What are you thinking?

My autocorrect won't believe I'm actually talking about Satan, not savanna.

 

Just when I think I've hit rock bottom, someone messages me on FB. Just a tad concerned I am going to get catfished being he has no picture. Don't worry kids, I am always safe.

 

Lately my thoughts have been racing... must go organize my feelings/to do list before they become a wailing storm of woe.

Focus

 

I can't help but wonder if he's making fun of me, if it's all just a big joke and he's having a laugh with his friends. I guess I'll find out next wednesday...

 

I'm just thinking that I need to start doing my summer homework already. I have 5 essays to write and 1 book report all due the first day of school this Monday. This is what I get for taking 5 AP classes

 

I'm wondering if he's actually busy or if he just doesn't want to hang out with me.

 

I hate living with my sister. She's so high maintenance, she leaves wherever she goes an even bigger pigsty than my room, she acts like she doesn't have to do anything to help contribute to keeping the house clean, and for some reason she keeps leaving her underwear in the strangest places. I just found one of her bras in the kitchen on the same counter that we prepare our food on. She also thinks I'm sexist for saying she doesn't look good with makeup on. Not to mention the fact that if she and I were a few years younger, she'd kick my ass for saying that. She'd probably kick my ass if she ever found out I wrote this. Funny thing though, she actually can't take a punch, herself. Life is surely a strange thing living with her. :dry:

 

What I'm thinking of right now, in a summery is:
"Wow, can I really do that (coming out to my family) without breaking down or having a panic attack? What if this or that happens?" Yeah my mind is stressing me out already.

 

Darling, it's alright to be nervous. I broke down the first time. I was so scared. It gets easier the more comfortable you become with yourself. It takes time, consider spacing out who you tell. Have a plan and you'll be just fine! you've got this!

 

Positivity is such a waste of energy.

- signed, people of the world who just get it

Just remember, you don't have to do it asap.

 

Honestly, my boyfriend's mom smells so gross. And I used to feel awful for thinking that. She reeks of alcohol and b.o. I mean, I can smell it walking past her room, at her chair in the kitchen. This woman needs to shower. But she's so un-selfaware of her own smell that she constantly complains about other people (who don't really smell at all).

I mean, hygiene. It's easy, right? All you have to do is shower for, like, five minutes. And it's not like she's particularly busy since she just sits there at the kitchen counter all day and watches TV.

 

I finally made an appointment to get my hair cut. Will be my first haircut since March, and the first one in years that's not done by my regular hairdresser. I'm kind of afraid hyper scared they'll fuck everything up. I don't like it when I have to give other people control over the way I look.

 

I am in a FANTASTIC mood, right now.

Spoiler

Why, you ask?

My financial aid for school has been resolved. How?

Apparently I've exhausted all the finances available to me... with my Major choice. But, if I change Majors, well, that opens up a totally new avenue. And before anyone wags their fingers or tells me that isn't right, I've triple checked and it's totally fine. In fact, I point blank asked them if I could do that, to which I was given an affirming "Yes, you can."

Problem eliminated. Check.

My insurance kept going back and forth on gender-related therapy, so I claimed depression due to gender-related issues, and since depression is covered so now will my gender therapy. And before anyone wags their fingers or tells me that isn't right, I triple checked and it is totally fine. The therapist I will be seeing, after realizing how much money they could be receiving (I made sure to stress this point, and it worked), made the necessary paperwork happen. My insurance accepted.

Problem eliminated. Check.

The mayor of the town, a day earlier than expected, contacted the local newspaper that I write for, asking for me. I'll be seeing him Saturday, sometime after my shift at the library. For how long, I have no idea, but that bridge will be crossed when it is gotten to.

One step further towards global domination. Check.

Earlier today, an individual I know asked me to help him take out some old furniture, and bring in some new ones tomorrow. Not only will he be paying me ($50) for this, which shouldn't take longer than 1 hour, he's allowing me to take the old furniture. I accepted, and will resell it, making more money.

Hustle game on. Check.

Finally, I made a young lady's day today with the following exchange:

Woman: Welcome to McDonald's, may I take your order?
Me: I had no idea you were into that.
Woman: Wha-- into what?
Me: Taking orders. You wearing a dominatrix outfit behind that speaker?
Woman: Oh my God! LOL! *cracking up over the speaker* N-noooo~! I'm... I'm just trying to ask what you want.
Me: A 20-piece McNugget... and the promise you won't hurt me.
Woman: *still laughing* If you don't hurry up and come around to the first window, I just might!

Making people's days. Fuckin' check.

Life, you failed today. For it has been a glorious day.

 

^
You have such an amazing life...
*dreamy sigh*

Anyway, I might be getting my sisters old laptop so I can write stuff on here during the day (well I can on my phone but I can't be bothered to) and without loads if typos that require me to edit every post... holy shit!

And the emulators... Oh I'm gonna be playing castlevania, street fighter and doom a whole load...

 

So I was watching on demand tv with my mom. Guess what popped up on the "now featuring".

The shit about Jazz Jennings and of course Caitlin. And the big brother with the transgender contestant...

She didn't even bother to acknowledge it.

And she says no one knows what we are and it's new.

 

I can't pin point it, but these last few weeks my mom has been driving me crazy....

 

Is there an alternative to conservatives and liberals?
I'm sorry if I offend anyone, but I cant stand either.
Conservatives are often overly strict, pissy, easily offended, and completely against any new ideas. Liberals are often too pc, pissy, easily offended, and TOO open to anything (seriously, there ARE limits).
I dont know what else I fit under.

 

It's not impossible for you, to have such. You just have to make an effort, even if it's a bunch of small ones, because those add up over time. Try smiling or waving at folks, or making an appropriate compliment to somebody. Even saying "Thank You" can go a long way.

When you've chipped away at being reserved, you free yourself up to be more open and bold. Most make the mistake of thinking, you have to go hard or go home... you can but that isn't always practical.

Make yourself available, and when you are offered something, if you can do it, do it. Perform admirably, establish reliability, and you'll start generating more opportunities and a more positive mood, which allows you to enhance your actions and expressions. People notice this, and they want to be around it. Take advantage of this, and make Life your bitch.

I've just had a head start, is all.

 

So I'm not human because I couldn't care less about sex?

'Tis the shameful life of being an ace individual.

 

I've been trying to find one for years. Labeling myself a moderate only gets people to say things to me like "Oh, so you're a spineless fence-sitter, pick a side!"