phase or bi they made. Just brushed it off really
     
    #14 scaredstraight2, Jul 18, 2017
  15. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
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    I completely understand your fear, particularly as there are children involved.

    Sometimes it's easier to keep plodding along with things as they are, than face big unknowns, even if you're not completely happy.

    For me, the happy family times we have are enough to make our relationship bearable. If not for our daughter, I don't think we'd have anything to talk about.

    Do you feel you'd have sources of support if you were to separate? Friends?
     
    #15 LostInDaydreams, Jul 18, 2017
  16. scaredstraight2

    scaredstraight2
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    I understand your kiddo and those happy family times making it bearable. If you dont mind my asking, have you discussed your sexuality with him?

    I have a ton of acquaintences, and even more enemies, 4 I would say are real friends. As far as support goes, I now have EC.

    Im sure I would find some great people if i opened up. Im just so stubborn I never think I need support or ask for it. Even with my depression.

    I think once I figure this out and make a plan of action it will be easier.
     
    #16 scaredstraight2, Jul 18, 2017
  17. scaredstraight2

    scaredstraight2
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    Oh gah! I just remembered a conversation her and I had.

    We were sitting on the porch while the kids were sleep and something came up about how I supported LGBT. She said something along the lines of "Thats cause your gay." Or "thats cause youve done stuff with guys" something like that. I responded with "Thats how I know Im not gay, tried it and it wasnt for me"

    Granted thats not verbatum but I just thought it was relevant thinking back on it. I totally forgot about that. Also I dated a man before I met her and had pics on my facebook I deleted once him and I ended it.

    My life is an unorganized cluster of confusion..
     
    #17 scaredstraight2, Jul 18, 2017
  18. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
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    I don't mind, ask what you like. I've probably posted about it all before, anyway. :slight_smile:

    No, my partner and I haven't discussed it. I don't think he specifically know what's up, but I think he's aware that I'm not completely happy. There's no affection between us, for example.

    I've never been one to ask for help or support either. Are there any LGBT groups near you that you join? EC is very helpful!

    It's odd how all these little memories come back when you start processing how you're feeling.

    'Unorganized cluster of confusion' sound about right for me too.

    I think it's sticking to plan that's harder! And accepting that it might not got to plan.

    Do you feel that you're still questioning your sexuality, or more questioning what to do?
     
    #18 LostInDaydreams, Jul 18, 2017
  19. scaredstraight2

    scaredstraight2
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    We are too similar.

    No I dont question my sexuality at all anymore. I did, tried to force myself straight in a way. And thinking back I truly dont know why. Maybe cause my dad xouldnt possibly be proud of a gay son. Plus, I needed that white picket fence.

    Im questioning what action to take next is really my issue. I know her and I wont last whether I tell her or not. But the question is do I wait for her to cheat or something so I can get away scott free? Or make the first move?

    Your right, things never go as planned but a solid foundation or idea will help with the upsets or derails in said plan...
     
    #19 scaredstraight2, Jul 18, 2017
  20. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
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    We are far too similar!

    Just the other day, I posted that the best outcome for me would be if my partner came out as gay too, as that would take all the pressure off me.

    I don't think we'll last either. If not for our daughter, we wouldn't be together now.
     
    #20 LostInDaydreams, Jul 18, 2017
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