Do you feel more at ease after Marriage Equality?

This was one of the bigger pushing points that got me to seek out and join EC.

Marriage Equality made me realize that the US is becoming more accepting, now even at a legal level. This makes me feel pretty optimistic about the future. I feel like at some point, the US as a whole will accept gay people, maybe even in my lifetime. Gay is normal.

So I'm actively working toward living in my truth and finding a guy to share the rest of my life with, even though I'm not out yet.

(&&&)

 

Not really, no. As a transfeminine person, I'm still acutely aware of the fact that people hate me and want to kill me.

There are people who want to do violence to us, and they aren't going away just because Anthony Kennedy woke up on the right side of the bed.

~ Adrienne

 

Not more at ease, but finally at least there is some reasonable parity

 

I haven't really noticed a difference in the way it feels, but I don't really experience much homophobia in my day to day life to be honest--didn't before, don't after. The one difference I have noticed is that now we seem to be subject to that whole "when are you going to get married?" thing that straight single people have always had to deal with. But as we have been together for 17 years I don't really feel that it is an unreasonable question in our case and as we are getting married in October I suppose that will take care of that.

 

I am worried about the effort of bigots at attempting to reverse that and worse.

 

In some very definite ways, yes: last year, me and my mate of 24 years (now 25) got married, here in Maryland. Both of us plan to move back to Married, where we grew up, and our parents all live, who are getting older, and will need some help. So it's very good for us, because now, we can move back, and still be married there, and if I die or anything, my husband can get my pension money, and a whole hose of other things will be much easier, legally.

But there's still a lot of work to do, and I worry about these Republicans pushing their right to discriminate laws, and all this so-called 'Religions Freedom' baloney.

 

No there is still lots to be done. Just this morning (20 Aug 2015) I saw an article where a municipal clerk in Kentucky is refusing to issue a marriage license to a gay couple. Religious based (mainly Christianity) discrimination is alive and well in America.

 

I disagree with this. When LGB people's relationships are treated by national law as valid and valuable and worthy of ensuring and protecting, I think that has impact to *every* LGB person, and probably to straight T persons as well, albeit perhaps in a more indirect way.

The question is whether I feel more at ease after Marriage Equality. As a US citizen, yes, I do feel more at ease. Do I feel at ease? Certainly not. As others have said, there is still much to do in terms of ensuring safety and equality for LGBT people. But it is a significant step forward.

On a personal level, I live in a conservative rural area, and yes, damn it, I do feel some additional societal permission...when my partner and I go out to dinner together, buy a new car together, etc., I feel not only less scrutiny, but also a sense of entitlement to respect that was not there previously. A dealer may ask whether we want both our names on the title, but he has no right to show surprise or distaste when we say yes...our *type* of union has become nationwide legitimate...we're not even asked if we're married...we are simply recognized as a legitimate couple in ways we never would have been 5 years ago.

 

Ooops, meant to say: Move back to Michigan, in my post. Not nearly enough coffee yet!

But I do feel it's helped, not 100%, but what law can really chnage the hearts of people?

 

Always a pleasure to read the comments of someone who sees things in more of a...realistic light.

I feel you are looking at our posts, or at least my own post(can't speak for kyoujin, but it seems we are both in a similar stance), in the wrong context.

 

Ha, same for me. Being born and raised in the Netherlands, I really can't remember a time when it wasn't legal.

It's a different story here in Germany though. Not legal to marry, and even though a majority of the gov't wants to legalise it, it's still not possible cause the damn conservatives are blocking it.

I plan to stay in this country at least until there's marriage equality, cause I'd love to fight for it. And I can imagine it will be one hell of a party once everything's equal.

 

I personally feel somewhat better and more comfortable with myself after the ruling. I'm still closeted to most, but I feel like the ruling will impact a lot of people's views about this issue in the long run (for the better). Plus, support for same-sex marriage is around 60% in the US, which is quite high.

If anything, though, I've noticed that the anti-gay people are being more vocal about their opinions. Some are still going to great lengths to try to take marriage away from us. How mean... :dry:

 

Can you elaborate, please?

kyoujin provided no context...just the words you quoted. All you said was "This". What's the context I'm missing, exactly?

I hear "this has no effect on me, because the Right that has been granted is not one I want", and I think that's short-sighted for the reasons I gave.

 

You seem to blend both statements that I had separated in my mind.

It may 'affect' me in the sense that, should I for some bizarre reason decide to marry, it would (hypothetically) be allowed and seen as valid from a law standpoint and all that but, truth be told, I couldn't care less about marriage and that is how I doesn't affect me. Call it selfish, short-sighted, ...anything you want really, but there are bigger issues that I am more concerned with and I hope get some spotlight as more of this marriage stuff settles globally, because said marriage stuff has only hogged the spotlight for far too long.

Unfortunately, nearly all I personally see is people thinking that this is all that matters; once a place gets marriage, they can finally be at rest. It only makes me more and more doubtful that we have enough troops rallied in the long run to deal with other issues.

 

Maybe it's just me, but I only saw/see one statement. I'm not sure what you're separating.

From the sound of it, you are only considering the direct implication of the law: the Right to marry [someone of the same sex]. In that you don't want to do that, you see the law as having no effect on you.

But this is a very narrow view of "effect on you". The very *existence* of such a law has implications for those "bigger issues" you speak about. Same-sex unions have finally been given formal legitimacy...they wouldn't let us marry if they considered our unions illegitimate. This is a huge step forward, and will guide how non-LGBT people view our relationships from here on...it won't remove existing bigotry; but the previous institutionalized treatment of our unions as illegitimate actually *encouraged* bigotry, and that is no longer the case.

Did you read the rest of my post? The question wasn't "do you feel at ease now that Marriage Equality has passed?" It was "do you feel *more* at ease?" And I think that a law that actively legitimizes same-sex relationships *should* make any LGB person *more* at ease.

Of course there more work to do, and I've heard of nobody resting on their laurels now that this step has been achieved, or thinking that it's all over...nobody (no doubt, we hang with different crowds). So I guess I'm not worried that progress will stop...rather, I think this has helped win us some much-needed momentum.

 

I can't tell if you are seeing only what you want to see out of my post or what, but I'll split it up a bit more clearly:

- It affects me in the sense that, should I want to marry, I'd be allowed to do with, and with actual validity. That's merely hypothetical

- It doesn't affect me, personally, because marriage is the least of my concerns

^ This is what I figured Kyou was getting at, but, at the least, I'm pointing out what I was getting at(which is why I tried to see what you originally saw in my post to 'disagree with').

Narrow view or not (in your eyes) though, I do not get why you are going on as if I've somehow stated that I would take away marriage rights and so on (something I wouldn't -ever- even entertain the thought of); I just hate how marriage has taken such a big priority over other things, and then have so many people celebrating as if the biggest dilemma of all time finally got resolved. I find the idea that I'm being narrow-minded to be laughable at best.

You're right, we must be around totally different people. I don't get how that somehow makes my concerns come across as less legitimate though. If I wasn't really made to feel concerned here, I dang sure would not be getting into such a lengthy discussion over this.

To answer your question though(and, yes, I did read your post), I do not feel -more- at ease; I feel less at ease because of what I've been going on about. I -am- concerned that things will now more easily get overlooked now that marriage...the biggest matter to be solved(!) ! *woohoo* *confetti* is continuously getting legalized everywhere(which obviously isn't horrible by any means in itself, but how it's importance has been skewed too far above other issues).


If it helps you sleep at night though, I'll continue give it some benefit of the doubt, as I have been trying to, and just keep a watchful eye, but I don't personally see as much progress being made as I had thought/hoped.

 

CP, yeah, we're missing each other here.

I certainly am not meaning to accuse you of being against marriage equality.

I definitely get the lack of direct benefit to you that this law provides. I got it from kyoujin's post and from your first one where you explained it. It just feels (in each post) like you can't see or choose to overlook the enormous *indirect* benefit to you.

And yes, if everyone you know seems to dismiss issues beyond marriage equality, then I can see where you'd have concerns, and where those would rise to the level that they'd outweigh and overshadow possible benefits (in fact, that could explain why you can't see or don't want to acknowledge those indirect benefits).

And to be crystal clear, all I disagreed with in kyoujin's post (that you echoed with "This") was that the new law doesn't affect you. Even if the indirect benefits are overshadowed by other issues, those benefits are still there. It does and will benefit you, even if it stirs up other issues and doesn't (yet) help you rest easier at night or in public.

Hmmm...double-checking, I see that it's not clear whether you're in the US. If you're not, then I can see why US marriage equality would have *much* less impact on you, and I apologize for ethnocentrism. Everything in my posts on this thread is commenting on direct and indirect benefit to LGB US citizens...the benefits to others are pretty damned indirect, and in some cases negligible-to-non-existent.

 

I would be, and I'm SO happy for those in the US but it was legalized in my country (Canada) before I was in second grade.

 

I do. And a lot of people here too, since I've been able to see a lot more same sex couples holding hands on the street.