My 16 year old son is gay - I'm afraid.

Coming out is very emotional experience, and it can be very difficult to gain the courage to do. I would wait for him to tell you and not rush him. He is probably still coming to terms with it himself. Just make a point of mentioning your support for the LGBT community now and again and make sure he and his brother know that you will love them no matter what.

 

I wish all LGBT stories develop like yours.

He is both a teenager and gay... so usual teenager problems doubled. What you did is best I think. In life knowing you have someone no matter what is a great relief.

Leaving things related to coming out to him is great. This will give him feeling of control which he probably felt lacking in past few years.

Thanks for being a great mother and human. (*hug*)

 

That was a great development!

Just want to mention, this "recently out" stage can be a strange one for some people. He might not mention it again, but you might be waiting for him to mention it, so it could lead to this stage where he thinks you're "ignoring" it. Given your close relationship I doubt that'll happen, but just a heads up in case it does.

 

I'm so glad things are working out so well within your family.
Expanding on what Clay said, even though my mom could not have been supportive when I came out, I was still a bit uncomfortable and I didn't want to talk about it again for quite a while. I even had moments I wish I had kept it to myself, because coming out meant there was no more room for denial. Even though denial was its own kind of torture, it was also its own comfort zone. (If that makes sense at all!)

 

I'm really glad to hear you took the initiative and got this out in the open. Whether he appreciates it now or not, he certainly will years later when this is all water under the bridge rather than a constant fear. Give him some time and plenty of support (without bringing up the topic every time you talk to him) and he'll be happy soon enough.

 

Yay, I love happy stories~! ^.^♥

 

Well, in a way, there isn't a /need/ to tell someone what your sexual orientation is, so he might not see the need to announce it to people - if he were straight, would you expect him to come out as straight? It may be possible he's suspicious that you know and feels under pressure to say so. I'd imagine that if he's got his orientation on Faecbook then he's not ashamed of or uncomfortable with it. If he has any problems with it, wait for the signs rather than ask him about it a lot; similarly, you don't want to keep telling him that being gay is fine etc, not because there's anything wrong with it (which there isn't), but because it's a bit of a constant intervention into an (intimate?) aspect of his personality and it could start to annoy him.
Anyhoo, I guess there are a couple of ways you can approach this. You can ask straight out if he likes guys. Or you can wait for him to tell you (I guess really that's the best thing since it's his sexuality and his choice when, if at all, to tell). Just show indirectly that you're not against homosexuality, eg by smiling if you see on the news that gay marriage has been passed, or watching a TV show about LGBT people, etc etc. Hope I've got that across right!

 

^^^ This.

Remember, it's his life, and his sexuality is as much or as little of his identity as he wants to make it. It may be a big thing for a while, then become a smaller part of him

Even though you probably have a million and one questions yourself, best to tread carefully (at least for the next few months) and let him re-establish the boundaries. After all, it's him who has to and figure out what it means to be a 16 year old gay guy in 2015.

There ain't no guidebook.

 

Yeah, were's the guidebook for coming out as bisexual at 50... (My best friend in my 20's always said she had the manual for me, and that's why men are always so confused, we didn't get the manual...)

I am so glad things worked out for you Isupportmyson. I felt that relief when I finally came out to my therapist. One less burden, one less mask to hold, one less stressor.

Be there for your son, you are doing a great job.

 

Hi,well what a great mom.

If your son is struggling (as we all do) it might be worth showing him this site.As you can see,we are a safe and friendly community who would offer good advice if we could.If you feel that you would not want your son to see this thread,our staff members would remove it for such reasons.

Well done

 

Yes, introduce him to the site. Personally, you don't have anything to be ashamed to show your son in this post. You are a caring, decent mom. I feel, the sooner you can correct a deception the less it will hurt. Now may not be the time to tell him, but when he's more comfortable. Up to you to judge, not me. We always tell our boy, the sooner you tell us you are lying, the less harsh the situation is going to be.

I have fears for my son as he's 15 now, just starting through puberty, and getting talkative about girls. I don't want his heart crushed like mine was. I don't want him to be a wallflower. I want him to respect himself and others. These are normal fears, not really fears, concerns. Normal, parental concern when your baby goes out into the world to find a mate, relationships, and all that.

I mean, we adopted our son, and I still feel all that for him. I remember what it was like to be an awkward teenager with secrets to keep, and few social skills.

Be open and honest. You or dad would talk to him about all the different kinds of crazy women can be if he were straight. His sexuality isn't what is causing the issues, it's you wanting to be protective.

 

First off your boy is so lucky to have such a loving mother and father. He is well equipped to handle much of the adversity that he will face on that alone.

If I can give you any advice, let him tell you. Especially if he is in his teens. Just be available when he needs to talk. My friends were my comfort when I came out but my folks are very traditional. The best thing they did for me was tell me they loved me just the same. He'll tell you when he is ready.

The problem with pushing him is that he may not have come out to himself completely.

He would face discrimination if he is tall or short or fat or skinny, or black, white or whatever. Every parent feels for their child and the struggles they will face. Good parents that is. But giving him a supportive loving home is really the best thing for him.

Don't force the butterfly out of his cocoon, it may be painful to watch the struggles but when he flies you'll be proud of him.

 

I've been meaning to respond to this, but my week has been crazy. Anyway, I was going to suggest doing exactly what you did. Sometimes it's helpful to just push the issue, gently of course. You seem like a great mother, and I am sure things will work out well for your son .

 

Hi there
I was on the other hand of this problem with my mom. She found out on some other sites. My mom approached me on it and it was super awkward and I just wanted to run... but then again i don't have a good relationship with my mom.
It sounds like you and your son have a good relationship. If you think asking him is a good idea then do it. As for being teased just help him push through it.

 

Hacing lived the life of a bisexual boy who was not open about it and was severely hazed and ridiculed, I feel for your son. His generation is much more open and accepting ofgays than ours was. Just be approachable and available for him to talk to when he needs you. Just show unconditional love that's all it will take. My parents tried the whole denial thing with my sister and she ended up being quite self destructive.

 

You sound like a wonderful mother. Lucky kid. I'm sure everything will work out eventually.

 

I agree with the idea of mentioning the topic. perhaps focusing on news stories. your son may feel more comfortable considering coming out to you. but these things take time, and I think all that you can do is encourage him but not pressure him.

 

I am so happy for your son, and I'm so glad that you decided to bite the bullet and ask him yourself. Like many others have said, I would be elated if my parents (I'm 17, similar to your son) would sit me down, tellme they love me uunconditionally, and ask me straight forward if I am gay. There's one thing that sticks out to me based on what you said that makes me believe you made the right decision. You said you had his Facebook password. He knew you could check it at any time and still chose to tell his friend through Facebook. He could've just as easily texted her. The fact that he chose Facebook knowing full well that you may see it seems like a cry for help. The reason I say this is because I've been trying to drop hints myself, and I have not been as careful when it comes to fully hiding who I am. This is where you and my mom differ, unfortunately.

You were able to pick up these hints and help your son, to comfort him. My hints have only been met with disgust. I, like your son, told my first person by Facebook message. That was our main form of communication to each other after I came out to her. I do believe, based off a conversation eerily similar to one that my friend and I had on Facebook, that my mom knows I'm gay from reading those messages. Instead of being loving and open about as you did in your situation, she has resorted to blatant homophobia (only against gay men; lesbians for some reason get a pass usually). She even has called me a traitor when I let on to her that I'm more politically liberal (she's conservative).

I'm sorry for rambling; this turned out to be longer than I intended. The moral of the story is that you made the right decision, and I applaud you for that! There are many of us still in the closet who would kill for an accepting mother like you