Thoughts on my situation

At this point I'm just so done with you.

Stop acting like you're such a victim, you're not. Nobody called you a sick freak. Nobody at all. The only thing anybody have told you in this thread was "we don't think you should transition. It is not the solution to your problems and will not have the outcome you desire."

They're not fantasy women. You are literally calling basically all of my female friends non-existant at this point. I've seen them with my own eyes, I speak with them daily and I socialize with them plenty. They're not the sasquatch, they're real people. Maybe if you started treating them like people and not like some kind of different mythical species they'd actually give you the time of their day. Take that piece of advice with you to the rest of the "nice guys" and while you're at it, tell them that they're not entitled to women just for being "nice".

If you feel like transition is the solution to all your problems, then go ahead. Then you can stop being a man with no girl and start being a girl with no girl, because that's how it's going to end as literally every single person has told you in this thread.

You told us not to confuse the movie world with the real world but I think it's time for you to stop confusing the real world with the internet world.

 

Any two people (or more even) in a consenting relationship is a legitimate relationship...

 

You miss the point. Someone who transitions does so regardless of any of this other relationship/sexuality stuff. The decision to transition is a totally separate discussion from who/how you want to get it on with other members of the species.

The question underlying that still stands I think:

Maybe I'd add: Would you still transition if you were the last person on earth?

Sure, maybe it is. But as someone else who is in their own questioning phase, let me just say... do... not... rush... this. Honestly, the cost is just too high to get this wrong, IMO.

Opinion doesn't mean jack here. It is legitimate without me having to say so, but again, is a separate discussion.

 

Ok, I've read all comments on this tread and I have a feeling that you really don't know what are getting yourself into. I don't want to be rude, but how old are you, Cris? You sound like a 13-14 year old boy, who hasn't had much experience with dating and don't know anything about girls. Masculine straight women, who like "nice guys" do exist, I'm sure about it, because I know many of them. You just need to have more contact with women.

Secondary, I feel like you don't know what transgender really means. A transwoman is not a man, who changes his body to female, it's a woman, who just happens to be born in a male body. Transgender people transition, because they want their bodies to match their identity and to be seen as the people they truly are on the inside, not because it will make their dating life easier. For many of them it's transitioning or suicide. Actually, it can make your dating life a lot more difficult. You can also lose your family, friends and job by transitioning. Do you really want to take the risk?

So, do you feel like you ARE a woman? Do you feel uncomfortable being percieved as male or having a male body? If you had a girlfriend, would you still want to transition? Do you wish to be female for the rest of your life? If the answer is "no", you aren't trans. Transitioning to something you're not, won't make your life easier, it can ruin it. If you already haven't researched what gender dysphoria means, I suggest you to do it. It's completely different than having dating issues.

And no, I'm not trying to offend you or anything like that. I just want to open your eyes about what you are getting yourself into and make you think more about it, before you do something you might regret.

 

I don't think anyone here has claimed that what you want is sick, unnatural, or wrong. We have simply advised you that a physical transition of any sort would likely not be a good decision to make and would likely not help your dating problems. We have also informed you that your desires do not make you trans. We did not say you were sick, unnatural, or wrong.

I think physically transitioning in any way for any reason other than making yourself comfortable in a body that doesn't feel right would be a mistake. Relationships between butch women do not involve masculinizing surgeries for the sole purpose of attracting other butch women. I would never recommend to anyone that they change their body for any reason other than to make themselves more comfortable with the body they have.

If you wanted to present femininely and date another man that presented femininely (this would be dating in the same manner as a butch woman dating another butch woman, as it involves changing presentation, not permanent surgeries), that is definitely a valid option. That is not the same as being trans, but I am starting to think that your use of "trans" and "mtf" were more of a misunderstanding of what those terms mean than an actual insistence that your desire to transition out of convenience made you trans.

I would still strongly advise against having surgeries done, but at the very least I insist that you give it lots of time and lots of thought. Recognize that surgery is expensive and, if not permanent, at least very difficult to reverse. Try presenting femininely and see if that feels comfortable. Recognize that if you got surgery you would, to some extent, be presenting femininely 24/7 because your body would be feminine. Make sure you would be okay with that.

As trans people, many of us know what it is like to be in a body that doesn't match how you feel. I would hate to watch you make changes to your body that would make you as uncomfortable with your body as I am with mine. I had no choice in the body I was given. You have a choice. Be sure not to make the wrong one.

 

*applauds*

I will ask you one question too, Cris. Supposing you meet the girl of your dreams. You get along great, you ask her out, she says yes, you become an exclusive couple and you get engaged to each other, and just for good measure the room is full of unicorns. At this point, would you still want to transition?

 

I feel compelled to point out that there are asexual individuals in the world with zero sex drive, yet they are fully capable of expressing love and offering romantic gestures. Romance would (and could) exist; it is not always tied to sex.

I know that is a different topic entirely, but I couldn't pass this thread without speaking up for my asexual friends.

Hats brings up a valid question. You see, I HAVE the room full of unicorns. I have a loving spouse who is aware of some of my social and emotional dysphoria --- a wonderful man who agreed to never call me a woman or girl, even back when we were dating --- yet I am TERRIFIED to tell him how much I hate having my breasts touched (knowing how much he loves them), or how I pine to be addressed by my male name, or how deep my dysphoria actually lies because I am afraid of losing the support of the only person who has ever respected who I am. Of course, there's a chance his love will not change, but as is he isn't attracted to the male body so why shouldn't I be afraid?

I apologize if my response seems heated, Cris; this is a very sensitive subject for me to discuss. Regardless of your journey I wish you happiness.

 

So...what I am getting from this is that:

1. You are a masculine gay man.
2. You are into men, but you don't like their male body.

Is this correct?

We have no intention of discriminating anyone here, it is just that we are really confused about what you are talking about. It is like, we are not even talking in the same language . We want to help but we still can't understand what your situation is, even now.

 

And this is partly why your posts up to this point have left us confused. You opened the OP by saying you were not gay, and had attraction to women, but were jealous of them at the same time. I'm going to say a lot of us took that at face value, since we don't have any better options, honestly. So contradictions to that statement throw people for a loop.

But if I have to try to make sense of this, it almost sounds a bit like homoromantic, heterosexual? Which can be a pretty sucky position to be in, honestly. But if I assume this is the case, then I still have to say that transitioning won't solve the underlying conflict. As others suggested, therapy is an important option to consider. And I say this not to "fix" you, but rather it is obvious that this conflict in you is causing problems. Having someone who can listen and prod you in the right direction from time to time will help you understand yourself better in this case. Resolving the conflict will help draw back the curtains a bit and make things clearer for you going forward.

 

So you identify yourself as a gay man, and a masculine gay man even, and yet you want to present as a woman to avoid stereotypes attached to feminine gay men? Wouldn't that just invite the very stereotype of "gay men are just secretly want to be a woman" to you? And while you are repulsed by the male body, you want masculine gay men?

I am still very confused about things. I think you need to really explain to us what you mean by "masculine" and "feminine" when you use it with "gay men" because I don't think we are on the same level here.

 

Again, stop with the stereotypes, jesus.

 

It absolutely does not. All I'm hearing is a bunch of stereotypical assumptions.

 

This is what I understand you're saying so far:

1. There are men who are gay. Some present as effeminate, and others do not.

2. The media portrays all gay men as being effeminate.

3. Because of this, people don't realise someone could be gay unless they are effeminate.

4. This means that for the gay men who aren't effeminate and don't find effeminate men attractive, it is much harder to find someone compatible because to them a masculine gay man comes across the same as a straight man.

5. You are a masculine gay man.

Now, the bit I don't quite understand is this:

Do you mean you don't like the male body per se AND ALSO you don't like men who dress in drag?

What I'm puzzled about is what you do find attractive. Like, if you were able to create the person of your dreams, what would they look like and how would they behave? Is it that you like female bodies but not women, so your ideal person would be a person who identifies as male, acts in a masculine way, fancies other men, but also has a biologically female body?