If you caught your lover cheating would you AUTOMATICALLY leave them?

I feel a need to clarify and extend my initial response.

I think what it amounts to for me is that I am currently with a person who had consistently demonstrated respect and love for 29 years. If I sensed that love and respect were over, yeah, I'd be out of there. If there was evidence that love and respect never were really there (say, I discovered she'd been cheating regularly for 29 years), then again, gone. But those are unlikely scenarios...more likely it's something else, and love and respect are still intact and worth preserving.

If I was with someone for a few weeks, or months, or even 5 years or so, and *they* cheated on me, there's much less evidence there of love and respect, and a greater chance that any love or respect there may once have been is over. I'd be outta there pronto.

I'm just pointing out that it's hard to make hard-and-fast rules like this. They sound good from where you're standing...but they don't necessarily have long shelf-life.

 

As much as it would hurt me, yes. I don't believe in second chances.

 

Probably. But I wouldn't say definitely for sure.

 

Yes...they'd be gone, no 2nd chances. period.
And if they set off my temper, they better run!

I'd also be really hurt & probably die of a broken heart.

---
Just more reasons why its probably a good thing that I'll end up being single forever anyway....

 

Nope, not automatically. Would depend on many variables.

That, and I believe in forgiveness---to a certain point!

 

I would not tolerate cheating of any sort. If my partner does not love me anymore, or they like someone else, I'd rather be told straight-up. In my opinion, cheating is the worst thing someone could do. Especially in relationships. Strong, healthy relationships are built on trust. And trust isn't easy to get from someone not give out. When you wholly commit yourself to someone, then it hits harder.

In theory...nope, I would not tolerate it whatsoever.

But when you bring other feelings into it...I honestly may reconsider.
When I talk about cheating itself- I say I would not tolerate it. But when I put myself and my girlfriend in that situation...I'd be torn between staying or leaving. I'd have mixed feelings, especially of betrayal, but also love. I don't know what I'd do.

 

I voted Yes.

It would be really hard for me if I loved them, but guess what, this is a 100% violation of all trust, respect, and support, so they're out. My hands are clean.

 

Yes I would leave them!

 

Yes ultimately.

But, I think if they became a big part of my life it would be hard to do. I hate the idea of being cheated on. Someone going to someone else because your not as good as the other person. It disgusts me.

 

I've actually experienced this type of betrayal, twice, and it does just about kill a person.
I'm still friends with one of the heartbreakers, though it is no longer a love relationship
as it once was.

The result is I am now single and celibate as I'm not going to put myself, a loyal and forgiving person, through that trauma ever again.

There were 36 MILLION users on that Ashley Madison site, actively seeking out an affair. There are a lot of cheaters and deceivers out there.

 

I'd be more annoyed at the fact they believed me stupid enough to keep in the dark. Sure, the betrayal-thing is terrible, but really, there is a lot to consider here...

How long we've been together, who this individual is, and why this affair was happening. People seem to be assuming they are totally innocent, and maybe they are, but sometimes what you do may still have an effect on somebody. If this cheating occurs due to a lack of communication, well, if it wasn't caught before, here's a wake up sign.

Some people cheat because they're trash, but a good number of them do so, because of a belief or feeling that something is missing in their relationship.

I would be most curious as to what this other person has, that maybe I don't. Even if the relationship isn't patched up, knowing this, and learning from it, is beneficial. Also, if you think somebody is better than me, Jesus Christ, I damn well want to know the competition!

There would definitely be a sit-down-and-talk. Just because somebody cheats doesn't mean Life stops. I've got places to be, people to see, and dreams to fulfill.

 

Yes. If you wanted someone else, you could have told me.

 

In my current relationship, I really wouldn't.

I'd certainly be willing to talk if she wanted to. But I think if she cheated, she would leave me.

 

I used to think, Yes i would leave my partner if I caught her cheating on me.
now, I would want to talk to her about it. What wasn't she getting from this relationship that she felt she had to cheat.
I'd also ask her, if she felt the need to cheat, why are we still together?

I think that conversation would help me decide whether we should try to work things out or if we should split.

 

So far, all the people I've been with who have cheated, were given the boot the second I found out. So yeah, if I caught my lover cheating, I would IMMEDIATELY send them packing. I wouldn't be able to trust them again after that so there won't be any logical point in staying together. If they want to be with someone else so badly, and are too cowardly to dump me first then they can go jump in a lake for all I care. I view the people who have cheated on me, including a few boyfriends and both my girlfriends, as weak, cowardly and disrespectful. They could've just said they aren't happy in the relationship anymore and we'd break up on good terms. Instead, I now hate all of their guts :dry:

 

It would depend on the situation

 

well said!

 

Aside from your first and second last paragraphs I totally agree. Although there is no justification for cheating, that doesn't mean that the cheater is always entirely at fault or that it isn't sometimes understandable.

If you listen to why your partner has cheated you'll get a deeper understanding of, well, why your partner cheated. If there was anything you did that contributed, like being controlling or distant, then you can take that in and be conscious of it in the future. Even if you're completely done with that relationship it could help you in some small way with future partners.

Cheating would damage any relationship I'd be in, and it'd be a sign that things weren't healthy to begin with. I think in a lot of cases I'd just end the relationship, but if I felt like salvaging it was possible and worthwhile then I'd try to work things out with them.