I'm trying to figure out right now if I've been denying my sexuality. I have extremely poor self esteem, always have. Everyone is better than me, deserves more than me, that type of thing. I was not well liked in elementary and middle school because I had ADHD and in general the other kids just found me very strange. This led to practical jokes and insults, taunts... I'm sure a lot of people here understand that because we break the mold. I think I always thought I couldn't be a lesbian because it was too special, too good for me. Now, after 6 1/2 years of struggling to feel anything, anything at all in a hetero marriage I am ready to throw all denial to the wind and figure it out for myself.
This!! I was also in denial because... well... firstly the conservative family I was raised in, and secondly because I didn't want any of the ensuing complications! I wanted to be nice and normal *despite being crazy day to day anyway*. Also, I didn't feel the strongest of dysphorias for a long time. The denial stopped when the dysphoria grew. I learnt there was no way to escape who you are! :eusa_danc
Who knows why really- a number of factors, scared of people's reactions, wanting to fit in, societal pressures, pressure from family/friends, expectations, etc. Can't pinpoint why so much, but at one point for sexuality and now for gender, I just can't deny some things to myself anymore. It's not worth pushing such important parts of me away, even if I have to struggle in some areas of my life because of it.
